Recently I have been spending my time in libraries due to the need for research and internet. I would consider myself a reasonable authority on the wonderful libraries of NZ and am keen to share my insights regarding their inner sanctums and chambers.

A library has a very eclectic and dynamic swarm of people buzzing around within it and I have managed to scientifically categorise everyone (painstakingly) into the following groups:

You always get two types of librarian:

1. Those that pay little heed to their own rule of 'whispering voices' and answer you in a loud and genial manner that makes you slightly duck for cover. These women usually have large breasts, curly, fly away hair and broad smiles.

2. The sinister women that glare at you piercingly over their glasses, that 89.6% of the time are on a chain. Their eyes and pursed, thin lips immediately label you as someone who is unworthy of the chastity of their sacred shelves. These women usually have dark, poker-straight hair, are slim and wear big, pendant style necklaces.

3. You never see a male librarian, ever.

Following the staff are the customers. There are five, wondrous categories here.

1. 'The Invisibles', the middle twenties and upwards that peacefully glide along the shelves, delicately select their books and then leave. These people are dressed smart or casual with polished shoes, have tidy hair cuts and well manicured nails.

2. 'Hobos', those that use a library as a place to waste away time and soak up free internet. They laugh outrageously loudly at their computer screens while wearing headphones and get the grease from their hair on the keyboards. These people usually wear dark hoodies, frayed jeans and have yellowing teeth.

3. 'Misfits', the people who seek refuge from the ghastly sunlight and well maintained people. Usually carrying some minor ailment such as an spectacular monobrow or glasses that magnify their eyes. These people have pale skin, lank hair and faded baseball caps on their head.

4. 'Students' the poor bespectacled souls that look harassed and are usually eating a pasty with a stack of books next to them. These people tend to dress with the current trends where their footwear is the most expensive part of their outfit and sport ginormous headphones.

5. 'Wailers', easily the worst category. Parents that selfishly bring their toddlers or unruly children to the library. While the children cause chaos, screaming and running around their parent acts blissfully unaware and if anything hide from their children in order to escape their noise. These people usually have faint, bluish bags under their eyes, scraggy hair and a rucksack.

Use this categorisation next time you go to a library, it's a sure thing.

After the library we embarked on our much anticipated wine tour in the Marlborough District. I have been on a wine tasting course before and found it ruefully engaging so was feeling quite smug about having the chance to sample wine in NZ's very own Marlborough vineyards.

We stopped at five places in total: Saint Clair, Villa Maria, Omakara, No1. Champagne and Makana Chocolatiers.

All three wine stops offered us copious amounts of their wines, I was unlucky enough to be driving, but this had the illustrious advantage that I could pompously spit my wine into a bucket that was provided for me. The winery's staff were very knowledgeable and helpful with our barrage of questions and it was nice to try wines from the same year but from different vineyards within the valley. An example of this would be in Villa Maria where one wine's grapes were from an earthy stony vineyard while the other wine's was from a clay based vineyard in a different valley - the difference in taste was drastic and I now don't have to nod along uncomprehendingly when people say 'minerally' taste as that really was what it tasted like, it was like licking a stone and wasn't altogether unpleasant.

As the tour progressed Chelsea got a redder completion, laughed louder and generally just got b******sed. When ever someone said anything regarding flavours such as 'oakey tones' she would nod enthusiastically along and say, 'mmmmm yeah!'

The highlights however, were the last two stops and nothing to do with wine. Firstly, the No1 Champagne shop was magnificently decorated with chandeliers and a slinky blonde behind the counter. There were four champagnes to sample and Chelsea got right to it. Interestingly, methodo traditionale, (champagne that isn't from the Champagne region of France, though is made in exactly the same way) should always be between 12.5 and 12.6% if made properly using the 'riddling' method.

With champagnes sampled and swilled we went to our last stop, Makana chocolatiers, founded by a Hawaiian man, Makana means 'gift' in Hawaiian. Inside were row upon row, shelf upon shelf of scrumptious chocolates; it took me a solid four minutes of fanning to get Chelsea to come back around and get her up off the carpet. To the left of us was a small, open factory floor where the chocolates were being hand prepared.

Full to bursting with peanut brittle, orange truffles and in Chelsea's case champagne we ended our fantastic tour. Now it was on to Picton.