The bikini twister: Retaining ones dignity when travelling has certainly become a full-time job. From the 'Jesus Christ, I need the loo RIGHT now' dash through the restaurant, to the 'how do I pretend this sand isn't melting my feet' unflattering trot along the beach, there are many circumstances where, try as hard as you might, it is obvious to everyone around you that something uncomfortable and unbecoming is occurring. Of all the compromising situations we have found ourselves in none have been as undignified as the bikini twister. The sea here in Kovalam is choppy to say the least and what seems like an innocent blanket of calm blue water can, in seconds, turn into a surfers dream with waves reaching 4 to 5 feet that hit you like a brick wall. After a quick blitz of sun on the beach this morning I noticed Rachel striding confidently out into the sea for a dip. Thinking to myself 'if she can brave it then I will', I made the mad 'how do I pretend this sand isn't melting my feet' dash to the water. By the time I arrived Rachel was waist deep, looking beautiful and beckoning me in. What she had no idea was approaching rapidly behind her and growing in strength and size, was the deep impact of all waves. By the time I had made her aware of the beast it was too late and she was down. And down she stayed for a good 5 seconds. What reappeared about 8 metres from her original position was not the Rachel that I knew and loved but a dishevelled, confused, spluttering and barely wearing anything shadow of her former self. In situations like these, when survival and the need for air are the only things on your mind, you forget in your blind panic that giant waves not only knock you over and out but also rape you of your bikini. As soon as Rach had regained her bearings and taken stock of the situation she quickly realised she was sporting a bikini top that had flip reversed and was now belt like around her waist and was cradling a heap of sand in her bikini bottoms between her knees. What to deal with first? In true style and grace but with a look of pure horror on her face she slipped back into the water to deal with the ultimate bikini twister.