So day 4 in Amsterdam and finally we have the conditions for a good sleep in - late night (morning) and a killer hangover. Unfortunately we're booked in for a tour, so the one critical condition, time, is against us. And this is the day we should be approaching with more vigour than ever; we're heading to the country, we're going to see clogs getting made, surely today is THE day we see someone in them. Lucky that's enough to get us up and about, albeit a little slowly. We get ourselves ready, and jump on the tram and head back into the city to the start of the tour. Yet again there's a dog on the tram. People take their pets everywhere! Dogs on the tram, dogs in the train and station, everywhere in the street, cafés, everywhere! Daniel and I have started to point them out everywhere by saying "hound" (pronounced 'hoond' to be more European) each time we see one. Once we got into town, we checked in for the tour and headed for the bus. Big tick; the bus was only half full, allowing us to stretch out (cue sleep a little). Big cross; most of those half were Americans, and some very obnoxious - "is there a vegetarian option for lunch?", "are you absolutely certain the vegetable soup doesn't contain any meat products?". Shut the **** up and be on the lookout for a person in clogs, we're bound to find someone. After we were all on the bus, we set off, and after 5 minutes we were in the 'country' (yes, Amsterdam really is that small). One thing that really stood out was that it was incredibly flat. No wonder they all ride bikes, there are no hills. The only time the land rises is for the dykes in the distance. The tour guide explained that we were travelling across poulders, which is land below sea level that has been reclaimed by building the dykes. They'd build dykes, dry the land between them, then build on it. Apparently 66% of Holland is made up of this land! As it was raining again, I would've thought that building below sea level wouldn't be the wisest decision in the world, but they've been doing this for centuries, so who am I to judge. After about half an hour on the bus, or halfway across the country (maybe not halfway but it's a frikking small place), we pulled into a little town called Marken, which was absolutely gorgeous. And even though we were out of the city, it confirmed just how different a way of life it was - it was still tightly packed, small homes with a real communal atmosphere. And there were canals all through it, typical! We left the bus and crossed a canal, into a little shop where FINALLY, A MAN IN CLOGS!! In all his glory, there he was, clogs and all. Never mind he was about to show us a demonstration on how clogs are made, HE WAS IN CLOGS! My life sort've felt a little more complete. We sat down, and our new hero showed us how they turned quite literally a chunk of wood into a shoe in about 5 minutes - it was that quick. No wonder the roof of the shop was adorned with clogs all over it, would've taken him half a day. After the presentation, we had a bit of spare time to wonder through the town to the other side, where we'd be catching a boat to our next stop. Marken is set on a harbour, which is set on the second largest lake in Europe. Only it wasn't always this way. Turns out the Dutch do get this thing wrong occasionally. Apparently the 'lake' used to be the ocean, but to stop the tides they built a massive dyke across it further north. Over time, this turned the salty seawater into fresh, and killed the whole fishing industry in the process for around a century, until it was fresh enough that freshwater fish took over and the fishing industry could resume. Oops. We made our way to the harbour, and right in front of us was a stall selling seafood. Dad's eyes lit up, and in a blink he was over there ordering some food. He got himself some salted herring, which is raw herring served in oil and onion. He was like a pig in ****, so excited to be gobbling it up. I tried some, and while it was ok, I probably won't ever get as excited as he was for it, or anything really. And I like to get excited, but this was something else! Not content with the fish on its own, he ordered a roll with herring in it, and wolfed it down just as quick. A sight to behold. Once Dad had devoured half of the nation's seafood supplies, we boarded the boat that was taking us across the lake (ocean) to Volendam, about a half hour sailing. On the boat, they served apple cake and coffee, and it was exactly the same as I remember Oma used to make when we went and visited Oma and Opa. It was yet another example of how 'Dutch' it all was, even if we didn't realise it at the time. We docked in Volendam, which is set on the top of a dyke, and disembarked. The town is a big dock for massive river cruise boats, so is really touristy (yes traditional Dutch costume