Hi guys well its time to do my first few weeks in Melbourne, to get this blog up to date iv been sitting outside of the library which i smy favourite place in melbourne practically (im here all of the time for the free internet...) trying to remember all the fun things iv been up to since i arrived 17 days ago. I cant think of everything surprisingly but its mad to think that I have been here only such a short time as s*** loads has happened!! So from the top... I arrived in Australia, all the way from KL. It was a canny warm (which never happens with air asia - usually baltic) 8 hour flight, i got on filled out my 'I am not carrying any illegals into the country' form then basically fell asleep!! for most of the flight amazingly i was well impressed with myself as it was a night flight and I was landing AM so its always good to be ahead of the game with those long flights. I woke up just in time for my amazing breakfast that i had ordered which was pancakes with butter and honey. they were amazing like real life scotch pancakeys that you get in marks and spencers. yummy! i also did wake a few times throughout the flight as it was VERY turbulent!! it was quite extreme to be honest at one point they shouted brace it was all very dramatic... ok so the last bit might be a lie. or not? since i had to travel to Melbourne alone yous may never know - shame on you all for not moving with me to the other end of the world!!

So im in the airport at Melbourne im proper buzzing that iv finally arrived so end up in the BIGGEST queue ever for immigration. even though im british... so im waiting n waiting and i start getting impatient so i figure ill check meself in on facebook to let everyone know i arrived, but as soon as i get my phone out im almost arrested, beaten and carted back off to KL. Sort of anyways, a young man i swear his name was Bruce (old miserable man) comes over and tells me 'its illegal to have your phone out in public here so immediately put it away please Sheila' as if he thinks im called Sheila! anyways so i put it away frightened of being kicked out the country before i even made it in, when i suddenly realise the whole bloody queue is on their phones and ipads etc etc etc and they arent been told a thing by that nasty man. shame on him. Fancy being that racialist to a white asian like myself. Just cos i had a better tan than him and im from up north he obviously was massively jealous about that. he should be too cos my tan is pretty awesome!! so yeah discriminated against straight away how flaming rude. So i make through to customs about ten years later - literally the longest queue i ever saw!! and he checks my passport stamps it and on i go and i get excited when my passport gets a stamp it never wears thin, so i check it asap and realise it just says 'Entered Australia 18th Jan 2013' no mention of my work travel visa. Oh Fook with a big F. So then i anxiously get out all my visa documents out and have to read them all (potentially for the first time) and about 3 pages in i get to the bit where it says the visas electronic and does not go inside your passport it is just linked to the passport number so the goverment know im in but my passport gives nowt away. I swear its like bloody china here. very secretive dont you think?

so im happy that I have visa again and off i get to get the sky bus to southern cross station, this is when i realise s*** Australia is Expensive man! the bus one way is like $17 thats like OVER 11english pounds to get a bus 10 mins down the road, its the equivilent of getting the bus from the top of sheilds road and into town. oh my god. cheeky mares. so on i get and totally ignore the sign that says backpacks on the top hard suitcases on the bottom, as im not being funny like but my fricking backpack is currently at this point in my story weighing 18kgs thats canny heavy for a wee lass like me to be hoiking up so i said hell no and put it on the bottom like a proper girl. from southern cross im meant to get a tram or a train but i cant figure it out and it appears i need to have a card called myki to travel so instead i get myself a yellow cab and pretend im a new yorker for the day. big mistake. this taxi driver was flipping mental. the first austrlaian to speak to me in melbourne and of course i get the nut job one, this is all down to my genetics so thanks mam!!! hes banging on the whole journey (which was way longer than the sky bus i might add - *disclaimer* it might have just felt longer as i wanted to get out the whole time) about how hes been fined by the government a million times for illegally taxi-ing and driving to fast on a day when the kids werent even at school etc etc going on about politics and how he knows the freemasons and he can get the judges told blah blah blah he was getting so into his sad little stories that he kept jumping up and down and was going purple the whole time. like he was 3 seconds away from having a heart attack all the time. luckily for me he didnt tho and i made it to my destination which was Kierans office so he could let me into his flat! obviously when i got out the taxi and tried to ring him my phone decided i had no network so wouldnt work at all which was just great so i spent a good 10 mins trying to figure my phone settings out and eventually i had a phone again!! so out he came with his key, he lives like a 5 min walk from his work which was pretty good since im quite lazy. so i went there dumped me bags and janine came to meet me so we could go collect my package and go for some lunch!

