After a fragmented sleep on the airport floor, both of us weren't feeling particularly chipper, but as promised our transfer came to pick us up at 8am and we gratefully clambered aboard.

On arrival at the camper van retail park we were introduced to our camper - it was an utter anticlimax. The thing looked like something you would find on the Antiques Roadshow and absolutely nothing like the glossy, red-striped camper vans advertised on the website, and too make matters worse a purple flower had been painted on the front. Chelsea seemed keen to jump in and get going but for once, I put my foot down. I wasn't parting with the amount of money that we had paid for something that looked nothing like what was advertised and that didn't even have curtains for the windows!

After reviewing the van and finding it to be rusty inside, with stained bedding and seats with a musty smell that clung to your clothes, I went back inside and said (politely) that I was very disappointed with the van and that it didn't even remotely live up to my expectations following the websites photographs and boasts of, 'A stylish and relaxing camper van that will make you smile everyday!'

What followed this genuinely polite inquiry into something more aligned with our expectations was the rudest encounter I have ever had the misfortune of dealing with. The pinhead 'Allana' (anyone with a name remotely sounding like an animal that resembles an alpaca is bound to be a nit) proceed to violently burst into a stream of maniacal garbage and actually shouted at us! Blinking in disbelief I calmly took a breath and proceeded to counter her argument. She had said that, 'It didn't matter if the car was a year or ten years old, it ran well if it had been treated correctly.' Trying to comprehend the absurdity of her first statement I informed her that it's previous treatment was nothing to do with us and that the poor vehicle outside had therefore clearly been heartily abused and not at all like their website's promises of a modern vehicle. At this point she stood up with both her hands on the desk and said, 'Take it or leave it, it isn't my problem.' I actually began to laugh at this point, whose problem was it then? I then asked to speak to the manager, she said that he wasn't in today and when we requested that he be rang she point blank refused! Trying to temper her insanity I said that I would show her the photos on their website (just in case she hadn't actually seen what she was supposed to supplying us with) when I stood up and walked around her desk to show her my phone she screamed - and I mean screamed - 'How dare you try and look at our computer (there was a computer on her desk)! Get back around to the front!' like I said, she had absolutely lost the plot and had utterly no idea how to deal with the situation, which I'm surprised at as it must happen a lot!

On reflection her clammy face, constant swallowing and darting eyes suggest that she may be clinically unstable.

Chelsea, tired as she was bless her, began to cry - I think in disbelief at this woman's appalling attitude.

Eventually, another woman who worked for the store came over and said that she would speak to a logistical control person or some such thing and see if something could be worked out.

She later came to us and said that a more modern one would be coming back at 4:30 and that we could wait for that. We decided to take the hit and wait the 8 hours for its arrival.

For anyone planning to book an Apollo camper van or a 'hippie camper' as they are sometimes called, please don't do yourself the disservice and book with Jucy instead. How they feel they can advertise a far more modern camper van and refuse to even apologise when they offer a twenty year old model (it had 300,000 miles on its clock) instead, that is nothing like what they promise, and doesn't even have curtains for the windows is just ridiculous!

After another very long day we finally got our camper, Jimi. He's beautiful and everything we wanted (and were initially promised)! He has a fold out double bed in the back, a boot that opens skyward to reveal a sink, stove, fridge and a few draws and a cupboard! You'll be glad to know that he also has curtains! He boasts a pretty manly sized steering wheel and had music notes down the one side atop an erotic red strip! When we pimped him out with a new sat nav he looked hot to trot!

Without a moment to lose we rumbled away on the 149 mile trip to Lake Tekapo. The three hour trip went quickly due to our rekindled excitement. With a quick stop off for a bite to eat in the cowboy-western looking town of Fairlie, we made it just in time to see the brilliant, teal glacial water of Lake Tekapo stretching as far as the eye could see just before twilight; it made us forget our previous woes and insane staff members and look forward to the next chapter in our adventure!