Dear Simon, Karine and Hannah

Thank you very much for buying us the beachside accommodation for our wedding present. We are currently very much enjoying it on a little island in the South West of Thailand called Koh Yao Noi. It is very unspoiled and pretty here. Koh Yao Noi means Little Grandmother Island in Thai just in case you wanted to know. We are spending our days visiting idyllic beaches, swimming with vicious fishes, hanging out at the beach bar with our new favourite Thai man called Man and some new friends Rachel, Anthony, Thomas and the mad Germans (I don't know their names), eating on mountain tops, offending Scottish people, skinnydipping, serenading random women in red dresses with Chris De Burgh music and generally enjoying the air con (it is very hot here).

We are not really sure exactly where we are on the island or what the village is called. We were meant to be coming to the island to go to a yoga retreat but that didn't really work out too well but like all good adventures that didn't really work out too well. Why? Well I suppose we have to go back a few days to revisit the grand adventure of the honeymooners again…

THE BRAVE HONEYMOONERS AND THE QUEST TO AVOID DOING YOGA

Once upon a time there was a couple of honeymooners who were meant to do yoga on a little island in the South of Thailand. They were rather foolish honeymooners because although they had booked to do a yoga retreat and had paid a rather large amount of gold to do that yoga retreat, they actually didn't really like yoga very much. This you may think is a rather important point in deciding to go to a yoga retreat for three days but, as I said, the honeymooners were a little bit foolish, and had convinced themselves that it would be good because there was other stuff to do there like Tai Chi and meditation and workshops and things.

They didn't really like any of those other things either but that wasn't going to stop them.

Bravely they left Chiang Mai and flew to Krabi. There they stayed one night in a guesthouse with no windows (I told you they were rather foolish) and then headed off to get the ferry in the morning. The ferry left from a small ferry terminal quite a way out of town but these were hardy folk and actually got the local bus rather than take a taxi. Yes, after 6 weeks away, they really are such battle hardened backpackers. They managed to save themselves a whole ten pounds in the process but more importantly could feel smug that they ignored all the shouty taxi people telling them they were at the wrong bus stop and stuck to their guns about the matter.

Next they had to get a very small boat taxi. Donna was especially brave about doing that because she was a little bit afraid of boats but Jim promised to save her if she fell in so everything was ok.

Once reaching the island, all that was left was a short taxi ride and they were at the yoga retreat and the epic journey was over hurrah!

And so the yoga retreat. They were honestly really enthusiastic about being there until the induction meeting with a rather unenthusiastic host called Philip who inspired us to want to stay with such welcoming words as

'Here is a yoga hall. You won't be using it'

'The restaurant is closed on Friday because we put on a big group meal instead but not today.'

'We have sunrise meditation which is really beautiful but it doesn't start until next week.'

'One of the yoga instructors has left so there will be 28 people in the class.'

'There are no workshops on until the high season.'

'The Tai Chi instructor is not here at the moment'.

Over a quick lunch, the foolish honeymooners finally saw the error of their ways and realised they didn't really want to stay in a 100 pound a night yoga retreat and so set out to DEMAND A REFUND.

Like someone who has actually done yoga, Donna focused her mind, pretending she was Cara, she strode into the reception office and did not come out again until she had got a full refund. Arguing cajoling and generally putting her argument across that the place was a bit s*** and we didn't want to stay there, she more or less reduced the unenthusiastic host Philip to tears. He was begging us to take our money and go once Donna had finished with him.

Quickly before anyone noticed what had just happened, our brave heroes jumped in a taxi with cries of take us somewhere else and made their escape.

THE END

And so we are here. We only intended to stay one night and then head to Phi Phi but while sitting in the beach bar researching accommodation, the rain stopped, the sun came out, we noticed how beautiful the beach was and we met our new friends who persuaded us to go on a boat trip with them instead of heading to Phi Phi (we didn't need much persuading because it really is rather nice here). So yeah, it goes to show that everything works out for the best as long as you stay away from Yoga retreats.

Lots of Love

Jim and Donna