obviously Kieran has issues with numbers tho and told me he lived at 454 when it was 545 so Janine ended up at the wrong house clearly, so i went n met her down the road anyways. and we went on a big adventure to the post office which she wasnt really sure where it was but luckily she got us there in the end!! i was so happy to see my clothes package a small tear almost came out - happy days indeed. we then went for some lunch to some yard that i keep forgetting the name of, she treated me as an arrival gift so i was pretty happy!! we are true brits and got fish n chips and cider!! sitting outside right on the river aw it was certainly a good way to start my life here!! so 2 ciders down and janine needs to go to work and i need to go back to kierans to meet him after work, obviously were both quite drunken oops. Me n Kieran then decide since its Friday we should go to the pub for $5 beers n ciders. so off we trot to his local, its a lush hot beer garden its brilliant. we end up going to chapel street and meeting his mate Tommo there for a few more beers n ciders and some cheap pizzas. Canny good night!! One bar we went into me and Tommo got some lovely cheap cider, it was so rank it tasted like dogs wee! i point blank refused to drink it, it was that bad seriously! so he tried to take his back but they were having none of it, saying it was their best seller - bulls***!! so minging!!

The next day after all the drink the night before we sleep in quite a bit oops as we are off to the Australian Tennis Open how exciting, so off we trot getting trams n stuff. we get in and look for Tommo hes in the queue for the heineken area which is massive, and tonight in there there is a mystery band on at 6pm. we quit the queue and instead head off in search of some tennis action, it was quite exciting, i well got in to it. it was totally boiling though so it was hard sitting watching the tennis all that time in the heat so we had to go get some beer of course!! so all day we ended up watching the odd bit of tennis, drinking alot of beer, catching the sunshine (getting burnt) we met up with some of Kees mates from liverpool, france and ireland of course they'd all sneaked into the open under a fence or something haha, we all end up back at theirs after the tennis for some beers and music. They live in a proper lush city pad its amazing a nice balcony all open place its huge!!! All day at the tennis everyone had these heineken hats which i really wanted. Founds had one of course so on my way out of his house i robbed it haha canny trust the geordies!!!

The next day we sleep in crazy time, probs because of the sunstroke from the day before... we go into the city so i can get a australian sim card and some dim sum in chinatown mmm i love chinese dumplings totally amazing!! we then went to fed square to watch more tennis action as they have big screens there so i was happy with that sitting in the glorious sunshine. Until of course a massive bird s*** on me arm. i swear to bloody buddha how can one girl get s*** on by birds and geckos so much? its mental indeed! shame on them!! we then went off to st kilda beach for a bit chill out its a nice beach loadsa bars n shops round but very windy! there is also a scary theme park there called luna park which looks very dangerous... haha like south shields fair! The best thing about Luna Park is the proper radge staff who work on the rollarcoaster, they stand up throughout the whole ride and its canny big rollarcoaster to be fair and does not look safe or fun, i would not think that standing up working on there is the safest job, apparently he basically is driving it? mental but amazing to see. I might see if its on you tube yet if not im gonna put a clip on there so yous can see what i mean!!

The next day me, Janine and her lovely scottish friend Robyn went to the Beach, we went to Port Melbourne beach which is lovely, way nicer than St Kilda, its more upper class for sure. It was a lush day and the beach had about 5 other people on it seriously it was so weird going to the beach on a hot day and it not being rammed! so lovely, we all had a wee bit nap time as obviously going to the beach is very hard work, we went for some tasty lunch too where i had chips and aioli which is posh for mayo here apparently? although i thought it meant garlic mayo?! anyways it was canny good cos i do love chips and mam they were propa chips you would have been happy with them for sure!!

