Let´s go back a while... please refer to the blog I posted roughly a month ago about the doctor visit. You all must remember that one. Well... after a month of still having an itchy head (and a variety of different bumps, bites and rashes on my body) I was convinced that it wasnt psoriosis nor the heat. I am constantly complaining to Ricardo that I have something and it´s not better. Finally, we made a dermatologist appointment to find out what it was. I was reluctant because my insurance doesnt cover me here in Brazil (only for limbs and life/death emergencies), but I couldnt take it anymore. Even only 5 weeks (woo, 5 weeks!!) might drive me to insanity.

But it didnt take investigator skills to quickly find the problem... as I was washing my hair in the shower yesterday I discovered a small little bug under my nail that I had scratched off. I was disgusted and thought "What the hell?" And when I got out of the shower I ran to Ricardo´s mom and told him I had a bug in my hair. She asked if maybe I had "piolhos" because she had shampoo for that. I said I dont know that word in Portuguse (among many other words) so I googled it. I read the screen with little surprise and a lot of disgust.

L-I-C-E

Aahoiueirujalkdjfalkdjakjdaakdfalkd (that´s me shuddering.

Then I google imaged lice and sure enough, it was a spitting image, identical twin, maybe distant cousin of the little guy I found under my nail in the shower. I had to share this news as soon as possible, I needed someone to feel as disgusted as me, have sympathy that Im stuck in this dirty third-world country with bugs crawling on my scalp. Who was the lucky lady?

"Hello?"
"Mom, I have lice."
"You what?"
"I have lice."
"The connection is bad, you have what?"
"Lice!"
"Life? What are you talking about?"
"Mom!! For the love of God, I have little bugs crawling in my head!"
"Oh... well at least you dont have to spend money on a dermatologist."

Thanks Mom, wow. A gasp would have been more expected or a "Eew gross!" But no.

So basically if I calculate correctly, for about a month now I have had these little b*****s (pun intended) crawling and reproducing and developing a damn colony on my precious head. Not even the hair dye killed them. But what is more baffling is how Ricardo doesnt have it! We are always together, we sleep next to each other (dont worry Dad, theres an electric fence between us) and he even scratches my head sometimes! And he doesnt have it. That´s so strange. Also, how could that ridiculous (PUBLIC) half-wit doctor think it was the heat?!?! But I´m pretty sure it´s from the first time I volunteered with the babies in the favela because that´s about the time it started (before I moved in with Ricardo) and in those slum areas, it´s not uncommon to find that kind of stuff.

So MYSTERY SOLVED! I still dont know if that explains the other bumps and bites that Ive had, but we´ll see. If it doesnt all go away, then I will probably go to the dermatologist.

But the story´s not over yet. Now that I discovered the culpret, I had to bring them down, get sweet revenge on these blood-sucking jerks. So I used the shampoo, aggressively scrubbing my scalp for an eternity, letting the poisenous bubbles sizzle those things to death. Then poor Ricardo, the saint that he is, spent over half an hour bent over my head combing out one after another lice corps. Big, small, fat, skinny, dark, light... it was a colony alright. I couldn´t stop cringing. How the hell Ricardo could do this without complaining or throwing up is another mystery. Let´s be honest, I dont think my own brother would go that far.

So it´s safe to say, that´s the last straw with Brazil. We´re definetely over, I´ve had too many suspitions and deceit, always comparing him to others, I dont speak his language... I cant take this unhealthy relationship much longer. The honeymoon phase is over (after about 2 weeks, the vacation ended) and I prefer to look at him from a sweet distance.

When we finally put the comb down and went to bed at like 1 30am, Ricardo said "See, now do you see why I cant wait to leave Brazil?" And on that note, Ricardo started his process of signing up for the dates to go to USA for his work program and it looks like he might go to San Diego and Arizona BEFORE Colorado so he can see where I live and meet my family!! I´m so excited!! (see, there was a happy ending afterall)