I consider myself a Democrat (with some Socialist tendancies perhaps) but here in Rio, I´m starting to feel like a blood-thristy, war-hungry barbarian. And although it may be what some consider "conflict of interest", since I´m anti-war, what can I do? The outcome is crucial. It´s survival of the fittest and in this war, the fittest gets a seat.

The battlefield: Public Transportation.

Allow me to break this down for you. Public transportation is full of little battles, tactics, tricks and manipulations. People are always eyeing each other, calculating, scheming. All for what? Oh, you know what. A seat! The right to sit and not be pushed, shoved and squished (I´m not exaggerating, I mean squished tight like olives in a jar). To not be thrown around or knocked over when you come to a screeching halt.

• Bus- Oh the good ol´ classic "ônibus". There are plenty of games you´re forced to play before you even get on. Like the "when-will-the-bus-pass-by" game. No schedule, no time frame, no idea. You could be running half hour early then wait for the bus anywhere from 2-25 minutes. Then once that beautiful moment comes when you see that sparkling number combination of the bus you want, you have to play the "will-he-stop-for-me" game. You try to wave the bus driver down and they always see you, but that doesnt mean they stop. Sometimes, the bus drivers like to race each other and therefore it slows them down to (DO THEIR JOB AND) stop for you. You might think I´m kidding, but rest assured, they actually race each other and dont stop for you if they dont want. Fast forward to when you manage to get on the bus, now here comes the fun. There is a person waiting at the front of the bus who you pay and they let you pass the "roleta", the spinny clicky thing to the main part of the bus. For some reason, it never seems to work and you spend a few minutes ramming your waist into it until it finally goes. There´s also a tactic on how to not get your bag stuck in it which involves an awkward twisting movement and lifting it over the bars as you pass through (not easy for an older person, somone with a child, back problem, etc.). The worst part is watching a fat person attempt and not be able to pass. For them, there is a special seat in the front. But the question always running in my mind is "What if there´s more than one fat person who cant pass?" Americans clearly wouldnt be able to use this system. Now the funnest part comes. Bus drivers (all of them) here tend to drive like 5-year old boys in go karts. They constantly slam on the breaks at the last second (for no apparent reason, they know where the bus stops are, they never change) and dont break at all when they turn corners. The bus is actually on two wheels at some points. It´s scary. And so (again, Im not exaggerating) it is a serious leg workout, a question of metnal and physical strength to stay standing or even stay in your seat. I actually I have to hold on to the bars sometimes or the seat in front of me just to stay sitting!!! What the hell?! People are always stumbling, struggling to stay vertical, rolling their eyes frustrated. Yet the bus drivers never cease, it never changes. We know that they know that we know that it´s freaking annoying and quite frankly, dangerous but Im convinced that this is their chance. This is their opportunity to have control and to play their own game, "How-many-can-I-knock-down". Similar to bowling, the more pins that go down the more points you get. Let me tell you, Im close to throwing a bowling ball at one of these drivers. Then once you pull the string for him to stop, you have to jump off because more often than not, he starts going again before you´re off the last step. As you can see, it´s a very good opportunity to practice patience and meditation. If you can take a bus here without blowing steam from your ears... well, you cant so forget it.

• Metro- The metro also doesnt have a schedule but an upgrade from the bus, it stops at every stop and is a lot more frequent. I have never waited for more than 5 or so minutes. For me, it´s worth the 60 centavos more (like 35 cents). But during a busy time, which is most of the day, it´s a heart-racing 5 minutes of waiting as the crowds of people that want to get on get bigger and bigger. People start inching closer and closer to the where the doors will soon be in front of them and open. Everyone wants to be the first on, so you can snatch a seat. So the pushing and shoving essentially begins before you even get on. Now, if there aren´t many people on there already it´s not so bad and you just have to be quick to spot the free seat and bolt. If there´s no seat available, you try to stand by someone who you think might be getting off soon. This is not always easy to guess, but for example if the person is dressed in buisness attire they will most likely get off at one of the downtown stops. If they´re wearing flip flops or carrying a beach bag, most likely they will get off by the beach (which is farther away and toward the end of the line). You get the picture. The heart wrenching defeat hits you when you see an old woman or a pregnmant woman. You know you have to offer, but... *sigh* come on! Now on the other hand, when it arrives already packed, you´re lucky just to get on. Im dead seroius. Some people cant even get on because it is so squeezed and packed tight. I´ve seen families be separated (It was like watching Kate and Leo in Titanic when Leo drifts into the frozen water... very sad) . It´s crazy. Once, I swear I saw a man who works for the metro push and shove people to fit in before the electric doors closed and a woman´s hair was flapping in the breeze as the metro flew away.

• Walking- this isnt so much public transportation as physical transportation but when it´s on the streets around, I think it counts. I hope that you all have seen Frogger, the old video game. If you havent, you should youtube a video to the idea. In the game, you are the frog, trying to cross the street without getting hit and cross the river by logs in order to get to the forest. Walking in Rio is exactly like this, you are sprinting to cross the street but also you need to shift left and right in order to time perfectly to not get pegged. And when cars see you, rather than giving you the ride-away, it´s the opposite. They speed up. Not to mention the sidewalks dont always have enough room (especially downtown) so you always have to risk it and hop into the street real quick to pass the slow pokes. Everyone is impatient, sweaty, in a hurry...

So as you can see, trying to get around here is exhausting in itself besides actually working. Here in Rio, traffic is a huge problem and on the news I heard that on average, people here spend about 2 to 4 hours a day commuting. So Unfortunately, I see no end in sight to this war. People gotta commute and I gotta sit!