Teaching English to kids with no clue.
First of all you need super glue.
Not the cheap stuff that wont do,
The really strong stuff you must use!

Because you cant teach them English, if they don't sit still
And believe me with super glue, sit still they will!
Now you've got them in position,
the next tricky task, to get them to listen.

For this I suggest a cattle rod,
They'll soon be silent after one long prod.
If this doesn't work, there's always a cane,
Very good for sudden pain!

So now they're still and sitting quiet,
What to do with the one that's tired?
I suggest to make him stand,
No not on his feet, on his hands.

Now the children are all attentive
Its time to teach, be inventive!
Shouting normally does the trick,
Even for the ones who are really thick!

Explain to them that they are there to learn,
Soon their brains will start to yearn.
The words you have at your finger tips,
You'll hear muttered from their eager lips.

And if they don't pick it up,
You can always make them by saying, "look!"
"you muppet, its on the board!"
"cant you read a word at all?"

by this time, you'll have their respect,
it's the least a teacher should expect.
So they'll do whatever it is you please,
Recite Shakespeare on their hands and knees!

Who cares if they cant say "hello."
Noone will ever know,
That it was you who ruined their tiny brains
And left them with nothing but sticky glue stains!

For now your travelling far and near,
Telling all who stop for long enough to hear.
How you were the greatest teacher they'd ever seen,
How the kids called you Mr Bean.

It was because they liked you, you're sure of that,
Not cos they think you're a complete dingbat!
And the kids still talk of the Foreign laoshi,
And how the super glue used to burn!

But not in English, you didn't teach them that,
They know the Chinese for stupid, dingbat!
And now they own a companies, that make flashy cars,
And your in Oz, working cheap, trucker bars!

I'd love to take credit for this amazing poem, however I can't - Robert, one of the other foreign teachers, who is placed in the south obvioulsy had to much time on his hands created this rather truthful redendition of teaching, just thought I'd share it. P.S. the pic is of him.