Alright miserable b*****s? ... How's the weather? Cold?  

Take a look at this next picture... I'm not actually cold, or miserable... As you can see. Think 'smug' is the word for an image like that. In case you've forgotten what I look like... That's me :) Visited this nice swanky, garden joint in Timaru. Some kind of tree fest I reckon. 

Spent most of the Day there, just admiring all the green around me. It amazed me how quiet this place was. A huge, luscious, forest, with a couple of massive, pretty ponds... Empty. Bloody empty. If it was back home, it'd be heaving with people... (mainly homeless). So yeah, took full advantage of that... Gave myself a weird ab workout, and sat there drawing, whilst sunbathing in my bikini. Mwahaha! Nice work! 

This seemed to attract a lot of wildlife. Maybe they just fancied checking out my drawing skills... I dunno. All the little, chubby bees were saying hello... Sorry, I'm in Mc Donalds, and KISS - Crazy Night has just come on... ABSOLUTE TUNE MATE. Anyway, back to the bees, so yeah they were getting friendly, had a cute, grey rat thing make his acquaintance, ducks! Duck loads of the quackers! All of them, real horny b*****s too! All on the sex chase!! Big eagle thingy... Massive wings... And some little, teenie bird with an orange head. Was proper cute, so I gave him a peanut. :) 

This garden joint was pretty clever. It had all these fancy trees imported from all over the world. They all had little signs nailed onto them so you figure out what they were called and where they were from. Some were native, some from Japan, America etc... I took a picture of my favourite one. Reminded me of Winnie the Pooh. :) 

Before I forget... The Kaikoura Stag Crew have only gone and bloody invited me to the wedding haven't they? Haha... Seriously tempted. They were a fun bunch. But the other guests may find it a bit odd me being there... I didn't fancy explaining that one. "Yeah, met these guys in a bar, ended up spending the whole of their stag do with them..." They'll think I'm on something... Either that, or just assume I'm a stripper. 

Any who, so after the stag do... I needed female company. Donna (the English bird I met in Nelson) was down the road from me, staying in another hostel. I let loose, told her all the stag gossip, which we both found extremely amusing. We chilled out, tried fishing... Caught nothing. So decided to head to the Groper Garage bar for some grub. They seemed to remember me from the Stag Do... Not sure that's a good thing... It seems I may have forgotten couple of chunks from the night... A couple of games, involving stripping off a teeny bit... Don't worry! It was dignified, no nipples, I promise! 

Ordered a seafood chowder. My bloody word. It knocked spots off the other one! Served it to me in a bowl that was bigger than my head. Had huge chunks of fish and squid... Yeah, I was a big fan. The chef challenged me... said "I don't reckon you'll finish it."... You bloody what mate? ... proved him wrong didn't I? Was so good. So good. But I most definitely shouldn't have finished the whole bowl full. 

Booked myself a night in Christchurch. Ended up staying in this 'Jailhouse' Hostel. Creepy as f***. Used to be a prision. Felt like I was a proper convict, after being a naughty moo at the stag do... Didn't realise our key, also had our bed numbers on them. So when I waddled back into the room to find my chosen bed cluttered with other people's s***, and my hefty bag was thrown across the room... I wasn't too happy. Was an alright place though. 

Only stayed in Christchurch for one night. Had a big wonder around the place. It seems that since the earthquakes in 2011, Christchurch has turned into a big construction site. Still pretty interesting, so I took some snaps. But jeez... Makes you think how bad things must've been for the locals there. Scary s***. Just walking through the town you can see huge cracks in the ground, big, abandoned buildings, torn up ground... Yeah it's pretty ruined in some parts. Huge shame. However if you're a builder looking for work, cash in now! Christchurch will keep ya busy!  

So now I'm in Timaru. And by golly... What an amazing place. Just full of beach, green, beach, flowers. I took a stroll down Carloline Bay. Woah mumma. It's beautiful. It's basically this huge, beautiful green, filled with flowers, birds, and a big carnival field. It had a whole bunch of information on the war, Vicky Crosses awards, big statues, a Rose garden... Holy s***. This rose garden was some real Alice & Wonderland s***. I walked through this archway of roses... Roses, all up in my face, everywhere I looked! I dunno of any of you soppy warlocks are Flower lovers, but I'm telling you, whoever planted these bloomers, clearly pays more attention to that, than their other half... This garden was magical. I thought the little Card dudes and the Queen from Alice & Wonderland could pop out, and start jamming to 'Painting the Roses Red' at the drop of a hat! I wasn't wearing a hat, so that didn't happen. 

Whilst basking at the 'Timaru Botanic Gardens'... I had myself an epiphany. I need a f***ing haircut. And a new toothbrush at that. I went to PAK 'N' SAVE to save myself some dough. Nabbed a highlight kit for ten bucks... And I had one of the shop assistants help me find a pair of 'make do' hair scissors. MULTI PURPOSE KITCHEN SCISSORS. If you don't see any picture of me for a while... It may be because I've actually chopped my head off with these machete scissors. Wish me luck. GULP. 

Anyway so here I am for the time being... Until I decide whether or not to make an appearance at this wedding.... PAHAHA!!! Oh bloody hell.