I thought I'd better put down exactly what the plan is, so I can look back on how wrong it went in a few months time.

On the 1st of June, we're going to jump on a bus that is conveniently going to take us all the way to Amsterdam. We'll spend nearly two nights there, and then get a night bus that'll get us into Copenhagen in the morning....

A few days there, and it'll be time to get into Germany for the World Cup. We're going to follow the fortunes of the England side, and intersperse it with trips into other parts of Europe. We want to have a couple of days in Italy, and if England piss on their group we're planning on missing the second round and having a ten day trip through south-east Europe.

If England get as far as the final they'll win, as they'll have beaten Brazil in the semi-final. So to say the same thing in a slightly more realistic way, England will be out by the semi-finals... There's a few other games we want to try and watch - Brazil v Australia should be fun, and the African games should be high jinx.

We're not actually going to have tickets to any of these games you understand, we're just there for the atmos. The Germans are holding street festivals in every city that is holding matches, with big screens, beer tents and brackwurst. We figure that it'll be an awful lot of fun as long as we don't look too much like England fans. And we don't meet too many. And we don't stand near them.

While I'm on the subject, it is a worry. England fans behaved impeccably at the last world cup, but this was because it cost them a fortune to get over there, and they weren't about to get kicked out.

A guy I know is on several police watch lists, and is banned from travelling in the month of June, and banned from entering Germany. So he just left last week, flew to Portugal, and is making his own way to the event. Nasty bloke, too.

I wouldn't be surprised if our government issued a leaflet advising football fans on the do's and don'ts of International Football. I mean, performing the Nazi Salute in Germany is, as well as appallingly bad taste, a crime. But I can't help but fear that the cells may get a little crowded on England match days.

Perhaps I'm being to hard on my countrymen. Come on England fans! Prove me wrong!

Anyway.