THREE PRIZE MONKEYS!

31st July 2008

Yes, it's the saga of Mr Incompetent, Mr Notaclue and Rev Weakling.John's ears should be cleaner than they've ever been these days, as there's been so much steam issuing forth, it could have powered PNG electricity for the year!We've managed to establish 'regular' executive meetings with the Three Prize Monkeys and have been laying it on pretty strong, the trouble is they agree with everything we say, 'Yes John, you're right Jacquie', then they do b….. all!However, we have managed to persuade them to have staff briefing first thing in the morning and log those who are late and these miscreants are spoken to by the management team immediately after briefing. So far they have managed to do this and it appears to have had a moderately successful effect.We've also set up a system of written warnings for repeated offences of lateness, which has been sanctioned by the Provincial Adviser. We're a bit concerned though, as since we've been here, the one and only secondary inspector for the 13 secondary schools is having hospital treatment for high blood pressure and yesterday we heard that the Provincial Adviser was in hospital suffering from a suspected stroke and also high blood pressure - " nuffin' to do wiv us Gov!"

This warning system also encompasses absence from lessons, which is absolutely appalling.We walk round the school and the majority of classrooms have no teacher in them and the students are hanging around bored - how they don't get up to more mischief than they do, is a miracle!So we've devised a monitoring system for the monkeys, which we will be going through (s-l-o-w-l-y) with them to-day, if the meeting actually happens, which is always a question mark.We've also devised a script for Mr Incompetent, so he can run the morning briefing with a modicum of authority.He used it once, lost it for the next briefing, so we provided him with another one, then he lost it again (as did we!!).

We made an interesting discovery the other day though, when we were working with the Maths department.We were enquiring about the role of the Head of Department and he informed us that he couldn't tell someone who was older in his department what to do, it was disrespectful.In this culture, if you are old you are respected and listened to (quite a bonus for us old fogeys!).Also, he couldn't discipline someone in his department or cause them to lose their jobs, as they might get their wantoks to come in and chop him up!! Where do we go from there?

Today there has been a disciplinary hearing regarding a Rev who's a complete waste of space as a teacher and efforts have been made to get rid of him before, but it's always been blocked by the church.This time however, he has been drunk and disorderly (yes, the reverend himself, one of too many in this school) and started throwing stones at the security guard and bringing disreputable wantoks (relatives, friends, general hangers on) into the school compound, so we're hoping he'll gets his marching orders to-day, that's if Rev Weakling can stand his ground, which is questionable.

The steam has been issuing forth in particular, because the teachers are continually complaining that they don't have time to cover the work in the new Reform Curriculum.That's mainly because, as I've said, they're never in the classroom when they should be (except when there are remedial classes held at the end of the day which they get paid extra for - not a teacher missing from class then!), but it's also because for example, on Friday, the students got sent home early because they were given their reports and on Monday they were sent home early because it was raining!!!We get rain here on most afternoons!Yesterday they got sent home early because there was a touch of tribal warfare going on at the school gates, as there was a school fees issue. Never a dull moment, but what about the student's education?Way down the priority list.

Talking of tribal warfare, a VSO colleague (the one who judged at the flower show), was awarding prizes at a primary school, where the teacher who had set up the competition for the prizes, now working at another school, had not, for whatever reason, been invited to this prize giving.So, he got drunk, summoned his clan members and turned up at the school and did some significant beatings up.Thankfully, it was after the volunteer had left.The angry teacher was then required to pay compensation to the school which, as well as prize money, then also collected a few pigs and chickens as a result!

The simplest task, which you wouldn't normally think twice about, is hard work here.We still have no comfortable chairs but recently our VSO education boss came up here for a meeting and was appalled that we were still sitting on plastic chairs, so he said we could get two comfortable ones and charge the cost to VSO.Marvellous!We couldn't then pop into Glasswells or some other furniture store and buy them.We had to get on a PMV and travel for half an hour to a technical school where they make chairs.Order two, which may take 6 weeks or so if we're lucky and then travel back and fax the order through to VSO.Oh dear, the fax machine is baggerup!Then I'm running low on pills, which are a necessity if I am to stay alive.I had the foresight to get a prescription for 2 years' pills when I was in Madang, but couldn't purchase the lot in one go, as they expire their sell by date. So, as we have no pharmacy in Kundiawa, I rang the nearest one, in Goroka,(a two hour ride away on a PMV), to ask if they have the pills in stock.'Oh no, I have to send for them from Australia.''How long does that take?''Don't really know, a week or two.''OK, if I come to Goroka in 3 week's time, could I pick them up?''Yes that will be alright, but I need a purchase order and a sight of the prescription.''Can I fax it to you?' 'Yes.'So I ring VSO for a purchase order, no sweat, then go into the school to fax the prescription - forgetting of course the fax is baggerup!Why?The head hasn't paid the bill!!

