Ahhh, back on terra firma. A few days diving off the islands of Mabul and Kapalai, and relying on Wifi powered by palmoil, has left me without an update for a few days - sorry about that.

Well, I didn't get to dive the famous Sipadan dives; they required booking months in advance. However, I did reresh a few skills and saw an awesome array of turtles (one in particular was about 9 feet long), octopi, cuttlefish, ornate ghost pipefish (it's a real thing) and the astonishing, if butt-ugly, frog fish, hence the photo.

It's been a good old time, and I've made some great friends, the lovely Kiwi Kate, Gorgeous George, not-American Ashley and Dai from Westminster City Council, look you.

But also, I wanted to share with you the great public need for diving outfits to give annual awards to their customers.

I'm not looking for recognition personally, dear me no, but people should be named and shamed as the...

- Diver Most Likely to Swim up the Instructor

- Diver Most Likely to Take 1 Life to Get a Photo

- Most Embarrassed Spouse of a Diver (or Best Sheepish Smile)

- Least Attractive Tattoo / Crappest Tattooed Motto

I think we should be told.