By the end of this week, I was feeling fairly flustered and perplexed. I think it's important to be honest and say that sometimes being a volunteer can just be sooo confusing!!

Two major things were stressed to us during training before we came out to our placements... the first was 'be flexible', and the other was 'manage your expectations'. Well, I would now expand that to say, be as flexible as a ballerina doing a series of chasse's and brise's (basically jumps leaps and bounds) followed by the splits, and manage your expectations as carefully you would when buying and training a new puppy dog for the very first time (because let's be honest cute as they are you've really no idea what you are going to end up with!). As most volunteers have said, and many continue to say, figuring out what to do and how to do it in a brand new culture completely alien to your own can take so many months, even a year. It can even take so long that by the time you've figured it out you'll probably be on your way home again!

Every week I am reminded of how true this is. I take two steps forward, have a few positive meetings with colleagues and programme offices, find myself with a list of things to do, start working on a project or two, and the minute I take my eye off the ball to eat lunch or go and sing with the choir (hehe) when I return the whole thing has turned upside down and inside out and no longer looks like what I thought it was in the first place. And thus I take two steps back.

What I suppose I am learning is how to let go of my controlled organised-ness, and go with the flow, kind of hard for someone who loves highlighter pens, colour coded calendars and an alphabetised email inbox (!). So, in the face of written and re-written and re-written again objectives, and a whole long list of things I could do each of which depends on funding, resources, time , and even local politics, what I have now decided to do, is treat it like a dance. One where no one knows the routine yet, but where we will try to have fun learning anyway! Let's say as well, that seeing as there is no real 'teacher' around, that it's fairly freestyle - a mix of all the different types of dances that my different colleagues probably do at funerals and weddings (the biggest party celebrations or 'jams' around here) fused with my attempt at putting it all together and trying to make sense of it all!

What I am basically saying (in my very round-about way), is that since I started here my objectives have changed 4 times, and I am still in the process of figuring out exactly what my position entails. It's a word of warning to new volunteers preparing to come out in the field - use your placement outline to prepare by all means, but expect it to be as fluid as rainwater and as changeable as a chameleon once you arrive. To be honest though, in a way figuring it all out is part of the fun. I certainly wouldn't have expected to be doing some of the things I am doing, but it's a fantastic learning curve. And on the days when I am desperate to change the world and make good things happen, but am wondering how on earth to do so in such a challenging environment I just remember what my dad told me - being here is what it's all about. Right now I may not be able to see the big picture, or understand what kind of an impact I am actually having, but if at least if all I do is make someone smile, then I am definitely on the right tracks. And, well, if laughing counts then that shouldn't be too difficult. Only this morning I got some real giggles as I walked to work with my umbrella up. I can at least be confident that I do make a great source of entertainment, if nothing else! J

With love, xxx