Well hello friends, it's been about 3 weeks since the last blog so I think another one is a bit overdue. A few changes have happened in that time. I just want to start by saying a thank you to someone who left a comment on my last blog. It was a very special message and quite a deep one too, the problem was that it was left by an anonymous person. I spent about a week trying to figure out who this person could be, but no luck. So if you are reading this blog then I would love to know who you are please, I really would like to know but thank you anyway.

So just after the last blog I decided that i was a bit bored as Megs was now at the music festival and I needed to find some new things to keep me interested. I had not worn a sock or trainer on my right foot for 8 weeks because of swelling and also reaching down was to hard because of weak and tightened muscles. I was sat there and thought....''today is the day''. So I found my biggest sock possible and sat on the floor. Now if you can imagine a knee that's kind of locked in a straight position and your muscles are all really tight and you can't lift your foot up because it's lost the ability too, I'm sure you can appreciate that putting a sock on was going to be a bit of a challenge. Well 15 minutes later I got that bad boy on and sat back up on the chair and wiggled my pinkys inside a nice soft sock, oh man that felt sweet. I have a lot of nerve damage around the right side of my foot going all the way up my leg so wearing a sock feels a bit different to what it use to. I couldn't stop there though could I, I went and found my oldest, baggiest and probably smelliest trainer I had. I untied all the laces for maximum space and again it took me a little while to squeeze my foot in. It popped in and I thought my leg was normal all of a sudden and tried standing up, wibble wobble comes to mind. I sat back down and put my knee brace back on and started crutching my way around the garden. Wow, what a feeling. It's crazy to think how happy a sock and smelly trainer can make you feel. I have mentioned before about my drop foot but never gone into detail about it. The 2 muscles that lift your foot up and help bend your toes up got damaged in the crash, they had to chop them away so after the operation I was left with drop foot. It's very annoying as it's like you can feel your body wanting to lift your foot up but the muscles don't react. Same with the toes, I can wiggle them downwards but not up. It really is a pain in the bum. So when I walk I have to lift my hip up a bit higher so I don't drag my toes along the floor. Most people walk with the heal hitting the floor first, people with drop foot have to almost whip their foot out and slap the foot down with the toes landing first. It's so annoying when you walk along and don't lift your leg high enough the smash your big toe on the floor or scrape it along the ground. Out of all my injuries, this will annoy me the most. They have given me a type of support which helps foot drop. It's an ankle support which gets attached to your trainer and it lifts the front of your foot up as you walk, giving you a more normal foot shape. Problem is it digs right in to my shin so I can't wear it for long at all. So as I had my trainer on and my knee brace on, my step dad decided to tie my shoe lace to my knee brace as a temporary foot up support....well it kind of worked. There are a couple of pictures of that day on Facebook for those who are on there. Was my proudest day since the crash as I took my first steps without crutches. Only a couple as my knee has no support from ligaments yet. I felt like a new man. The rest of the weekend was filled up with activities that reminded me of normal things I would do before the crash happened. I was invited to a BBQ by my parents neighbours then I went to the cinema with my boys. Next day we all went for lunch and just sat in the sun for a few hours. Felt so great to be out in the public again. When I got home after that lunch I started missing Megs, I had seen her everyday since the crash and all of a sudden she isn't around so it was a bit lonely at home. I had to get outside so I got my crutches and walked around outside for an hour. I sat on the wall and watched the clouds go by so peacefully and slowly. It reminded me of how my journey will go. It will start as a big dark cloud, slowly moving along but breaking up into smaller clouds and eventually going out of sight. The way I seen it was that my leg might be a big issue now but I know the problems will eventually start getting smaller and smaller then finally disappear. I sat for a while again just listening to the birds and soaking up some air. To get back up to my house I have a choice of up the stairs or power it up the grass bank. I know it's not the wisest choice but I choose the bank everytime. It's like a hill sprint for me, just on crutches. It's a good upper body work out so I'm all up for that. When I reach the top it's like a rocky moment, just without the muscles. The following day I went and spent time with my instructor Chris. His son asked me if I would be his Godfather a few weeks ago and I couldn't say no to him. So I'm now a godfather to Harry, a thirteen year old rat bag who could beat me up quite easy. Takes after his dad I think. Proud moment though and I'm honoured to be asked. I love that family and they have looked after me since day 1. Ohhh, and Chris's partner makes the best cakes....full stop!!! she is always feeding me up with homemade flapjacks or chocolate brownies, I can't say no, not to that face or those brownies!! Love you guys.

