A wise person I recentley came across, told a story that really seemed to resonate with me...He told a story of going to yoga class, and getting into a headstand posture. While he was upside down, he started getting very confused, everything he felt was coming to the surface....the instructor came over to him and said....'good, stay there." The lesson...sometimes confusion is a good thing, simply because it stirs those different emotions to keep us moving, or change things that need to be changed. If we were complacent all the time, and never felt confusion...we might not make the changes that truly need to be made. Another fantastic example of this would be my students. while at times I interpret the look of confusion in their eyes as negative...the confusion means they are trying to figure it out, and are not happy with status quo, they want more, this is a very positive good thing.

On Friday I finish my CELTA course. I would say the past month has taught me more about patience then I could have ever learned in a book, a seminar, or simply just living day to day. I've learned to practice the art of patience not only with my students, but also within myself. With my students, its much easier because to some degree I care more about how they feel while they are learning, then I do about myself. I've committed myself to being a teacher that is caring, takes extra time, is creative and puts in that extra effort. I do this, because I wish I had that with half the teachers I encountered growing up...possibly...if they took a few extra moments....to consider my strengths....i may or may not be in a different place at the moment. I recieved my "first" letter from a student who went back to Korea. she emailed me, telling me thank you, and told me she really learned something from my lessons. I was really touched by the letter. When i was little my Bubby and Zaide, both teachers use to recieve letters from students and I found it so admirable...like they had really made a difference....

I have discovered that my patience can be pushed to limits. Some people are just not nice beings, there is sometimes no reason for this...but I have had enough of Lilly. After a month of her not letting me use the internet, wash my clothes, cook in her kitchen, being told my hair looks ugly curley, not inviting me to the jewish holiday brunch...but had me set up her place as her maid....I have reached my threshold, and can honestly say i will not be leaving on the best terms. I'm exhausted hiding how I really feel...so I don't, I just deal with the consequences. Being that I leave on the 29th and never return. I feel sorry for her, and have noticed her family does not keep in touch with her...possibly there are reasons for this, but...its just not my problem any longer.

My old travel buddy Ben is back! He got into Sydney on Saturday, and we were able to go out and have a great time and do a 9k race over the Harbor Bridge sunday morning, and partake in the marathon festivities. Thank god for my friends here, who have been really suppportive with letting me use space to get my work done, whenever I need. On the 29th we will head to Melbourne, and this is the only ticket I have booked at the moment...

While this past month has taught me patience, I have also learned a bit more of who I really am and what I want...and I do feel careerwise I'm headed exactly where I should and need to be. The next part of my journey is concentrating on a "home"....something that I have not had in a very long time. I do know where I do not want to be, but I'm finding it more difficult to decide where I do want to be. My hope, going back to the beginning of this blog, is that once I get back on the road and stir things up again....this will cause confusion, and confusion is gonna lead me to the answer, by me having to sort through what I really want.... My 21 days up the coast got me into the english program, the next adventure is gonna lead to "home"....I've realized I enjoyed this past month so much because I was really working, on a schedule, liked my environment (for the exception of lilly)...i had a purpose.

Most think I came to Australia for a holiday...but i know that I didn't. I put extra effort into the visa, and got on that plane on the 28th because I wasn't happy with status quo. When I landed in JFK from Italy for the 2 days before I got on the flight to OZ, it was maybe the worst feeling I have ever felt...NY no longer felt like home. I thought i'd be here for 3 weeks, its been 2 months, and I can see now after the time I have spent here, that I came here with a specific purpose. I don't know many backpackers that do an intensive month program while on holiday..I feel I have been on holiday for the past 2 years, my job in NY was such a joke...I did nothing all day long, I spent my days in central park, I have had plenty of time to relax...I just kept coming to the same spot...its no wonder I wanted to get away from it, and throw myself into something intense so I could feel some sense of work ethic, and purpose finally. Truly when you step away...you see things very clearly, its just a matter of if you really want to see it....

The next few months will for sure be interesting.....

Catch ya in Melbourne;)