Like, there's a biiiiig (like, that means Totally Huge) mall near here, and we could, like, NOT go there. So we, like, totally did! It was, like, totally AWESOME!

Okay, my brain is starting to melt. No more valley-speak, totally. Fine, that was, like, the last. OMG! STOP!

But we did actually go to the Opry Mills shopping center, which is right next door to the Grand Ole Opry House. The mall is laid out similar to the Great Mall in Milpitas. (For those of you not familiar with the Great Mall, it’s laid out similar to the Opry Mills mall. Okay, that wasn’t very helpful. Let me try again. It’s laid out like a racetrack. You head out walking in one direction, then a few days later, you end up where you started. The place really is big.)

Next door to the mall is Outdoor World / Bass Pro Shop. If you watch the TV show "Last Man Standing" with Tim Allen, you know the store he works in, called Outdoor Man. It’s a carbon copy of Outdoor World. This place is huge and has everything for the outdoor sports enthusiast. Now, that doesn’t mean they have sporting goods. Oh no. You won’t find kneepads for soccer or checkers for Sunday afternoons in the park. We’re talking fishing, hunting, guns, knives, camping equipment, boats, ATVs…. I can just hear Tim the Toolman grunting, “Oh, oh, oh!” By the time I got out of that store, my testosterone level had doubled. I saw a little red Smart Car in the parking lot, and I tipped it over.

Truth be told, it was a kid’s little red wagon, and I threw my back out.