I was actually surprised by how much I liked Amsterdam. I assumed that I wouldn't be the biggest fan of The Dam because of the seedy reputation that everyone associates with the town. It's actually a really pretty place. There are canals everywhere and the houses are the cutest.

We arrived into Amsterdam on a Saturday night and decided on a pub crawl. Always a great idea. As it turned out, we had quite the eventful night. We met one guy on our bus and he brought along another two cool kids, so we had our super cool gang of five. We walked in the rain to the first bar from the hostel. We had to stand out in the rain, and got in trouble by the who owned the Italian restaurant next door. He was all like, "you cannot stand here!! This is my house!! You stand here you block-a my business!!" We were like yeah ok we get it cool, and he kept going! It was like relax dude.
When we got into the first bar, we got free vodka which tasted like cordial, a free drink and a free t-shirt. The free drunk was a decision out of beer, wine or jägermeister. The choice was obvious, and it had to be jäger. It came in a weird test tube shot glass - so that was different. Brendan made a new friend from Germany who was with a girl. We assumed they were a couple. We soon found out that the guy just really wanted a piece of Brendan's ass. It was funny for a little while, and then it just got creepy.
We moved along to the second bar of the night, which was my favourite. It had a lot to do with the black bar tender there who I fist pumped a lot because he was so cool!! Brendan's little mate made a move and he and the girl both asked us if we were a couple. The guy asked Brendan if we were friends with benefits and tried to grind up on him on stage, which Brendan politely refused. We couldn't work out if the girl was trying to hook Brendan and the guy up and get me out of the picture, or if she was hitting on me and the guy on Brendan, or they wanted some sort of mass orgy, but either way it was weird and they kept following us around which made it creepy. They were literally everywhere we went! Anyway, the second place had balloons. I tied three to my belt and they hit some guy in the face and I got the finger shake. So I "accidently" hit him in the face again. He got so mad. It was funny. Hater.
We soon moved to the third bar. The worst one. It was tiny and crowded and the DJ was so crap. He kept talking over the songs trying to be all cool and like sing. What if we didn't know the words Mr. DJ?? What if we didn't know the words. I stood on the couch in the VIP section at the third bar and was singing and dancing for other peoples entertainment. Then I got yelled at by the bar lady and had to get down. Then five minutes later the same bar lady asked if I wanted to do a body shot off of the other girl we were with. I was like... No. I'm ok.
We were so excited to leave the third and move into the fourth. For some reason they took us to a Latino club? I thought it was a strange choice to take a bunch of tourists too, but ok. Brendan got into trouble with a scary Latino guy because he rubbed his head while he walked past for some reason. He stopped and was like, "No!! You don't do that!!!" We were like wow. Calm your s*** mate. The bar was crowded and they played a lot of Enrique Iglesias so we were pretty happy to move along.
On our way to the fifth and final bar, Brendan noticed another pub crawler eating a kebab. They were Asian. So, Brendan casually stumbles up and says, "Is that a kebab or some sort of Asian delight?" The Asian walked away, as you would. I yelled at him and he was like, "I regretted it as soon as I said it Lisa!" It's funny now, but I actually thought he was going to get punched in the face at the time. We didn't stay at the fifth bar long, and by that time it was about 2am and we were wrecked so we headed back to the hotel. After an hour and a half of walking around the same streets again and again, some pizza and, seeing a few guys getting chased by the cops for trying to punch them, we made it back to our room.

