Ok so here is the story of my farmer lifestyle, I work some crazy hours where I start between 5-7am in the morning and finish around 10-10.30 then I start back again in the afternoon at 1.30 until around 6-7pm. Im getting over 40 hours a week, usually the boys work 11 days on a 3 days off but mine is going to be different I think although I will be working until Friday this week which will be 12 days on then Im getting this weekend off but not sure if I'm off until Monday or Tuesday. But either way I'm happy the more hours I work the more cash I get! Im working on a dairy farm, my role is to take the cups off the cows when they have been milked on the rotary, you have to check the cups to make sure the cows have finished milking, if they haven't then I have to chain them in the machine so they go round again, its basically a merry go round for cows. They love it on there. I also have to spray all the cow boobs when I take the cups off to stop any infections, I also am treating the cows with mastitis so I am basically be a cow vet, which is definitely something I will be putting on my CV. When they have mastitis I have to inject their infected cow boob, its not nice and obviously they don't appreciate it so its hard to do without being kicked. I also have to make sure all the naughty little cows get off the rotary and move on down the track to head back to their paddock. On the rotary the cows are above me on the machine so when I have to shout at them to get off if they don't come off straightaway I have to run up some steps to scream and hit them with a stick.

Cows are literally the most stupid animals ever. It's a bold statement but it's very true they are so stupid and also really slow. It's like they all have learning difficulties. I spend my days staring at cows bums all day long. Cupping off is where you basically get s*** on continuously like all over. Also you get weed on a lot too. I prefer to be pooed on over wee as the wee absolutely stinks, and the cow s*** stench is something that I am totally used to smelling all of the time as the whole farm stinks of it. So the poo isn't much of an issue for me. I'd been at work 5 whole mins on my first day and I got cow poo in my mouth. They flick their s*** everywhere, its totally minging really but it doesn't really bother me. I get it all over my hands, face and clothes. I wear luminous orange waterproofs for work, they aren't so orange now though as they are properly covered in poo. Its funny though when I'm standing doing the cupping off everything is speeded up and fast and I just run around like a banshee and screaming at the cows to get off! On my first day Vincent told me that I would need to hit the cows with sticks to make them move sometimes, and I was like 'oh no don't think I'll be doing that' but then 2 days in I was going crazy with the stick, they are too slow they totally frustrate me! Depending on what time I go in to work depends on whether I get the cows in or not, when I get them in I go off in hunt of a paddock to get them out on the quad bike it's quite cool. But I'm never sure if I'm getting the right cows in or if I'm in the right paddock . One day I went down to a paddock and there were no cows in there so I was proper panicked like where are they? Then some other cows started coming out of another paddock so I took them up instead but there was hardly any cows there so when I got back I told a man who works their Colin that they weren't in the paddock but others had came instead but not enough so he went and checked it for me, I think he thought I was a bit dim! But then he came back and the cows had went missing for real! He said it was like someone had picked up 150 cows and moved them by magic haha.

The farm is good fun and I woke with some lovely guys. I already lived with Sam and Vincent in the hostel (they got me the job basically) and then Teg started same day as me and he lives in the hostel too. Then there is Colin and Gary who are both proper farmers from Devon - they emigrated to Australia to work on the farm here for a better life which I believe they def have here they are all lovely guys and they well look after me as I am of course their token girl which is nice and the farmer who owns the place is Miles he seems nice guy but he did go completely radge at Teg in his first week as he forgot to put the seed thing on to feed the cows but to be fair he had never been told to do it or even knew anything about it, I think Miles just assumed he was psychic maybe but either way if the cows don't get fed properly they don't produce enough milk so I see his point for him kicking off as basically milk is money in his case. The cows produce minimum of 11000 litres of milk a day which is mental and he sells for 50cents a litre apparently.

It is a huge farm though with a lot of paddocks, I have to go and get the cows in on a quad bike, when I first started on day 1 Miles got me on the quad, showed me how to use it and demanded I follow him to get the cows so off I went, it was but overwhelming but its fun getting to play on quadbikes and be getting paid for it. Some of the paddocks are miles away from the farm and you have to sometimes do 2 road crossings to get the cows across into the farm, which is a bit stressful as you have to be behind them to make them move and if you don't have help with the road crossing (often someone will come down to help with the crossing but If theyre too busy at the farm it's a solo job) and if you are behind them crossing the road solo you often lose some down the road so when you finally make it to the road yourself you have to go after a few cos if one goes its inevitable that another will follow etc and it goes on. They are very naughty and stupid as I said. Its good crack though and I spend most of my days screaming at cows like a absolute nutcase but it has to be done. Vincent screams at them in French so we don't know what he calls them but I don't think its nice. I often sing songs to the cows when I'm getting them in which is nice haha I think this job has started making me mental. Sometimes its sing songs or just go full on crazy so I think singing is nicer.

