Please excuse the brief radio silence.

As watchers of Facebook will know, this is partly because I have been enjoying the wonders of Balinese cuisine with increasing brevity as Bali Belly struck. I was keen to spare you the unpleasantness. That said, this little episode has not been without a few moments...

Momentarily I lost 3 kilos in two and a half days (that's six and a half pounds in old money). Obviously it was predominantly due to dehydration, so I had to time my 'run' between 'runs' out to the Minimart to stock up on mineral water. A 2 litre bottle of mineral water here can be bought for as little as 5,000 rupiah (35 to 40p).

But what's the leading brand name in
Bali? "Flow".

That gave me a brief chuckle until my stomach cramped, and like Cinderella hearing the clock begin to chime, I hoofed it back to the hotel. For the coarse amongst you, No I didn't lose a slipper like she did either.

Hopefully you can read the sign In a nearby loo which I photographed.

Whilst I've been recovering I've struggled to get far from the hotel, but staying in brought a few other experiences too.

Firstly, my fellow guests, the Aussies. The residents of Perth take over Kuta, like the Brits take over the Spanish Costas (my travel agent must have quite a sense of humour) but getting to know them has been a delight, particularly the kids, who pick up that 'can do' positivity that characterises the nation. In an eight year old, this results in a remarkably nice, self assured disposition. Splashing around the pool, you can immediately tell the kids from Down Under from the European kids. Though comparably boisterous, the Aussies are more polite to their parents and the hotel staff, they are neither overweight nor body conscious, and they understand that including all the other kids in whatever game is simply a good thing. And the parents are much more relaxed: let the kids know where the boundaries are, which are bluntly enforced and therefore utterly adhered to, and then let them get on with it. I may have been spectacularly lucky, but I'm just surprised Super-nanny doesn't come from Perth. For Aussie chums reading this: this niceness on my part does not apply to you.

Secondly, fish pedicures. Try them. Awesome. Weird but awesome.

Thirdly, the TV. I don't really watch TV, but when my loo range is stuck at around 5 metres, I've little choice and so indulged massively. A few observations:

- where did all this celeb TV come from? I though it was just magazines, like Heat, not actually broadcasting. And who are all these nobodies?
- is it me, or is Lady Gaga a freak?
- has the Daily Mail just staged a coup d'état on a TV station? Fox News seems very similar to the sloppy journalism of the Paper of Fear and Hate
- Asia is genuinely shocked by the NoTW scandal. The brand of UK Plc is genuinely taking a hit; "aren't you Brits the well-spoken, polite lot any more?", I keep getting asked.

Finally, The Beard. It's coming on, but it looks like something you'd have to pay to get removed from your lawn. The big change out here has been the gravitas it has attached to my surfing advice. I cannot surf for toffee, but if I make an authoritative statement since growing The Beard, people listen.

Aren't people weird?

Normal blogging shall resume forthwith.