Sawa-dee-kah!



We arrived in Bangkok, excited and full of memories of our last visit here. And it was all going so well until the third night. Once we had been dropped off by our taxi at the end of the infamous Khao Sanh Road, we quickly found our way to our hostel, the same one that we stayed in 6 years ago when we set off on our first big adventure. We had a beer and sat back and watched the streets in front of us as we enjoyed thinking back to the last time we were here, what had changed and what was the same. We remembered our first night we arrived back in 2008, we saw the step we sat on and ate our first ever Pad Thai. It's crazy thinking about what's happened since then, it's crazy that we've made it back and not only that it's crazy that we're married! A great moment.

One thing that's definitley not changed though is the sun! It was so hot! Yes, everything was perfect when we arrived in Bangkok at first. Until 'the incident'.

For those not in the know Khao Sanh Rd is a sort of Mecca for backpackers. Not many trips to Asia don't find their way here at some point. It's a relatively short street full of bars, shops and travel agency's. Some people hate it and some people love it. It's all about how you look at it. On the surface it can easily look like a tacky strip in a busy Spanish tourist resort. People getting wrecked, every man and his dog trying to sleazily rip you off and the obligatory KFC, Burger King and Mcdonalds. But behind that there is still a hedonistic traveller atmosphere that created the most popular street in Bangkok (well popular for backpackers), there's still a great hippy vibe down some of the back streets, still some of the greatest and cheapest food to be found in Thailand and still some of the most interesting and bizarre people you will ever meet. Our favourite this time was a man from Italy who was cycling up and down the road offering nothing else but 'free hugs'. So whilst a lot hate it, we fall into the other category and love it. Well we did love it, up until now.

As we've spent many nights in Bangkok in the past we didn't feel it necessary to explore too much. It was too hot anyway. So, other than a quick tuk tuk ride to the Indian embassy to get our visas for our next country we idled our time around Khao Sanh Road. Not that we might need the visas anymore. We may be coming home sooner than planned. David's just not the same since it happened.

One of the best things about Bangkok, and Thailand in general is obviously the food. We have been talking about the first Thai food we would eat since the day we left. Within 24 hours of arriving we had eaten Green Curry, Red Curry, Pad Thai, Meat on a Stick, Papaya Salad, Tom Yum Soup, Pad Kra Pow, Chicken with Cashew Nuts and more Fruit Smoothies than you can shake a stick at. Everything was going so well. Now though, we don't know what to do. David has been spending most of the time in the shower scrubbing himself over and over with soap or if not he's sat on the floor rocking. At nights he suddenly screams out, drenched in sweat as he relives what happened on that evening.

We were enjoying ourselves so much in Bangkok, that we spent a lot of time drinking cocktails. It's probably the cocktails that caused David to let his guard down. We had been enjoying ourselves watching some of the World Cup matches in a cocktail bar that had been converted from a VW camper that included fitting a tv in the boot. Following the football we were having some drinks at a bar on Khao Sanh Rd. And that's where it all went wrong.

David needed a wee. We were sat outside a night club and that where he went to find a gents. He walked down some stairs to a dark smoky room that was playing loud dance music. Several groups of drunken British boys and girls filled the dance floor, unsteadily dancing and flirting with each other. The air conditioning and smoke was powerful down there and immediately dried out his contact lenses rendering him temporary blind. He managed to fight his way across the room to find the small partially hidden door to the toilets. Due to the obscured vision he didn't notice the small elderly Thai lady sat outside the toilets in front of a small bowl filled with change. Obviously this was to pay for the no doubt exceptionally clean restroom located on the other side of the door. Unfortunately David didn't see this and attempted to simply wander past.

WHACK! A sharp pain shot across the skin of David's ****. The Thai lady, now stood up was holding a stick and had obviously shown David how serious she was about claiming her fee.

"Hey! You pay!"

Realising now, David quickly reached in his pocket and donated some funds. If that had have been the worst of it, it would have all been ok. Or if he had no change meaning he had to leave and find a toilet elsewhere it would have been all ok. He didn't know what menace, what horror lurked behind that toilet door.

He entered the gents managed to get some of his vision back. The toilets were surprisingly well looked after, 2 cubicles and 3 urinals against the wall. The music was quieter in here. There was a few people in there; 2 British lads washing their hands talking about which girl they wanted to sleep with, another guy who had vomit around his chin who was just leaving and a young Thai bloke by the hand drier. David made his way to the urinal. Unbeknown as he did so he was being watched.

David stood at the urinal, undid his flies, retrieved little Wheeler from his pouch and felt relief as he let several litres of beer and cocktails flow out. In the background he heard the music get suddenly louder as the door opened and the British lads left. Now he was alone and relaxed as he waited to finish his visit. It was a sudden shock when David felt the hands reach through his arms from behind. He could feel a warm breath on the back of his neck. Quickly looking round he saw a face up close to his. The Thai mans face smiled a mischievous grin as he brought his hands up and gripped David's neck. Pure cold fear immediately consumed David. He was obviously going to be strangled and killed.

Questions and panicked thoughts immediately raced through his mind. Why? Was this a mugging? Was this punishment from the old lady outside? What will happen to his body? Claire. When would she realise he was missing? Would she ever find out what happened? Will she be ok? And then realising his position, stood at the urinal mid flow would they find his body splayed out with his manhood exposed? Would he be seen as some kind of pervert as opposed to an innocent victim!

David attempted to struggle, stupidly he still didn't want to let go of his willy as he didn't want to get wee everywhere. The least of his problems. The Thai man, still with that sadistic grin reached past his neck and took hold of his head now and tightened his grip. It appeared he was going to break David's neck. Oh well, at least that would be quicker than being strangled. David braced for it. Helpless. Then SNAP. But nothing happened. The Thai man tried the other direction. SNAP. Still nothing. The Thai man, still smiling proceeded to beat David up. He pulled his arms in strange directions. More SNAPS. He lifted him up. SNAP. All whilst David was still attempting to control the direction of his wee! The Thai man, still with that damn grin, continued his assault on David twisting and shaping his joints in all manner of directions and every time that damn SNAP noises. What evil magic was this? At this point the wee had finished and David was able to put his little soldier away ans free his hands at which the Thai man grabbed his hands and pulled at each finger SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP!

Then letting go of David, the grinning Thai devil stood in front of him and said "Sir, Thai massage". He then placed his hands together and bowed, followed by placing his open hand out in front of him palm side up.

David, realising his chance for escape shoved some notes in the hand of the Thai Devil and bolted for the exit. Without looking back. He hasn't been the same since.


So despite David's 'incident', returning to Bangkok has been fun and brilliant for reminissing.

No doubt it's not the last we will have seen of the place on this trip yet.

Things we have learned
1. Bangkok hasn't changed
2. Bangkok is actually the hottest place on the planet
3. Thai food is better than Chinese food

Planes used - 2 (+1)
Buses used - 16
Trains used - 8
Metros/subways used - 17 (+1)
Cars used - 5
Russian Campervans used -1
Horses used - 1
Camels used - 1
Taxis used - 5 (+2)
Cable cars used 1
Bicycles used 1
Tuk tuks used 3 (+3)