The quad bike at work is proper wrecked though and last week I was saved about 3 times after breaking down, the first day I broke down it was a funny old time, I had been getting the cows from miles away and got them all sorted and we were on our way to the farm on the race when suddenly they all started going in to a different paddock that was open accidentally, earlier in the morning that day there had been a massive electrical storm so loadsa the gates had been opened in the winds I think (some of the gates are proper metal gates but some are just a piece of string - oh dear) Lucky for me Vincent happened to be in the paddock where they started going instead of the right was so he started chasing them on the tractor, then we got them out and then cows started going into like 3 other paddocks so we had 250 cows going in 5 directions which was a massive disaster, so then Sam turned up to help on his tractor. Then just when we were on target in getting them in my quad broke down so then Vince had to get them sorted alone while Sam towed me back!! Another day I broke down when I was getting the cows from one paddock where there is 2 road crossings so I had done one road and then I broke down straight away and I was miles away from the farm and then I realised I'd forgot my phone - double disaster!! So I tried my best to get the cows on to the race heading to the next road crossing but some of them were hiding in a big pool of water that I couldn't get to so I left one behind for definite as it was being very naughty and silly and I decided I didn't have the time so I locked him behind me and started heading down the race on foot, it was a boiling day too and I had a million layers on and it was very far so between screaming at the cows to move and hitting them I was sweating so I started taking my layers off one by one, I always wear overalls as I get pooed on and I wear a hat as I don't want poo in my hair so I took them off to take off my jumpers then put my overalls back on. Meanwhile we have some bulls in with the cows - obviously to make baby cows! One of them is massive and scary as hell, on the way back to the next road crossing there is other rival farm bulls chilling out and this mad bull started trying to fight these bulls across the electric fences!! I was proper s***ting my self as I now had to walk past this mental act of bullery. So I was strolling past the cows trying to get to the road as quick as I could so I could be rescued as walking the cows down would take longer than getting help first so I got past this evil bull by putting myself with a cow inbetween me and him haha. It worked anyways I was absolutely s***tingmyself though as if that bull had went for me I would have had no where to go apart from an electric fence!! So I finally made it to the road and Colin and Gary had turned up to save me as they were wondering where I was. So Colin went with the tractor to get the cows and I went with Gary to get my tow home, I had to drive the Ute that day which made me feel the most Australian I have ever felt in my life haha, fancy me driving the Ute! We also discovered I had left not one but two cows behind originally too oops! Oh well! We got them too haha.

The Quad is now so broken I have been coming into work later on in the afternoon as one of the boys has been getting the cows in on the tractor and sometimes I help with the road crossing in the farm Ford Falcon or I get dropped off so far and walk them back the rest of the way its very fun and entertaining either way. I feel well lucky to be working where I do as its such beautiful views everywhere, and its lovely to be working outside and not being stuck in an office. Totally why I came to Australia to do things I would never get to do in the UK so I think I'm well making the most of it. Its nice knowing I can actually work with animals too, but its mainly nice knowing I couldn't be more out of my comfort zone on paper but I'm well comfortable in reality. This country has completely chilled me out big style, I think I was chilled already but I'm really enjoying life and appreciating everything these days. Although I think doing regional work is a bit s*** on the governments behalf it is actually fun to be honest - so far anyways and its certainly a good experience.

On the Farm there is no toilets as obviously its ok for boys to wee in fields anywhere but not so easy if you are girl, the other day I was helping Teg do a road crossing with the cows in the Falcon (which is so big I cant really reach the pedals so I think I must look like a real miget when I drive it) and I was bursting for a wee so I thought well after I lock the gates behind him I can have a wee in the bushes so I got Teg n the cows through the gates and I found a nice tree area so I couldn't be seen if a car drove past and also made sure Teg couldn't see me if he looked behind and started having a wee, then I realised mid wee that a bull had managed to open the other gates so was now in the middle of the road, it also appeared to be the crazy bull so I went on after it to try to open the other gates to let it in there but it ran off down the road so I got in the falcon and went after it, it then ran down some mad country lane I could get down, I then figured it wasn't one of our bulls (I don't think) so I decided to head back and hope it would join our other cows on their way back to the farm. I think it did…?

All the machines weren't working that day at work too so I had a lot of waiting around, as I get paid hourly I wasn't to bothered and there wasn't anything I could do anyways so I was just enjoying the view. Sam was then milking the fresh cows which I think means they've just given birth and one of them had a massive bit of afterbirth hanging out, when this happens its like the length of the tail and its long and thin and usually like purpley brown I suppose it depends when they popped their calf out though. This one was bright red and orange anyways and it looked really weird and sick so I asked Sam and he said yeah yeah it's the afterbirth but even he said it didn't look right, then off Sam went and I was doing my spray thing and then I realised the afterbirth had fell off on the floor and I was thinking 'oh great I have to look at that all day now -lovely' and then one of the tubes from milk cups was dragging along the floor and sometime the machines have to much suction even when they are switched off and this one obviously did and it sucked up the afterbirth!! Oh my god! Haha I was pissing myself as this though as it made a horrible noise and It would have went straight to the milk machine so then I spent a lot of my day thinking about someone pouring milk on their cornflakes and that falling out. Which I realise is sick but I did explain I have went mad at work so this is highly entertaining for me haha.

I do feel I have taken to my job very well though and when the cows are ill with bad udders they get all hard and look terribly unconfortable and they need to milk loads to help, yesterday there was a cow (number 704) and her udder was all swollen and solid on one side so I was massaging her udder to help her milk and I sent her round the machine again and then massaged her more and when she finally got off it was looking better already, they cows do 2 milks a day so when she came back in the after noon I did the same again and this morning when she came round on the machine she was looking way better and her udder isn't solid anymore so I am very pleased with myself as it must have been so sore bless her. She is now my official favourite cow. I love the baby calves too but I have nothing to do with them unfortunately although Vince says that's lucky for me as they are even stupider and need to be taught to eat and everything! But I do go over and see them when I can as they are adorable. They were scared of me but now they come over to the edge of their pen so I can stroke them! On my first day in the farm one died in the morning and they lay it out in front of the pen so the other calves could see it which I think is traumatising for them and evil then Teg told me that its eyes were picked out by birds. Oh deary. It was there for days too. Bad times. Life on the farm is tough sometimes. I see amazing animals everyday at work we have cute ducks everywhere, emus in the paddocks, Kangaroos in the bushes, we have Buster the very clever cow dog who helps get the cows in for you and the green parrots everywhere. So its nice to be within the nature!!

Anyways I think that is basically all about the farm so far! Im sure more updates will be on route soon. Love n hugs xxxxxxxxx