30th March


For the first time since arriving in Songjiang, China, yesterday I was having doubts about staying...

Next week I get 3 days off school and so to have the opportunity to travel further than Shanghai, this break has excited me so much. I've been searching online places I can go, all that I can see and that was exactly it; All that I can see! I've had one week off for Spring Festival and my next week holiday is in October, just 2 weeks in a year! Is this teaching really for me? My eyes wide wanting to see more, my mind wanting to know more. Boy I'm only young, the world is out there, or at least at the moment China and Asia are out there, waiting for me, just as much as I'm waiting for them.
These countless thoughts going over and over in my head as I walked home, as I lay in bed and as I woke this morning…


Today I went to Darcy's home with Beth, to experience some traditional tea and enjoy dinner with her family.
Darcy's mothers name translates into Swallow. I told her I was jealous as she has freedom and yet snow just lands and stays and that's what I feel like in Songjiang, I'm just stuck here. "No!" her mother said and Darcy translated "Snow is beautiful when it falls, it looks beautiful when it settles and when the sun shines, the snow begins to melt and turns into water on it's new journey like a Swallow" Wow, what a beautiful way to put it!

I can't quite explain the feelings I had this evening nor exactly what happened, it was just perfect. We laughed, we talked, we played games, we ate, we smiled, we drank tea, we laughed, we drank tea, we played games and all of sudden from arriving at 3pm, it was 1am!
Sat back in my chair watching Beth play Chinese 5 in a row with Darcy's sister, I had a sudden urge to cry. I took a break and stepped out onto the balcony. "Why do happy things sometimes make us upset?" I ask Darcy. "Is it because I feel so lucky, so privileged to be in that certain moment in time?"
The whole set-up of Darcy's family is just so beautiful and to be accepted into it, was beyond great. They haven't hadn't it easy as a family and don't necessarily now, but the love, strength and positive energy they have amongst each other is just incredible to see. Darcy's mum was beyond kind and has touched my heart in a way that I can't explain, I just know myself.
"Darcy, I'm not leaving" I smiled and looked up to the few stars that had managed to shine through the smog in the night sky.



This is why I want to spend long periods of time in countries, because of experiences like this. Just travelling by for a few weeks, relationships such as this cannot be established and this night has meant more than anything than seeing another temple or another old building. Yes there is so much more of the world out there and my desire to travel to all these places is un-real but that happiness is short lived, just another photo to add in the album. This is a life experience, this is what changes me, something that is embedded in my heart.
Perhaps teaching isn't for me. Each working day, the same questions, the same songs, the same routine, it all becomes tedius but I'll work on it, 'spice it up' even. Teaching with little holidays will be worth it in the end. I can save my money and travel to my hears content at the end of my year because leaving behind everyone I've met here now, well it's too early, my Chinese life has only just begun!...


Peace. Yang Xue x x x