Anyways to get myself a job thing, i needed to get me CV/Resume all fixed up... i mean i had to make one from scratch cos i didnt have one doh! obviously i should have done one before i came out here but at home before i quit the UK i was very busy building me flexi up, socialising, having leaving parties, lunches and drinks here there n everywhere (even in washington) and when I wasnt doing all of thati was either sleeping/keeping warm or being a ebay w**** and selling everything i owned - except my designer shoes of course!! So yeah i went to the Library one day as they have free computers for an hour a go to get cracking on that and then soon realised they didnt even have word installed on them, although that is a slight lie... it had word viewer which means no new blank docs and no editing so useless really unless you already have your cv completed on your USB - very awkward for my cv! so i had to create on one word pad then paste it into my emails but since i had to start from scratch it took me forever since i hadnt bloody wrote a cv since the days when i was trying to get a job in first sport in the galleries on a saturday. OOPLA! So obviously that was a wee fail on my behalf. Lucky for me the canniest Scottish person i know apart from me Uncle George of course Jamie sent me his CV which was pretty impressively goodm in fact it was so good i gave him the job... na it was so good i didnt understand a word of it which made me think it must have cost him a bomb for that theasaurus which is mad as he's Scottish!! So anyways i found a internet cafe that did word on their computers so i sorted itout good n proper one hour there n then printed a ton off and saved it on 2 USBs as i dont trust computers n technology n stuff like that. So once id fixed the CV saga i got on the flat hunt, as i was currently living with Kieran bless him but i felt a bit harsh staying there too long for free, although i did treat him to a parma thing one day what a lucky guy!! So i went on gumtree obsessively looking for flats i could afford in a decent area for a good few days then i eventually got a flat viewing... $220 per week bills, gym and wifi included and it was in the city, sounds good so far.. so i goto the flat viewing, i realise its on stripper alley/street (king st) right next to all the seedy mens bars where signs outside actually say 'scenes that may cause offense happen inside' or something ridiculous like that. So i get there anyways and its a mass gathering outside for a huge open viewing - gutter. it turns out theres 2 single rooms and 1 double going so its dual viewing in2 seperate flats so the singles head on up first. there is 11 of us how annoying so i make a huge efford with the nice lady who is showing us around so then i look the best over everyone so i win of course, except we get in the flat and its a proper manky horrible, dirty mess. AND there isnt even a living room it makes no sense... its like a corridor with doors and then a teeny kitchen with one cupboard n a fridge and sink and oven and nothing else, so someone asks...'so theres like no living area?' hell no there isnt its very horrible. so we look in one of the single rooms the other is locked so we cant see it but its 'exactly the same' i hope not cos it was one digusting room some major tramp has been squatting in there for sure and i mean that maybe in both ways to be honest... then we find out there washer n dryer live in the other flat own a diff floor but its ours to share too. haha as if. so all 11 of us make a sharp exit and do a runner as far away as possible literally not one person wanted to stay to speak to her regarding taking these rooms which i think never happens here cos everyone is desperate!! i met a nice american girl there tho who was lovely she was like 'do you wanna be my roomie its so much cheaper and you seem fine' hell no sister i want me own room! bless her she'd broke up with her bf and found her self homeless bad times!

I then did find another flat on gumtree, 1 bed in southbank near tram and shops and city $210 per week happy days so i text away and she only wants someone for 6 months but so far only men have contacted her so she says she'll give it a day or two and if no other girls are interested i can view and move in as 2/3 months is better for her than no one! smart girl. so a few hours later she rings and says i can come for a viewing asap and if i like it i can move in immediately yey happy days. which of course is where i live now cos its amazing, i have a free gym, a double bed a wardrobe! its lush and from my bedroom window or from the living room i get the sunset views every night of the week its beautiful! 10 mins walk to the city its brilliant indeed i love it. Although there isnt a TV which means no watching Neighbours in Oz which is mental a wee bit but nevermind!!

So one thursday its meant to be the hottest day ever or something mad like that so Tommo organsised for us to go round to his for a BBQ yey!! my first aussie BBQ this is very exciting!! so me n Kieran went n met him in his local coles for some bbq food, lamb burgers, normal burgers (no horse) and chicken. The sausages are weird here they are like beef or chicken but not pork! shame on you australia! it doesnt evemn make sense to me why they wouldnt do them but apparently they dont in coles anyways. So Tommo apparently lives in the Jewish Quarter which i didnt even realise existed and let me tell you guys its waaaay posher than bensham! in Coles i noticed they had some Kosher aisles. How exciting id never seen one of them before, im hoping eventually in the world they will have Harry Potter aisles in supermarkets for us who believe in him as its basically the same... and they would just sell food for harry potter lovers in these sections. Anyhoo... so we pick up a few beers n head back to Tommos collecting their mate Sarah on the way as she is coming too, Tommo lives in the best house ever its like a proper luxury house. he lives there with his one housemate so its pretty sweet for him, he was a BBQ master so i was a happy girl that night i love bbqs!!! Well this is my first week in Oz blogged, next time i will tell all about Australia Day etc... love to all xxxxxxx