So Queenstown. Where to start really. The flight in was fine, despite being with BA rather than Quantas, and had two spectacular descents. First into Sydney at dawn and then into Queenstown through the mountains. Got sat next to an aspiring Aussie model who was quite chatty so it could have been worse. Fed until near bursting as per usual but can never complain about that. Arrived at NZ customs on Wednesday aftrenooon local time and managed to nearly leave behind both my camera and passport, not a great start. Had a witty and informative local shuttle bus driver from the airport to the hotel who just loved bashing both the Aussies and my accent, however i didn't rise to the banter bait as I thought it would be poor form to rip into the Kiwi's this early on...plenty of time to get high and mighty and colonial yet lol.

Got to my hostel, the Bumble backpackers, which has the most spectacular views of Lake Wakatipu from my bedroom window. It truly felt that I had been dropped into paradise. Apart from the weather that is (which I'm sure some people will be glad to hear…mentioning no names…Rick and Charlie), as it was only 5 degrees and so my choice of only packing shorts and t-shirts was looking grim. The first evening in the hostel and town was spent with Gillian, Rick and Eva who worked at thr hostel and sisters Nikita and Jocelyne from Bolton (I'm sure they wont mind me saying it but that phrase sounds as though it could have been lifted straight from X-factor auditions) who were fellow travelers. It was Gillian's leaving do and so after much pre-drinking and getting to know time we ended up in Buffalo's Bar in town, which was only 10 minutes walk from the hostel, so ideal for drunken stumblings home. As an aside the local brew was Tui which we picked up from the supermarket. It comes in 'handy' 15 packs (music to my ears) and comes with bottle tops which have fascinating facts underneath them such as 'Who invented the flush toilet? Thomas Crapper' after which we universally agreed a trip to the loo should be called "going for a Thomas" so spread the word.

The 241 vouchers were lapped up in Buffalo's and then a pool challenge was laid down for some mixed doubles. Never one to back down from such a gauntlet throwing I stepped forward. My second partner was Eva from Stuttgart in Germany, and I turned to Nikita when Eva had a shot on the black to win the game and uttered yet another one of my unique quotes, "What you need here is ruthlessness and determination, what better nationality to have on your side?" lol.

The next day didnt begin until 12 noon due to jet lag and so I asked one of the cleaners Nikki where to go for a hearty breakfast. She suggested the Breakfast Burrito at Halo's cafe. Well she wasn't wrong, what an epic breakfast feast; cheese, salami, peppers, kidney beans, chilli to name but a few. Unfortunately not ideal tucker for an afternoon walk up a mountain to get the best views of Queenstown which I had planned. Didnt quite realise that I would be trekking through the forest to get to the summit otherwise I would have worn hiking boots, not my K-Swiss gripless tennis trainers, which turned out not to be ideal when having to cross a stream. Furthermore I didnt take any water for this 4 hour yomp, Ray Mears I am not. However, I am resourceful and drank fresh water from the spring in the mountain instead, forget your Volvic and Buxton. Upon getting to the summit the views were truly breathtaking, the long flight and all the anticipation was truly worth it. I just sat there and took in the tranquility and mountain air. I knew in the future I could sit on a crowded tube, close my eyes, see this view, and smile. Suitably awestruck and rested I headed back down the other side of the mountain whreby I had a mexican stand off with some mountain goats, luckily thats all it was. Knackered from the days exertions and the jet lag I decided a night in was for the best, with an early pick up to head to Milford Sound awaiting.

So Friday came and a 5 hour coach trip to Milford Sound awaited and my first trip on the infamous Kiwi Experience bus. Words cannot begin to describe how epic and awesome the drive through the mountains was. Our driver 'Cheesy' was also an absolute legend, my favourite line of his being, "Are there any lord of the rings fans on here...well if you look to your left can you see that big mountain (everybody turns and gawps in anticipation)...well its got absolutely nothing to do with the films". Brilliant. At the first stop on the way there I saw a woman sat on her own on a bench in front of the bus enjoying a coffee, like me, and I decided to go and say hi as we both seemed in the same boat. Little did I know what was to come. Turned out her name was Kate from Burton and she had been travelling a long time and she invited me to sit next to her on the bus. Well we got on like a house on fire for the whole journey...apart from when she said, "Do you know who you look like...(oh god what's coming)...Tim Vincent." Really?! Apparantly that was a compliment.

Anyway we finally made it to Milford and got on the boat and enjoyed a top notch hot buffet lunch. Kate and I decided to hit the top deck of the boat for the views and grabedd a beer from the on-board bar on the way up (guess who spotted that). We noticed four guys, two in clown wigs and two with Hawaian flowers round their necks, jumping in all the photos of the steroetypically snap-happy Asian passengers. Well kate went over and introduced us and the rest as they say is history. The two clown wigged guys were Alex (Knoxy) and Brennan from the Aussie army over on leave, whilst the other two were Irishmen Brendan and James. The four of them had met on the bus on the way down. They seemed like our kind of people as they were the only others drinking and being loud ie. having fun. The beers and banter flowed as we all realised we had found like minded people and we decided to head out in town in the evening when we got back.

However, just to dampen the fun somewhat we had to go to the Milford Deep underwater observatory, quite possible the worst tourist attraction any of us had ever encountered, we spent the whole time just taking the michael. No sharks, rays or anything like that, rather horse mussels, sea slugs and a malfunctioning and deluded fish who thought it was camoflaged but was sadly mistaken. Back on the boat and back top shore to get the bus home. Only problem being no alcohol. We would have to wait for the only stop on the way back in Te Annu. Unfotunately Alex's bladder wasnt playing ball and the pained expression on his face after an hour said it all. Unfortunately my piss taking (no pun intended) would come back to haunt me later on, schadunfroide dont they call it? In Te Annu whilst Knoxy was taking the longest leak in history the rest of us decided to purchase a bottle of wine each (me and Kate used the $20 bill we had found on the boat...result!), thinking that would reduce the chance of needing the lav again before Queenstown. How wrong could we be? After around an hour I was in agony. Cheesy thought it was hilarious and said he couldnt stop again. So what ensued cannot be repeated on here but needless to say Kate had to shield her eyes.

Back in Queenstown we all went our separate ways to get changed and then re-emerged at Pog Mahones bar (Irish bar obviously) for happy hour at 9pm. The Aussie boys turned up with Hawaiian flowers for all and I could sense this was goin to be an epic night to remember, to top off an already memorable day. Strangely we met the daughter and son of the CEO of Heineken and they joined in the fun. It was decided to head to World Bar which is a bar/club in town. I managed to convince the bouncer that I had only been drinking from 7pm (yeah right) and once inside we purchased a cocktail in a teapot (yep you heard right, how quintisentially British). We began to dance like the crazy people we were and the rest of the night, as they say, is history!

Tune in next time to hear tales of skydives, canyon jumps and halloween partying. Au revoir from NZ for now!