After teaching English in Costa Rica, I thought I had an idea of how it was. In my first month here I'm learning that the English-learning industry works a little differently in Brazil. I'm also learning that my English skills aren't exactly fine-tuned (thank you Jaz and Steven for tutoring me). First of all, here in Brazil businesses are so adamant that employees must speak English that they pay for the private classes. But that means the classes are AT the company's location. This is to be sure that they are attending the class (and we also show students´ reports and grades to Human Resources like elementary kids) and that the teacher is constantly traveling all over the damn city from office to office, normally for only a one hour class. This wouldn't be so bad if the buses had a schedule and if there wasn't always traffic (literally all hours of the day there is traffic).

This might be a surprise but often a native English speaker can make for the worst teacher. This is because we often make petty errors without knowing it and even when we get lucky and are correct, we have no idea how to explain it. Example: "you HAD better clean your room" is correct but we always say "you better...". Also, try to explain the difference between talk, speak, say and tell. "talk to you later" is different than "I'll tell you later" and "I speak fast" is okay but "I talk Spanish" is not. You get the idea.

So as if I wasn't just a normal poor English-speaking American, it turns out I'm a little below average. One day, the word "dogmatic" was in our text (damn Advanced students) and I had not the slightest idea what it means. I had to text a Brazilian who apparentently should teach English because he knew. In another class we were discussing religion and the student asked how to say "evangelico" in English. I've heard of the religion and know of it but I wasn't positive how to spell or pronounce it in English. I wrote "evangical" and quickly switched the topic to Judism. Later on Skype, Jazmin made me listen and repeat "evanGELical" 50 times (to help me or entertain herself I'm not sure). I've learned a lot of English here... Apparently vesicles and vessel are different. Spendthrift and demotivated are (useless but) legitimate words. My mom will never accept that "Overwelcome your stay" sounds just as good as "Overstay your welcome".

My English skills (or lack thereof) aside, my students are a whole nother story. Saturday I have 6 great students, all roughly my age, good sense of humor, same level. I thoroughly enjoy this class, Im able to bring pop music and slang words. I like to think that this class makes up for the rest of the week in which I suffer with learning disabilities and grumpy old men.

Twice a week I have a beginners class that should have 3 people yet each week only one shows up. Therefore my group activities are worthless and on top of that, he's 15 with a learning disability. I'm not making jokes or insulting him but it's obvious he has problems (even in Portuguese) paying attention, distinguishing "he" from "her", and often he changes the subject abruptly. We usually can't get further than one page each class and as if that's not already difficult, it´s even harder when another student shows up because they are bored repeating the same basic phrase (Hello, my name is...) 100 times. But I have more patience here than my private lesson with Luiz and Dirceu, two divorced men in their 70's who were just desperate for a new hobby. I hate to kick 'em when they're down, but I truly believe dominoes or bingo would have been more fitting. Luiz already speaks fairly well, broken intermediate English from school. Dirceu, on the other hand, never took a class and only knows random phrases and basic subjects (I, you, he, she, etc.). I know this is just for fun, they don't want a book or anything that's fine. I planned a lesson to open with "I am, you are, he is, etc.) then build on adjectives and practice describing things, THEN build on present continuous (He is running. I am speaking. We are learning). These basic things are a good base necessary for a lot of conversation. I know, because I speak English (enough)!! Well about 5 minutes in, Dirceu doesn't like this idea and he makes his opinion known as loudly and bluntly as Grandma Deanne (but he's not as pretty to look at). So he goes on and on and on and on... I just smile and nod because 1- I'm getting paid in no matter what and 2- I only understand half of what he's saying (nice advantage to not speaking good Portuguese). I eventually conclude that he prefers to pick a "tema" (theme), read about it then talk. How he expects to do this without simple vocabulary like "is" and "good", I have no clue. So I run to the computer room and print an article about Global Warming. Then we proceed, each of them taking turns reading paragraphs then translating one... Word... At... A... Time. This benefits Dirceu none since Luiz just translates how HE thinks it is, because between the two of them, Luiz is the "expert". Then they chit chat in Portuguese. I try making it a conversation by asking "Is Global Warming caused by humans or is it natural?" This is intentional because most of these words are the same in Portuguese (causado, humano, natural). Now Dirceu is irritated because he doesn't understand what I'm saying. WHAT?! You don't understand? Wow, what a surprise. This might be due to your senile attitude and lack of basic English skills that which of I tried teaching you.

Then you throw in Leonardo, the student who's so advanced I have nothing to teach him (I just bring in news or interesting convo topics and correct his minuscule errors) and Leonor who is from Colombia and teaches Spanish. She overheard my class and loved me and requested I give her private lessons just in conversation. I appreciate these students, since they dont make me want to hit my head on a wall.

So clearly, my week is just full of adventures and surprises. Between learning English, trying to explain things in Portuguese (that´s entertaining) and pulling creative explanations out of my butt... I dont think teaching English is going to be my longterm career. But in the meantime, it makes for a good laugh and it helps me stay in Brazil!