In the morning we woke up hung over as s***. My dumb ass body decided it was going to do the imma wake up at like 7am thing rather than the imma sleep in ad wake up rested thing. Once Brendy woke up, we headed down stairs to get some breakfast. Because we were so late, they only had cereal left which is crap for hangovers. We discovered a free walking tour during breakfast and decided it would be a great idea. I have no idea how either of us decided it would be a great idea, because it was bucketing down rain. We bought a piece of s*** umbrella which made me so mad because it kept turning inside out because of the wind and it broke so I left it on the side of the street to die alone. We were soaked when we got to the starting point of the tour. Surprisingly, there were a number of other deluded tourists who wanted to do a walking tour in the pouring rain and it started with a group of about 20. It ended with about half that. The tour first headed into the red light district. We learnt that's it's family friendly during the day, which could be true because we only saw one prostitute at that time and she was sitting in the window on her tablet. Maybe it's educational, I don't know. Anyway, we wandered the streets, gut some free cheese, and ended at the Anne Frank house. By this point, our feet were soaked and we were drenched and freezing cold. Probably served us right for not having proper jackets. We had a couple of hoodies and that was about it. We had been saying from Moscow that we should buy some decent winter coats, but we just never did. I also needed better shoes so desperately, because mine were so bad that whenever I'd walk in a tiny puddle my show would be soaked. We literally ran down the street until we found shelter in a pancake place. This particular pancake-erie had expertise in breakfast lunch and diner. No that's not a typo, diner was advertised on their menu, and stuck on their window. Personally, I loved it. After our pancake we ran down the street again as an attempt to warm up. It kind of not really worked. It was so good to change when we made it back to our hotel. My small toes were so wrinkly and pruned and it was gross. We ended up having a sick 3 hour nap, which was so needed. It did, however make me feel a lot worse. I think I woke up still drunk in the morning, so after the nap I was hung over. Either way, I felt like a giant poo. Brendan on the other hand was all refreshed and on top of the world. Our plan was to go out to dinner and then hit up the red light district to check it out after dark. Woohoo. Brendan felt like pasta, so we headed towards the only Italian restaurant we knew. This is my house you cannot stand here!! Turns out there was another one a couple of doors down with a better menu, so we went there instead. Also, they didn't yell at us the night before so take that. We ended up bailing on the red light district because it was still bucketing down. Instead we went to the shopping centre underneath our hotel and buying the best juice in the world and a heap of fruit in an attempt to cleanse our bodies, even just a little bit.

We managed to wake up in time for a decent breakfast on our final day in Amsterdam. It must of been our day, because it didn't rain much either. Not like the previous day anyway. After getting so drenched the day before, I had to put on a selection of my dry clothes, which actually made me look like a six year old who had dressed themselves for the first time. We had decided the night before, while up drinking the best juice in the world, that today was the day that we would bite the bullet and buy some proper jackets and shoes! It was an exciting time for us all, and we headed into town early. Turns out there was no need because the shops don't open on a Monday until 11am, so we had a couple of hours to kill where there was nothing open but a couple of souvenir shops. That resulted in Brendan and I buying some weed paraphernalia for some reason. Most likely because we had nothing else to do. Finally when the shops opened we bought some badass jackets and were so warm and dry all day, it was like a whole new world had opened up to us. It was amazing! Congratulations to us on the safe arrival of our new jackets. We decided to celebrate by taking them for a spin to the sex museum. That was a different experience. There's a creepy figure that pops out and flashes you as you walk through the door into the museum area, so that's a lovely welcome. It was basically a collection of porn from the 1800's to the 1960's it was so odd and gross. There was also a bunch of figures and painting and stuff too, to finish off the collection. Brendan and I were so immature throughout the whole museum. There were a few old people who kept giving us looks because we were laughing and making jokes about everything. The collection finished with a room dedicated to bondage, trannies and the more voluptuous women, so we finished with a bang. ;)
After grossing ourselves out, we attempted the Anne Frank House, but the line was ridiculously long, and it had started to rain by that point, and even with our sexy jackets, we didn't want to stand in the rain for an hour. We ended up heading back to our room for a little while and headed back out a couple of hours later. We went for a wonderful outing as a couple to the red light district. The sun was beginning to set, and a lot of prostitutes were fronting their windows. I think we walked around for about an hour and a half. It was like a museum. We jumped at the chance to walk down any alleys with red lights. I even winked at one. Can put that on the resume. We went down one alley like four times by accident as saw an Asian prostitute in a glow in the dark bikini with fake boobs. Brendan "joked" about bargaining with her and getting a good price. Being the business woman that I am, I knew that it was a terrible time for haggling as we had been down there, staring at her four times within the hour, so we would come off too desperate and eager. Then she would make us believe we were getting a good price, when really, we were getting ripped off, so we didn't buy her. There were many different types there were white, black, Asian, young, old, manly looking ones and even the more curvier woman down big mama lane. No, I did not make that name up.
For some reason, we were hungry after that, so we went to get some dinner before heading back to our room for the night. We packed everything up to be ready to catch our final busabout bus in the morning to Berlin.