Hello again, 

What's new? I hear you ask! 

We don't work for Aussie Farmers anymore! That's what! Me and Mo spent out last few days door knocking, texting each other about how s*** the job was. Then we'd ring each other up and share a very expressive, verbal conversation about how s*** the job was, again. We'd then find other things to amuse ourselves with whilst on turf... Keeping each other up to date with any new findings, or strange people who had answered the door. 

I ended up going for a mushroom hunt around turf, just for the hell of it. Don't worry parents, I wasn't going to eat them! I just wanted to pretend I was Mario for a moment, wiping out all the shrooms on turf. Those kinda opportunities don't come round often... 

Moses got fired, for not making enough sales. Pretty harsh, when the areas we were knocking in, were holiday homes?! w***ers. 

After Moses had left, things just weren't the same (depressing violin music starts to play). My heart felt empty and cold, as I stepped on to the bus. I glanced down at his rugged, silver cool bag, with his name, scribbled on a torn piece of paper. Torn... Just like my heart. 
 He was quickly replaced by a couple of Irish nitwitts. 

They dropped me off on turf, by a small cafe.  

(Team Leader) "Go on Hev, get at least 3 today!" 

"Charlie, I tried doing that yesterday?!" 

He chuckled and drove off with the rest of the gormless travellers... That's when it struck me... "Why the duck am I doing this?"... I then listed off all the things that were wrong with the job... The list ended with - Managers are a*******s who start fights with employees after a couple of pints. I certainly had no intention of making any sales for Aussie Farmers that day. I walked over to the cafe. They were asking for people to send over their C.Vs through an email. So, I made use of the Ipad. In hope that the big bosses might be monitoring my Ipad (and the intention of getting fired on the spot), I decided to rinse the WiFi, send off a couple of C.Vs and job hunt on Gumtree. 

I must've sat their for a good hour or two just sending off C.Vs and texting Moses (who was at home, watching 'Adventure Time' with the other unemployed b*****s)... Until I received a phone call from Charlie asking if my 'I-KNOCK' was working. I-Knock is an app which tracks which houses you've been to, and if you've logged in any sales. They turn green if you've visited them, and turn blue if you've made a sale. My I-KNOCK chart was grey. Grey as f***.  

I think Charlie knew that I was sitting down applying for jobs... The little blue blob which was tracking my Ipad hadn't moved an inch. 

They were actually filming 'Home & Away' on my turf which was pretty interesting. As it happens the one sale I actually made that day was with an awesome South African family. They were telling me the best places to visit in South Africa. So I chilled out there until I was picked up. 

Didn't go back in the next day, for the simple reason; It's a s*** job, s*** pay, and to make things a little more s***ty, they'd changed the pay scheme. Your base is $275 (f*** all), and you don't receive your commission until your customer has received their delivery (which could be within the next couple of months). I'm left with peanuts after paying rent, which gets you nowhere. 

Aussie Farmers is basically a suction pit for any naive travelers, who can speak English. Just existing. Not living... Existing. What a bunch of fools!

 Ahh, anyway that's boring. On to more exciting matters... Our postbox and wall got smashed in the other day... Probably the Crackhead again... Erm, me, Amelie (the French girl) and Mo decided to build a den with the sofas & duvets, and watched 20 episodes of Adventure Time... For those of you who don't know what 'Adventure Time' is... It's basically the most messed up cartoon ever created, which revolves around a yellow dog (who can turn into anything) and 'Fin' the Human. It's not created for children. It's mainly for the use of stoners, and the unemployed. Just watch one episode, you'll get the picture... 

(We all spend way too much time trying to speak like the 'Lumpy Space Princess')

 Alex (the lovely bearded man travelling around in a camper van - I should be a rapper), has kindly let me paint the inside of his van. Which is friggin awesome. I've completely finished it now! There's a story, which unravels throughout the tapestry... It's the most mental thing I've ever painted. Parents, I totally understand if you disown me after having a butch at the painting. 

We've been to a few parties and chilled out with old Aussie Farmer chums. We visited our lovely Canadian couple (Dave & Morgs) for some birthday drinks and giggles. They put up a feast of gourmet breads and dips (which were all out-foocking-standing). BRAVO! With the scraps of money we have left, we seem to be doing okay... We've been given loafs of bread and noodles, so we'll survive a little longer. 

Other ways of scrounging for food consist of going to the market whilst it's closing, and dumpster diving... Which is exactly what a group of chums did before heading over for a cuppa tea... Never seen anything like it. They had box loads of veggies that were just gunna get thrown out! So we've been eating broccoli and zucchinis (courgettes...) for the past week. I also cooked a huge veggie curry for everyone, and brought it to a party in Foortcray... Where we celebrated 'Shoku's' (crazy Japanese lass) 26th birthday.

I'll interrupt this blog for a second. Someone in the library has just coughed... Snotty cough. Oh my God. I think I'm gunna vom...

Anyway... We've got bag fulls of chillies in the freezer, and a couple of other bits left over, like mushrooms, more zucchinis and possibly the most f***ed up vegetable I've ever seen in my life. If Gothmog gave birth to a zucchini, that's exactly what this piece of veg looked like... It tasted foul as well. Like a ridiculously bitter pepper. YUCK! Lesson learned: Judge a Book by it's cover - If it's ugly, don't put it in your mouth. 

I've found myself a job at a Barista Cafe in the city... Washing dishes, taking food, coffees out and taking orders... The exact same job I was doing 8years ago at Carrat's Cafe. I've moved up in the world hey? I start at 7am, which means I leave around 6.15am, which also means, I wake up around 5am. What a disgusting time to be up. Because I'm a clever bird... I got up an hour earlier than I needed to be. My phone ran out of battery when I woke up, so I naturally assumed I was late. I looked at my Kindle which is set to English time... My brain didn't work... So I ran to the station. Panting, I looked up at the clock for my train, 5.40. 

YOU'RE HAVING A f***ING BUBBLE.  

I did a 'Jim Carrey - Bruce Almighty' walk off... Dragging my coat, with my head looking up, as if to thank the big guy upstairs. 

It's my Birthday on Wednesday... Wooh 21.

 I've also been introduced to 'Game of Thrones' by the guys... t***. 

Quote of the Day
  
Table moves... 

Me: "Is that a baby elephant?"