How to become Xenophobic in one easy lesson:- Live in a hostel.

Further to my "isn't it great to learn about other cultures" postcard, I have reassessed my views in light of recent events. Living in a hostel for a long period and seeing a huge volume of people come and go, one gets a real insight into the foibles of certain races and nations. Especially when you're cleaning up after them. Apologies to anyone who may be offended by the following comments.

The French have taken over. In the last few weeks it seems as though no-one here has a right to cook or drink wine or enjoy themselves unless they are French. There's a group here who positively indulge themselves every hour of the day and breakfast lunch and dinner are events of monumental importance and feats of unparalelled gastronomic organisation. Good for them that they know how to cook and eat fabulous meals from scratch and make their own stock. Good for them that they languish for hours at a time powering back litres of red wine and Malboro reds. But we live here too and it seems the kitchens belong to no-one but them. And the detritus and devastation I am faced with in the morning beggars belief. I didn't know melted Gongonzola had similar adhesive properties to cement.

The Germans are a miserable lot. No chatting outside their little couples and you're lucky if you get a smile. Unsurprisingly, breakfast is a military operation and we pity the fool who comes between them and the toaster when rounds of white are being incinerated. They're so severe, it's not even funny.

The Japanese are generally groups of giggling girls sporting drain pipe jeans and mullets. Noodles are cooked in olympic sessions but they scurry away like frightened penguins if you try and make conversation.

The Americans lads are loud and brash and call each other "You a******" or "You dumb s***". The girls without exception have whiny little girl voices and say "awesome!" a lot.

The Canadians are warm and funny. Their dry sense of humour is a welcome relief and they can see the irony in a situation.

The Dutch just drink coffee.