Q) How do you sleep through loud, Swedish w**** sex at 3am? 
A) You don't. 

Some nasty ass Swedish, brunette, wannabe hooker got brought back to our room by the Aussie gentleman sleeping opposite me. 

At the time I was sleeping with my back to them, facing the wall... After a rustle and flop, I started hearing giggling, Swedish talk and then... Yes you guessed it, the moans. I don't wanna get too graphic, but my word! This lass was sure having a good time, and she certainly didn't give a f*** who else could hear... (well actually, eherh, she did give a f***, because that's precisely what was happening). What do you do in that situation? It carried on for what seemed like hours... And what made it worse, is that I had a cramp, evolving in my leg (which seriously needed a shake). If they knew I was awake, listening, they'd think I was some pervert? 

I stuck it out like a champ, frozen, facing the wall, as limp as a bone fish. Waited for the silence. I heard the door open, and assumed they both had left the room. Moses was squeeking in the bunk above me. I roll over... immediately grab my phone and start texting him! 

"Put a f***ing muzzle on it love"

"The guy was a f*** ninja"

"If only I had the eggs..."

"See how they bang, see how they bang." (Three blind mice rhythm)

"Bang a f***ing egg on their head"

"Should've started scoring it like gymnastics... I only gave him a 6.5 for the dismount." 

We flung some funny texts back and forth... Turns out Moses was awake through the whole fiasco too. Lucky us. Our giggles were soon interrupted by... 

"Excuse me?" 

No. Nope... Did I just hear a Swedish sex, fog horn speak to me? 
There was a body still on the bed? The Australian had left the room, and had forgotten about his fog horn hooker!! Don't answer straight away Heather... Make her beg for your help... 

"Excuse me..."

"Hmm?" 

"Could you please turn the light on, so I can find my shorts?" 

Ohhhhh! Now she wanted her shorts?! Now she was finished groaning like a possessed goat, she wanted ME to help find her shorts? Well that's just bloody splendid isn't it? Find her sticky shorts, thank you very much... 

RUDE.
 
I turned on the light, and carried on texting Moses... So many things we should've/could've said during that weird interval. 

Next morning was interesting... Turns out the other girls in our bedroom shared the same melody as we did! Ahh the joys of hostel life? 

I'm trying to type this out, but the quicker I type... The more the bed shakes. I don't think the gentleman below me, is appreciating this, at 2am. I just had a scary thought too... We're top floor of this dodgey hostel... If there's a fire, we're screwed?! 

Anyway, back to our travels. So we hit Byron Bay... It's a pretty cool place. I was hit with the immediate theory, that it was highly acceptable to wear dirty, baggy clothes and sandals for the duration of our stay. We checked out the beach, and the lighthouse which was pretty cool. Then we decided to climb some big rocks like little kids again. 

We laughed a lot that day... 

The only nearby tour that was advertised, was this Nimbin place. After speaking to a couple of people about it... We came to the conclusion, that there were going to be A LOT of dirty, stoned hippies wandering around the place. So ... We booked ourselves up a tour... I say 'tour'...

We get picked up at 10am by the most colourful bus I've ever seen. Big, chugging bus, with a rainbow, and the words 'Happy Bus' painted on the side.
Mine & Mo's 'sideways glance' made its acquaintance again... 

"What'ya think?" 

"Of course it's our bus."

A greasy, deadlock dude, wearing a top hat greets us on. We waddle up to this colourful heap of metal, and hop on. After collecting more travellers... The dude in the top hat made a joke of going straight to the pub, because he had nothing better to do... He wasn't joking, and with that, he left the bus. 
We eventually hit the road. Flew by a waterfall... Was alright. I guess they have to take you to a waterfall or forest on the way... Else they'd just be drug smuggling wouldn't they? 

We finally reached Nimbin. Colourful, hippy town GALORE. Flowers and smoke. The bus driver, turned to us all... Gave a smirk and said.. 

"Go and have your fun, get your cookies and what not, then we'll all meet up for a BBQ at 2pm."

And that was as far as the 'tour' side of things got. I must admit... A piece of me wanted to hide under one of the bus seats for safety, until the BBQ. 
We step out the bus, and we're immediately hit with a wall of those weird herbal, spicy, ''incense sticks', a smidge of body odour, and WEED. 

"Pungent isn't it?" I turned to Moses and gestured my hands, as if I were scooping up the air into my nostrils. 

