Dear Cara, Shaun, Holly and Ava

Thank you very much for buying us the massage training course. We very much appreciated it.

We decided to do a one day course in Thai massage rather than the 5 day professional qualification that we had originally planned. This worked out for the best because it meant that:

1. After one day we were knackered so 5 days would have been tough.

2. We learnt so much in one day, any more and we would have forgotten everything.

3. Getting up early 5 days in a row might have been beyond us.

4. We still got to learn how to do neck, back, bum and legs which is more than enough.

Thai massage is quite cool. It involves pressing hard on various bits of people's body that people don't normally like being pressed hard on. In this way you can pretend to be nice to people and all spiritual and stuff while at the same time hurting them quite a lot and blaming them when they complain because they clearly have too much tension in their body.

The actual massaging is quite easy. It involves walking like an elephant a lot. This means leaning your body from left to right and back again, putting weight on each hand in turn, up and down the other person's body. It makes you look and feel a lot like an elephant.

I had the Nellie the Elephant song in my head all day. I am not sure that is appropriate to sing out loud when you are trying to pretend to be spiritual and stuff.

There was a variation of the walk like an elephant move called 'Walk like a penguin'. It is not as much fun and I couldn't think of any songs to go with it.

We got a book with the instructions in case we forget any of the things we have to do. This is quite helpful. It has a helpful warning in the front which says:

'Caution. A one day course is meant so you can give fun and helpful massages to your friends and family. It doesn't make you a massage therapist. Therefore, do not attempt to massage anyone with a serious injury including people with artificial hips or knees'.

This is good to know but it does put a bit of a dampener on my ambition to set up a massage therapy business specialising in people with artificial knees. Damn.

We did the course with another person as well so it was just Donna, me, the teacher and a Swiss girl. We had to take it in turns to massage each other. This is the first time since we got married that I touched another girl's bottom. But I didn't do it that much I am glad to say. I mostly negotiated it so Donna got to massage the Swiss girl when it was bottom massaging time. Therefore it was the first time (I think) since we have been married that Donna has touched another girl's bottom. I am cool with that.

Now we just have to practice a lot and then we can become good then we can do it on our friends and family (as long as they don't have artificial knees or hips).

Although if we do, I might miss out the bottom massaging bit if that is ok?

Lots of love

Jim and Donna