That same week we had a meeting at our house, so I said I'd provide lunch for 5 of us and duly made some soup and a spaghetti bolognaise.Great, the meeting is nearly finished, so I put on the soup to heat, go in to check it a few minutes later to find the gas has run out!!So then it was a case of finding the school truck and setting off to find gas.Luckily, clever John had reserved a canister in the town 'just in case' which was just as well, as the town had run out, but the chap in the store John had paid in advance, had kept our canister for us, so we got our lunch - eventually!!

Then we were due to do some teacher training, so we tried to sort out chairs.No chairs to be had.'Where are they?' we enquire.'In the church', came the reply.'Can we fetch them?' we enquire.'The church is locked' came the reply.'Who has the key?' we enquire.'The chaplain' came the reply. 'Where can we find him', we enquire.'Don't know' came the reply. At this point, John's ears and steam became an issue, so we decided to ask every teacher to bring their own chairs to the training.We had to then go to a meeting, but when we escaped and went to set up our training in the staffroom, the chairs appeared.Then lo and behold, every single teacher then remembered to bring their chair with them to the training (an unusual occurrence for them to remember something asked of them an hour in advance!) so John not only had steam coming our of his ears but we had chairs as well!!The training went well and involved another role play by us.John really is becoming a 'lovey' - can you imagine!!

Walking here is hard work too, because of the altitude and the mountains, but boy is it worth it!Last week-end, John and I decided to go for a quiet stroll.Not possible here.We set off out of town having said 'good morning' to a million people and shaken most of their hands, onto a quiet road leading to a village.The village people came out in force to greet us and two young men, plus a horde of youngsters, insisted on being our guide and taking us to see 'their snake' and their waterfall at Bird Creek.We gave in and went with them on a long trek (thankfully the snake did not materialise!) along a river bed to a fantastic waterfall.It was a hard slog, made more difficult by the insistence of two of the girls that they would 'help' me and so gripped my hands, which would have been better used gripping onto the rocks. It really was a stunning walk though, as the scenery takes our breath away, as does the climb up the mountains!

Then this week-end we went on another walk up the mountains again and another man and boy insisted on being our guide.We started off along a long, very unstable, single span suspension bridge, which swayed alarmingly and was full of holes.Up a very steep incline, through numerous villages and eventually came back down to the river. Here we were greeted by some smiling gentlemen with large, well patched, rubber rings.These were to transport us across the river, which was quite wide and fast flowing.So the plan was, the transporter sat with both feet in the centre of the ring and we sat astride it, with him gripping onto us.Then he 'paddled' his legs like mad and somehow got us across and I didn't even get wet!It was great fun. The lovely thing too is that none of our 'guides' ever ask for money for their trouble, so unlike some developing countries.

The yoga classes for the girls are going well.I introduced a very simple balance (the tree) in their first class, which involves standing on one leg with the other foot resting on the supporting leg, with the knee turned out.Now, when I first learnt this, it took me ages to learn to hold that position without wobbling or falling over.I was therefore amazed when 20 odd girls, who'd never done yoga before, held this position for ages and not a wobble amongst them!!All was revealed though a little later, when I observed their feet more closely - they are ENORMOUSLY broad!It's as though they're standing on a pedestal and you couldn't hope to push them over if you tried!I realised they are used to balancing when trudging up and down these mountain paths, some of which are quite precarious.

It looks as though you're having hot weather at the moment, so thinking of you enjoying those BBQs - enjoy!For those of you with holiday plans, have a great time! We're both fine, frustrated, but fine!To those of you who are waiting for an e-mail response from us - sorry - guess what, internet baggerup!!!

I must now away and apply John's greasepaint!Enjoy the summer while it lasts!