photo shops, I'm talking to you), but is also really pretty. The tour guide offered to take us all on a bit of a tour of the town, but we decided to go our own way for the 45 minutes we had to explore. Dad dropped some Dutch speak to her, which was funny because up until then, I think she assumed nobody spoke it, so she could get away with saying whatever she wanted - for all I knew she was talking so much **** about us. And now she can't. Thanks Dad. But she'd have all of our blessing to talk as much **** as she wanted about Obnoxious American Tourist (OAT). Wow he was bad. We got to lunch, which we had to preorder when we started our tour, and all OAT could do was criticise. His fish came out, which he preordered; "I don't like it, it's no good" (he didn't even try it). The salad came out, which was communal; "why has the salad got dressing on it? I want dressing on the side". How's about this ****wit - we saw a bloke in clogs today. Appreciate that ****. Anyway I digress. Lunch was good, and it was another example and appreciation of the way Oma served the meals she used to cook us, it was so Dutch and we know it now! After lunch we boarded our bus again (stick to the front of it for all our sakes OAT (****wit)), and headed for Edam! Edam up peeps (eat them up peeps - I feel I needed to make a 'cheesy' joke, because Edam is a cheese making place!). What a beautiful place, and heaven for a person like me, with a whole town square devoted to trading cheeses! We tried a few cheeses and wandered through Edam, which was so beautiful. And cheesy, in a good way. I love cheese (can you tell I'm a little bit Dutch?) We boarded the bus again when we were finished there, and headed for the only other thing we really wanted to see in The Netherlands (sorry family) - windmills!! After about half an hour (hungover sleeping time included), we arrived in Zaanse Schans, a beautiful little town with a river lined with classic Dutch windmills! Never in my life had I so wished I had the tattoo that Daniel had with a windmill on his ****. What a gorgeous place! We went into a windmill built in the 1600's and had a look around. It was such an impressive machine that it could crush peanuts into peanut oil that today the same amount could be done in less than a day! I felt sorry for the bloke who still operates it, does he feel inferior or what?! The best part of it all was the photo of Daniel's windmill with an actual classic windmill! If you think it was the clogs we were really after to see, this was a very close second! Photo of the trip! I also got a goat selfie, which in any other time would've been the best photo ever, but not on this occasion. After getting the best photo of all time, we boarded the bus again for our trip back to Amsterdam. Pretty much don't remember it because I snoozed the whole way. By about 5ish we were back in the city, and had prearranged to see Dad's uncle Wim and his partner Humphrey (not B. Bear). Once we were back in the city, we got on the metro that took us out to their place, and met Wim who took us on the 5 minute walk back to their apartment. As with all of Dad's other relatives, it was a little bit awkward at first, given the fact that we'd basically never met them (save for when I was 2, and I don't think I was like I am now back then). But at least they spoke a little bit of English. They'd arranged us all a reservation at a sushi / tapas bar for dinner, and we all squashed in their little car to get there at about 7pm. What a night! What seemed awkward at first was completely blown away at this restaurant. It was set up as a 5 round 'all you can eat', where you can order up to 5 meals per round, write them on a scorecard, send it in then they deliver your meals. Wim and Humphrey (not B. Bear) decided that as Daniel was youngest (and they sort've picked his existence), that he should be in control of the scorecard. Even with no Dutch (bar some swear words he learnt of course). It made it so much more entertaining that the menu was all in Dutch, and that all our meals came out at once, which meant a lot of matching the meal to the picture on the menu. Humphrey (not B. Bear) challenged us to go all 5 rounds at 5 meals per round, but after 3 we were defeated, as was everyone else. But what an awesome night, a great way to break the ice, and something we'll look back on forever - we've had the chance to meet them, and they got to meet us - that's all we wanted! What an awesome night. We went back to their apartment for coffee after dinner, and Daniel was falling asleep on the couch, totally exhausted. After coffee, Wim and Humphrey (not B. Bear) dropped us off at the bus terminal, we caught the bus home, and collapsed into bed about midnight, so very exhausted. Day 4, very exhausted but so very rewarding (we saw clogs on a man!!) done!