Nimbin appeared to be a two sided street, with a couple of cafes dotted about. The rest looked like someone had thrown a Halloween street party, then let a 5year old kid splash a bit of paint and paper mache over the buildings. 
There were people walking up and down the street... It became very obvious to me and Moses, that 90% of these people were drug dealers... The rest were tourists/buyers. 
 
A lady who looked like she'd just finished her shift at Tulley's Farm, power walked past us... Her white hair, whisping in the wind like Pai Mei (from 'Kill Bill').
 
 "Freshly baked Marijuana cookies! Best in Nimbin!" 

Haha... They weren't even the slightest bit discreet about it. Before long they were all popping out the cracks of Nimbin... Tulley's Farm look a likes... Selling their baked goods and toadstalls. 

Over the space of an hour or so, we'd visited the 'Nimbin Museum' ... Which was basically a couple of rooms attached to a cafe, full of paper mache, skulls, newspaper cut outs... and Hippy quotes. We conversed with a couple of the locals... I say conversed... I couldn't understand half of what they were mumbling... Maybe that was due to their beards being in the way, or maybe they were just so high, that they themselves didn't know what they were saying?! 

I was kinda glad when it came to 2pm... Roll on BBQ... Escape the weirdos. The bus driver had put on a bloody good BBQ for us, as it happens! Tasty, tasty burgers. Big ones too! Not those crappy, frozen patties s***. GOURMET GRUB. 

We munched up... then hit the road, back to Byron Bay. Later that evening, Moses and I decided to unravel our foiled goods... 

We both experienced some glorious colours that evening... Fractals, old toys that we used to play with, colourful elephants, luminous giant carrots, purple water, and foily fish... 
Strange sensation. 

That was pretty much Byron Bay in a nut shell. Hippy Central. 

We're now in Sydney... And we've made a new discovery!! We're both poor. Yay! So, we need to look for jobs... 

As far as Sydney goes... It's a bit on the large side. I may have got lost, trying to look for the gym by myself... It's a big, colourful city. Lots of bars and fancy clubs! Frozen Yoghurt shacks at every street corner, people playing drums, beat boxing in the street, SHOPS, the biggest Imax Theatre in the world, Lion King Theatre and many, many Asians. 

Combine all of those things into a city, squeeze as many people in as you can, bump the prices of ordinary things up, throw in countless Starbucks & Sushi huts.. Then add a random pinch of sour smell down the occasional street, and there you have it. Sydney. 

Sydney harbour was pretty swell. The Opera House was how I imagined it... Big, white and triangular. It's a cool place, don't get me wrong... But I think you need a lot of dough, and a strong liver to really appreciate old Syders! 

We're staying in a s***hole. This Hostel is cursed with the smell of burnt cabbage and toilet chemicals. We're on the 5th floor, sharing a room with a gentleman from Hull, and a Swedish stoner. Nice guys. The Swedish guy, Lucas, made us laugh a lot the other night. Came in drunk... Gave us some hefty talk about the theory of 'There's no such thing as a Selfless Deed'... went back out, clutching the biggest joint... Came back pale, and stoned off his head... Then undertook the 'praying' position on his bed. And that's how he slept... 

The plan now... Is to get MUNNAY, MULLER, COIN, BARE PAPES... We've applied at a couple of places for farm work... The theory is; Do farm work, earn money, 3months count towards our regional, gives us the option to apply for a second year visa (we like options, we like money). Then eventually, we might find real jobs. In the meantime... We have DVDs for our limited edition, pink DVD player, free gym membership from this lovely Irishman at 'Snap Fitness'... And we're gunna hunt for boxing gloves and focus mitts, so we can hit things when we're working on a boring farm. 

We're doing fine!... I think. 

Quotes Of The Day

Moses (after us munching happy cookies) : "Heather..."

Me: "Moses, are you okay?"

Moses (in a slightly scared tone...): "I can see rainbow puddles on the ceiling"

Me speaking to some huge, Stag Beatle thing, paparazzied the b*****... 

"You're famous now."

Some absolute drug monkey in Byron Bay... 

"Do you know where the beach is?"

Moses: "Yeah, it's over there"

"I know. I've got some friends down there, having a party. Wanna come?" 

(Moses sideways glances at me) 

"Why you standing there like you're gunna clock me?" 

Moses: "I'm not..."

"You should just come anyway! Come with me now?!" 

Moses: "Yyyyeeeeaaaaah, sure! Let us just get our things"

(Run away as fast as we can)