Ok after a few funny ones I think it's time to throw in a serious blog. Don't worry, I'll try not to be a Debbie Downer and make it depressing but you already know that I like to include everything in this blog- both the "you should be jealous"-good and the "be glad you're not me"-bad. It's all part of the experience right?

I decided to wait until when I'm in a good mood to write this so that its from a more realistic perspective. So although I feel content currently sitting on the beautiful Brazilian beach with a cool breeze, this past week or two has found me in a quite different state. Some friends and family from home have had to see me crying over skype, fed up with some things (bus schedule and overpriced things like $15 can of tennis balls) and discouraged by others (Portuguese is like an annoying chihuahua yapping non stop, I just cant get through one day without having misunderstandings).

Ok ok I´ll get to the point: this is getting hard. It was fun for the first few weeks, always doing new things, meeting new people, hearing new music, trying to improve Portguese... But suddenly it's the end of September and I realize that I've gotten into a typical routine: working, exercising and spending hours on skype grasping on to my precious first-world. I'm still having fun with Ricardo but we only speak English, and he's my only real friend (others are strange, too busy or we have language barriers but I do have a few others). I read books in English, and although I kinda like some Brazilian music I still much prefer my familiar Spanish songs.

I'm not trying to be anti-Brazil, not at all but what happens is that when it gets a little difficult (I got lost one day and had a lot of trouble communicating with a woman for help with directions. I ended up breaking down crying right in front of her), I just shut down and conclude "Brazil is not for me, Spanish is better, I miss home", etc. When I don't understand Ricardo´s mom I simply ask him to translate. I'm not immersing myself as much as I could and I find myself getting frustrated more often, usually ending in tears. I don't understand the systems, I don't speak the language well (try to imagine me NOT able to express myself or make sarcastic remarks, painful just to imagine right!), I hate paying double or triple for the same thing I have at home, it's hot and I don't understand why you can't put my coffee IN ICE, it's not rocket science!!!

On a happier note, I'm loving work and can't begin to express my gratitude for Ricardo. It's hard to stay unhappy when I have such awesome students and such an awesome boyfriend. My students are fun and excited to learn, I even had new students last week that personally requested to switch to my class because they heard how good I was. I'm going to be sad to leave them because I love watching them improve and I want to keep helping them. Then on Ricardos part, I can't ignore that besides having to hear me whine for hours on skype he also spends a lot of time trying to find a way to make me happy (find somewhat cheap tennis rackets and a court with a net, not easy trust me). He took me to the movies (in English with subtitles), hung out with some of my friends who were drinking, smoking and speaking mostly Spanish (3 things he doesn't do) and never complained.

Im currently reading a book by my favorite author, Paulo Coehlo (coincidentally one of the most famous authors from Rio de Janeiro) and this morning I read a good quote:

"You do not drown simply by plunging into water, you only drown if you stay beneath the surface."

The thing is when my parents tell me "You always have the option to come home," my immediate reaction is, "No." It´s tempting but at the same time, I already have less than 2 months left and I think I would regret it if I left early. I know that I wont speak fluent Portuguese tomorrow and I know that I´ll probably get lost a few more times BUT I also dont want to let my students down and I know there are more beautiful places I havent seen here.

Im grateful to be in Brazil, and I know Im lucky I had the opportunity to stay. And I know I should find the positive and enjoy the moment, but trust me sometimes it´s easier said than done. In the end, it´s not the end of the world that I have difficulties, misunderstandings and bad days... it´s just a challenge that I know I should learn to deal with. So Im going to try my very best to not drown here :-P.