Our very last day. We're going home.

I cried on and off for most of the day. Packing up our stuff and getting our bags ready to go. Its hard to put into words. The oppressive, weighty feeling of sadness coupled with the lump rising in my throat and the not too distant feeling of dread at the thought of the journey home.

We bought a thank you card and Nick left me the unenvious task of writing it. I could hardly see my pen as I blinked away the tears, gripped by the fear that if I started, I might not stop.

The trip to the airport, the time at the airport and the journey home is almost a blurr. I remember having a coffee together in the airport. I remember saying goodbye and watching them drive away. I was almost unable to breath, almost completly suffocated by the sadness. And the love. The rest is blank.

A week later and I'm just as sad. I miss them so much. I've never had the holiday blues like this before. Having said that, I never had a holiday like this before. I miss Billy and Rich, Kadie, the dog, the weather and Ellenbrooks sedate way of life. I never expeted to like it as mush as I did. I've got the feeling in the end of my nose again. The one when you want to cry but try not to.