So it was the start of a new week and Megs is finally home from her festival. Great to have her back and get some cuddle battles going on. I went back to Frenchay to see the lower limb specialist. I met up with a good friend Holly before hand to have a catch up and see how she is doing, nice to see you again and keep up the good uni work. I finally got to see an orthopaedic surgeon after 9 weeks. He had a good play around with my leg and said he wanted me in for ligament reconstruction sooner rather than later as I was healing well and he doesn't see the point in waiting. I also don't see the point in waiting as the sooner I'm back to a stage when I can be active again, the better. They booked me in for an MRI (this Friday) and said they would see me in 6 weeks. I left there feeling very good and full of answers. They also said weight bearing is ok to do as long as I'm sensible with it, "what's sensible" was my thought. If it hurts, I stop, that's the way I look at it. They told me to start physio on my leg muscles as I'm very weak on that side now. So I have been at the physio and boy it's tough going. They have all been amazed with what the surgeons have done and the fact I'm able to even move my leg. They had a look at my operation pictures and before you know it they were going round the room with everyone making the same reaction...it's normally something like "oh my god" or if your Greg "get outta my face....noooooooooo". It's a reminder of how lucky I am to have a leg. I will be putting a couple of the operation pictures up on the blog but BE WARNED, they are NOT for the faint hearted. I will put them on a link but please don't click on it if you don't want to see them, they ain't pretty but do show the damage that was done so you can get a better picture of my injuries.

The next weekend was packed full, from a concert with a Irish folk singer, a meal with the boys from training, a 50th birthday party, red arrows doing a show over my house while I was just stood in my White boxers and a meal with Megans family for another birthday and fathers day. Let's just say I ate very well that weekend. Megans uncle was involved in a bike accident when he was younger and it was good to talk to someone who had been through the whole process. By this time my leg was a bit sore from the busy weekend and I was grateful for the rest that night. I have been off all tablets now for 2 weeks. I have felt the benefits for this but still get a lot of shooting nerve pain up and down the leg and into the foot. I much rather have a bit of pain and not fill my body with tablets than to not feel anything and do more damage inside. I'm starting to feel more like my normal self now but I'm also starting to get quite annoyed with not being able to do the things I used to do. I wish I could just go training and have a good scrap with the lads, I wish I could just put on my gi and go have a roll around with Paul and the guys. I want to just get on my push bike and go for a ride with Megs, I just miss being active. One day soon though I know I will be doing something. I'm to driven not to do any sport. I think I will even take up golf again. I have also had problems sleeping due to the leg brace and foot cast I have to wear. It's hard because I like to sleep on my side and the brace bangs against my other leg. It makes my leg start sweating too, I wake up in a strop and remove it, then wake up again because my leg hurts, so I put the brace back on. It's been getting to me so I've looked into different types of braces I could sleep more comfortably in. I have also tried my own brand of brace too. They don't work so well sometimes though.

I know I say thank you to these guys in every blog but I want to thank Mum my secetary, Andy (stepdad) my chauffeur and technical ears and I want to thank Meggy...my everything, my foot and back rub girl, my cuddle partner and just all round cool chick. You guys make my day to day living a lot easier. I know I don't show it and sometimes I can seem quite annoyed or frustrated, it's like I said earlier, I just want to get back to normal life but I can't, so I'm frustrated and angry at that and not you guys. I love you all. Thanks to everyone else who makes the effort to see me and drive me places (George my other taxi man). It means a lot to me. While I was sitting out on the wall the other day catching some much needed sun rays, the cats came up to me and jumped up onto me and you could just see they have unconditional love for you and it had me thinking again. If cats can love you like that, why can't we all love each other like that (not licking each others ears and stuff). So many people argue, fight and get angry over the smallest things and it's not healthy or clever. I find im more happy when I'm loving someone or a group of people than I am when im angry at someone who cut me up on the road, someone that bumped into me in a bar, someone that didn't say thank you or just getting angry because it suits the face you own. I am learning that anger is just waisted energy and waisted time. I could be angry at the guy that hit me off the bike but I could also just forget about him and put that energy into healing. I have so many different feeling going on since the crash and I can't help but let some of them come out. I know I bottle some of them up inside but I also know they are the ones that are just waisted energy. Yes, i'm going to get a bit bored of being sat around, yes I will get a bit angry and frustrated that I can't do my normal activites but I know the clouds will pass one day and the sun will shine on my life once again. Have you got clouds covering you? Well just remember the sun still shines behind them and they will pass.

I will put the pics up of the operation and find a way that you can't see them until you click on the link. Like I said though, they are graphic and pretty brutal so do not look if you have a sensative stomach, you will also understand that these blogs are not me just over acting the whole situation.

Thanks for still reading these. I hope people can relate to them in their own way. Love to you all and be safe and keep smiling.

Stu x

ps. This is the link to the operation pictures. Please DO NOT OPEN it if you are squimish or do not like gory pictures. you have been WARNED, these pictures are VERY GRAPHIC www.photobucket.com/stujothamcrash