I wake up and inspect myself and surroundings. I still had all my fingers. My face was tattoo-less. There was no monkey, or naked Chinese man in the room. Phew.
Feeling fragile, we refuelled with breakfast before jumping in a tuk tuk to the Grand Palace. Holding back the urge to sing 'Getting to Know You', 'Shall We Dance' and other songs from The King and I, we roamed the palace and marvelled at it's beauty. It was incredible. Scenes of war and stories were etched across the palace walls on large murals, large golden deities were round every corner, and every surface of the buildings were covered in mirrored tiles, hand painted designs, and golden detail. Not a sight to be missed.
We then endured a long journey to outside of Bangkok for the famous floating markets. Along the canal, boats were selling food and goods, and we took a long boat trip down the river. Around the river, more markets and stalls sold their produce and items, people bartered and purchased, and the best thing was that it was predominately local. A real Thai market experience.
Reluctant to gorge on the street food, we had some homemade ice cream, and it was probably one of the best I'd ever had. I bought some coconut oil for hair and skin, and we wandered through the bustling markets, before heading back to the craziness that is Bangkok.
It was time for another night in the city of squalor. We avoided the scorpions, bought personalised wristbands that etched 'SICK NIGHT b****ES', and decided it was time to do the inevitable. It was time for a ping pong show.
Driven to an ambiguous and seedy venue, we cautiously entered. The rest of the night was an experience I cannot describe easily. Nana? Time to turn off the computer.
The first act saw a woman light a cigarette, place it inside her, and smoke. She circulated the small stage for the audience to watch the smoke drift out from between her legs. Next, a woman lit several candles on a cake, and then placed a tube inside her, before blowing out air that blew out the candles. Disturbing, and oh it got worse.
Another woman brought out two bottles, one empty, and the other filled with water. She poured the water inside her, then placed the empty bottle inside. Out came coca cola. Mind boggling.
Other women shot ping pong balls out and across the stage into a net, others shot pins out that popped floating balloons, and some pulled out clown-like colourful material from inside them, even getting members of the audience to hold one end, and pull it out. I wouldn't want to touch that....
The main event surprised me more than I can express. If you haven't already, Nana, please turn off the computer.
A woman lay naked on stage, a man then joined her. He was also naked. The song Beauty and the Beast played. Before I could even register what was happening.....'it' was happening. 3 feet away from me.
They 'performed' a variety positions including the man doing a 360 rotation whilst inside her. To be fair, whilst disturbing, it was impressive. That act finished, in both senses of the word, we were back to women shooting bananas out and blowing whistles. It was definitely time to leave now!
In the 'club', we chatted to 3 guys and decided all head back to Koah San together. We tried to put the prior events behind us, and enjoy the rest of the night. We bar crawled, went to underground night clubs, and drank another night away!

Due to the military coup and new government crap, the clubs shut at about 2am. Bulls***! However, this created street parties.
Once the police had vacated, locals dragged out amps and stereos, and blasted music through the street. Everyone drank and danced into the early hours. We even found one of the girls we had previously met in both phangan and phi phi, and all hung out together. It was an amazing night!
On our reluctant way back, we came across a man playing acoustic guitar. We requested favourites, sang along drunkenly, danced, and soon enough, the crowd grew and grew. We had started something!!
Back to the hotel, and alarm set for the morning and our journey to Chiang Mai!