Oh wow! This last 8 days has to be the fastest time has passed ever! I haven`t written anything here for that long and i feel like i have done so much. i think it is because i have moved on and been to 2 new places and felt so many different emotions! I have also had time to think about everything going on around me. Last wednesday (2nd April) was Selena`s big concert. The event had finally arrived! If im completely honest with myself i had switched off to it all. Up until monday i had been looking forward to it and was curious as to how the evening was going to be as there was such a mix of music billed. I think i have had to learn though that sometimes NO is not a negative word. Selena had become so so intense and i felt myself trying to avoid her - i was feeling that i wanted to be out of the hostel if she was working and on her days off i was hoping that she wouldn`t come to the hostel (unlikely considering she only lives across the road!!). She seemed to have started organising my time for me, i had made sure that i had done all i had committed myself to do for the event. I totally appreciate that there will always be something that needs doing and i have thoroughly enjoyed canvassing for the event and being involved, but i had to draw the line somewhere. I was starting to feel that i wasn`t àllowed`to saty at the hostel and socialise with Deb and Trim and Johann and Lorena and Rachel and Shannon. If i was there Selena was on the phone asking where i was and what i was doing and would i go to the studio (art studio - where she was making some artwork as gifts for musicians at the concert and also signage for the concert), to help her as she was going to be there all night working. Her intense behaviour towards me had also been noticed by the others. Both Johan and Deb asked me separately if i was ok and told me that i should back off and i had already been a fantastic support/help/friend to her. She is a grown woman and shouldn`t behave like that! Plus when Selena is busy she thinks no-one else is and she gets `stressed`and shouts a lot!! Johan actually said that if it were him he`d tell her to F$%ck off!! (swearing doesn`t count when its Johan!). It was nice to know though that i was being a horror in feeling that i was so annoyed with her!! She then wanted for me to spend my last 2 nights in Toronto at Trevors house with her!! Aaaaaaaaarrrrrgggggggghhh enough was enough i had to start being blunt and just saying NO. If i say no because.... and give a reason - she will find a reason why not and pressure you into doing stuff! I felt like such a grotbag NO NO NO NO!!! it felt like the only thing that came out of my mouth! I told her that i would be arriving at the concert with the rest of the hostel gang and not going early. It was met with a soulful look but i knew i had to follow it through! So on the evening as it was so sunny (a little cold - but still sunny) Deb and trim decided to walk along - so i joined them - it was nice. I really like Deb and Trim they are good company and have become good friends. We arrived just in nice time for the first act. It was a rapper dude - he was pretty good. The whole event was good - all the music was great - especially Leela Gilday - the top of the Bill! She is a canadian singer form Vancouver and is really talented - she has an amazing voice and we were very lucky to have her there. I ended up selling raffle tickets! I had been sat down for about 10 minutes and Selena sent Trevor over to ask if i would like to sell some raffle tickets!!!!! We all just had to laugh! I actually sold loads - i think people were buying for the entertainment of my accent!! haha! I thought we were getting food at the event but apparently not - i had only had a snack before we came out so by the time we left i was starving!!!!!! I had to grab one of the muffins left in the breakfast basket at the hostel!! haha! I think one of the things i felt most frustrated about was that there was a band playing at the `horse shoe tavern`(bar in Toronto) on the same evening. It is a band lead by the guy who used to be the frontman for the Refreshments. I would have liked to see them play and its a good bar down ther ethat gets lots of good bands with a only a small cover charge but no ticket charge. They didn`t start playing until 10.30pm so i could have done both Selena`s and the band - but.... i knew the reaction that would get and so almost didn`t dare to say this to Selena. i shouldn`t have let things get that far. Trim and Jahn went to see the band. Johan didn`t go to Selena`s concert though. Trim did both (Selenas and the band) - when he left Selenas though i so wanted to go with him!! I felt more annoyed with myself than anything i think. There was also another issue i had to sort out with Selena but i decided to let the concert go before i spoke to her about it.

Thursday (3rd April) was Shannons birthday!! I got excited when Lady Rachel (she was working at the hostel all day) asked if i would watch the phones while she nipped out to get stuff to make shannons birthday cake! I like a homemade cake!!! Then she came back with a ready made cake mix that you just add milk to!!!!!! "eeee Rachel" i said..." ithought you were going to bake a cake proper!!" She laughed at me - "well i have bought some chocolate to put on top!!!"

As it was my last thursday in Toronto and i had my 1 week gym pass i decided to go to the kickboxing class i had enjoyed so much! it was a good session too - and my friend Lindsay came ( i met her and parterned her a few times over the weeks) so we had a laugh. Lindsay is moving to Melbourne in December - that is where her fella lives. We swapped email and have said we will keep in touch and maybe we`ll get to meet up in oz!! haha! I arrived home just in time for the cake cutting! I must admit - to say it came out of a packet it was a pretty nice cake!! I had to try a second piece to make sure! haha!

Friday (4th) was a wet and miserable day weather wise! Selena was working and was in a lets slam everything around and not say much kind of a mood - so i went out for the day! I needed to do some banking and stuff anyway. I went to use the cash machine - only to find that my card didnt work!! The machine didnt even ask for my PIN it just spat my card out! Oh well thats just perfect i thought! Now i can`t get to my own money! I then started to worry that my account was empty - even though i knew it couldnt be - i was just being stupid. The weather and Selena and my cashcard made me feel sorry for myself! I feel silly that i felt like that now! I took myself to the gym for a shower and a steam and a sauna and walked the ling way back to the hostel. By the time i got back Trim and Lorena were there too - it was 5.20pm!! I left the hostel at 11am that morning so when Trim said "hey how are you? where you been today??" I had no idea! What had i done for that long?? I was so frustrated that i just walked around in the fresh rain!!! Down by the lake fornt - i guess the city is so big that it took a while to get back! We had Pasta dinner as it was friday and i just completely stayed away from Selena - all of this soeems to sound terrible as i write it down but i found out on the friday too that she had told me a big lie. I felt a bit scared by one of the things that happened and how she lied to me. If this was my diary that i was writing i would expand but i don`t want it all over the net. She disrespected the friendship though. I knew ihad to sort it out but as the hostel was full and everyone was enjoying dinner i decided it would wait until saturday morning - first thing! I went to bed pretty early friday night.

I didnt sleep too well on friday night and i was thinking things over in my head - i know i am not perfect and wanted to be clear about what had happened. I could have really done with sitting and chatting with my and sarah that night they always know what to say and do!