Attitude, body language, tone of voice; I'm now convinced (after extreme examples) that these are crucial and priceless. I'm going to use 5 examples to illustrate my point. And I hope just from my words, you'll be able to feel the difference.

1) Claudio and Claudia- oh where to begin. These are my bosses at one of the schools I teach for. Coincidentally they have the same name and the same uptight, snap-your-finger (honesty she snaps her fingers, all the time), "we're better than the rest" attitude. I have to be clear though that they are good at what they do. They speak great English, have studied it word for word tirelessly, been to USA. Also they studied psychology and real teaching techniques and effective ways to teach. With that said, they give me negative vibes. They are so high strung you feel like you can't breathe because it will be a waste of their precious time. They constantly ask me to come in to the office to practice and "train". This would be useful IF I learned something new and they didnt spend most of the time showing off that they know a lot of English. Sometimes they repeat the same concept 100 times in a 100 different ways, I think just to prove their English is good. Wow, you know idioms, congrats! (Dad, just so you know an idiom is a metaphorical phrase used for emphasis such as sweating like a pig, sleep like a log, break a leg.) They're always telling me "Our students come to us because they know we're the best. They expect to really learn English. We're the best because we train our teachers well." Ok first of all, most Brazilians haven't heard of their school, second of all the school doesn't change the student´s personality or motivation. Ricardo learned English on his own with no book, no school, he didnt pay for someone to just hand him English. He made the effort. I appreciate their effort to help me improve but often I feel suffocated and belittled. They come into my class to "observe" or "assist," this actually means that they take over my class by snapping their fingers when the student doesn't answer fast enough, make jokes with too-advanced English that only serves the purpose of showing off and demands that they memorize rules. I might have become a So-Cal hippie over the years but I just wanna hug my students and tell them to take a deep breath. Pressure isn't my teaching strategy. I think class should be fun and relaxed, no one is going to be fluent in one class. Mistakes are normal and helpful. CHILL!

When theyre stressed for something else, they talk to everyone with this frown and low face and the air is filled with discomfort. They run this business and constantly boast or have pity parties of how hard they work. They never seem to express compassion and when they attempt to say they understand you, it's with such a harsh unsympathetic tone that it's not really believable. Leaving their office, 9 times out of 10 I'm exhausted, needing a drink and trying to rememebr the positive things in Rio.

2) Adriane- I chuckle when I think of Adriane, another boss from a different school. Although she's no more positive than Claudio and Claudia and no less uptight, I can stand her more for a few reasons. One, she's consistent (she's her grumpy self and doesn't change for anyone), two, she makes me stronger (normally people like her make me cry but I've learned to take a breath and toughen my skin when I enter her office), three, she loves Obama, not as a politician but she thinks he´s hot and has his picture on a coffee cup. Adriane isnt belitting but she´s a "no s***" kind of person. She doesnt waste my time and she doesnt let me waste hers. She´s very cut-and-dry "Hi, Kristina it´s Adriane, can you talk? Great, I have a class on Tuesdays from 12-1pm can you do it?" Me: "Well, um, Im not sure... where is it? How many students? I... well..." Her: "Are you busy or not? Just email me by tonight, thanks bye." She´s not afraid of anyone and is NEVER afraid to give her opinion, which is usually blunt and judgemental.

3) CNA staff- CNA is another school I teach at, my favorite in fact. And although Im under the director and head teacher, I communicate mostly with the secretaries. They are adorable, sweet and friendly. We can spend hours talking if class didnt interrupt us. Also, the school itself is more relaxed. They give me more freedom to make my own lesson plans (I have a book of course but they dont test and quiz me and make me act out the class before I even teach it). And when I have an issue (misbehaving student, a schedule that´s not ideal) I can just be honest with them that Im only in Rio a short time and wnat to enjoy my time also, not work too much. Or that my students are at different levels and we should switch the classes. They are always flexible and try their best to fix it. Plus they give me chocolate and other goodies. Good environment, I feel comfortable and welcome. Not to mention, this school is a chain, they´re all over Rio and are pretty well known yet they never flaunt, boast or act rude with me. They never make me feel little. Im going to miss them :-) (and my best students are there too!)

4) My classes- This includes both me and my students. I feel like we feed off each other. And even when Im tired, I like teaching and I plan fun activities that interest me (and them) like popular music or interesting discussions, that I enjoy it and it shows. Im very outgoing, and especially with the kids I like to act silly or make jokes (for the shy, quiet students, I leave the room and yell "I cant hear you!" so that they will speak up). I move around a lot, I ask about their personal lives (wives, kids, work, school, etc.) and surprise, I tell them about my own. I tell them the funny stories about when I get lost and cant speak Portuguese or get squeezed and squished on the metro. I think they enjoy seeing that I suffer Portuguese just like they suffer English, that Im normal. When my students have problems or miss class or miss tests, they can be honest with me and Im very honest with them. I tell them "If you talk everyday in class, study the new material, ask questions, practice, etc. you wont fail the test and you wont fail my class. I prefer you enjoy and practice SPEAKING rather than stressing about one little letter or preposition on the test." I give them bonus points for using slang like "Whatever" or "What the hell?!"

I like to think that my classes are fun and enjoyable. My students know that it´s their responsibility to be motivated, to study, to try... I think with this more relaxed atmosphere, I have so many recommendations. I always get new students who switched from other teachers or students´ friends who join the class based on what they´ve heard. (Yay, A+ for me!)

5) Ricardo- Last example, this one is not about work. Ricardo is one of the most patient and happy (consistently) person I know (so far haha). He complains about things like Brazil and soccer sometimes, but not like a normal person b****es and moans. He doesnt get angry. Sometimes he has backpain or a headache and never says a word. Until I see him taking medicine and I ask what´s wrong, then I realize he´s been in pain all day.

So the perfect illustrative story for Ricardo´s attitude and body language and tone of voice goes like this... We were in the car, stuck in traffic, windows down, stopped at a light. A guy riding his bike rode past Ricardo´s side and hit his side mirror... on purpose with his hand as he hummed to himself. The mirror didnt break but it got turned so that Ricardo couldnt see his blindspot. Ricardo quietly adjusted it. I didnt really notice it because he didnt react, I assumed it was normal and not a big deal. Later when I was complaining to Ricardo that he never gets angry he said, "Kristina, I DO get angry. Remember that guy who hit my mirror? I wanted to get out and punch him... but I´ve had a lot of practice in Kung Fu of how to be patient and control it. But I do get angry, I just dont show it." He was angry at the guy for hitting his mirror, but he didnt let it ruin our time together. He never said a word, no anger, no hatred, we just went on with our afternoon and enjoyed each other´s company. What a difference it would have been had he gotten angry, irritated and grumpy, then taken it out on me, or let it ruin the whole day.

So as you can see, from these detailed descriptions, I am learning better than I ever have before how important your attitude, body language and tone of voice are (sorry Dad I know you´ve been teaching me this for years... it just clicked haha). I doubt I´ll be as patient as Ricardo anytime soon but at least I can work on not being too uptight and not putting my negative emotions on other people.

Life is not that serious, chill out!!