Day 144

Spent a very happy morning going through all the fabulous beauty products my friend Jo sent me. I am now covered in balms and serums and definitely look a lot better than I did when I woke up. I did particularly laugh at Lancome's Eye Repositioning Creme - I don't really want my eyes repositioned, I can't think of anywhere else for them to go. Watched Eat, Pray, Love with Fern and was gutted. Loved the book, was obsessed with the story - despised the film, total and utter crap. She was never Julia Roberts to me, and her journey was meant to be a struggle, not a joy. And it doesn't help that I am the only woman in Europe who finds Javier Bardem absolutely repulsive. The film was a massive, overwhelming disappointment. However, am now reading her next book, Committed, and swear it is written just for me. She talks about her relationships the way I think. I love this woman, Liz Gilbert. And I love that she says when travelling, you need to face some unpleasant truths about yourself. And that everyone you meet has a purpose, and is a teacher. Having said that, she needs to stick to narrative though, her films are s***.

Also have met the gayest Dutchman ever to leave Holland, Mike, and nothing makes me happier than spending time with an interesting homosexual man in his 50's. His outlook on life is the best thing I have ever heard and he sits at the bar in Kilroys ogling boys, smoking, drinking cheap whisky and b****ing. He looks like Dame Edna Everage but sounds like d*** Advocaat. He works as a tour guide taking menopausal Dutch women around Nepal, mainly taking them to restaurants where his favourite waiters work, has lived in Kathmandu for 20 years but doesn't speak a word of Nepali and dresses in gold and white flowing robes. We bonded over a mutual love of self-analysis, a total acceptance and understanding of everything George Michael does, a loathing of judgemental people and a refusal to ever have to spend more than a minute alone. And the fact that we both know all the words to Charlene's 70's belter 'I've Never Been to Me'. Turns out Mike is also a discontented mother and a regimented wife. Who knew.

Our volunteer placement is over and the Australian couple who were managing it have returned to Sydney to continue their fundraising work from there. Rufus continues to teach English and now has to get up at 6am to teach a Russian bloke some general conversation. I'm looking forward to starting volunteering at Mother Theresa's orphanage - this seems to be the most popular place for foreigners to volunteer and the experience appears to be very hands-on and quite overwhelming. I have mixed feelings about Mother Theresa, having always heard that she was actually an evil old witch who abused children in her care. But she appears to have left quite a legacy and there is still good work being carried out across the world in her name. So I start there after Auntie Paula leaves and am enthusiastic but nervous. I have been amazed how hard it is to acquire genuine volunteer work - there is an 'anti-foreigner' sweep on volunteering just now, and a a real attempt to encourage the Nepalese to change Nepal from within. So many places will only take Nepalese volunteers. Also we have the wrong visa so some places are being particularly picky about being above board, which is odd considering the way Nepal generally operates. One of the best things here (and I wonder, maybe the only country left in the world....?) is there is no McDonalds and no Starbucks. The reason McDonalds won't come here is that they 'can't guarantee the quality or kitchen hygiene or standards'. Always reassuring to see that Pizza Hut and KFC opened last year, clearly with blatant and proud disregard for those criteria. Good for them. I also passed a giant billboard advertising a city centre landmark, Rani Pokhari in 1970, and then showing the same picture again in 2010. And nothing had changed! Am not sure what the point of the advert was - were they genuinely trying to show some progress? It was exactly the same picture, just in colour now instead of black and white. I also love that Nepal is the only country I have ever been to - and I must have been to more than 50 - which refuses to use the Gregorian calendar. Fern gets notes home from school saying 'Please do this homework by Carthik 6' or 'The school will be closed from Aswan 3'. And yesterday we passed a banner saying 'Happy New Year 2067'. If this is the future, we're all doomed. I love Nepal and the people in charge, they're all mad.

Spent a fascinating but sad day at the burning ghats with my friend Hari, watching public cremations with tears pouring down my face. Bodies clad in orange silk but with the head and feet still visible, covered in marigold garlands and then carefully placed on a pyre. The stench from the smoke is awful, as is the public grief of family members. The overt and blatant method of managing death I find quite appealing and I feel I made some peace with my own fears about death and left with a slightly better understanding of the circle of life. So a large bonfire in Rouken Glen is the way I would like to go, please.

Clover has lost another tooth and is now pretty much just gums. They are on another school holiday, this time 'the festival of the sun'.

Went for dinner with Keith, an ex-Brit and now-Aussie who left the UK around the time I was born (the two things are not related I assume) and has never looked back. He spent most of the meal encouraging us to emigrate to Perth, for a better life, better jobs, outdoor living, beautiful climate. The words of my dear friend Purni, clearly not a fan of my intention to emigrate, just resonated through my mind - 'Climate? Am sick of everyone pretending they want to emigrate for better weather. Stop whining and wear a f**ing raincoat'.