Hello there my hearties. Splice the main sail, swab the deck and get me some vitamin C and salted meats to combat the effects of scurvy, as Messner has charted a course for banterous activities in the heart of the Inca empire...... After leaving Rio, Rosie and I arrived in good old Santiago (Chile), which for me was the third time here. Oooh it's a proper little home from home these days. The whole point of being here was some lovely snowboarding banter and ...

Phew – that lad Whittaker has stopped drivelling all manner of sh....... oh hello, he`s back! I heard that you cheeky little $%·$! So do you want to know where I`ve been or not? Well since getting out of Buenos Aires a trail was blazed to Uruguay. Up we turn in Montevideo with no idea and find quite a nice inoffensive little place. The main event however was me running around a deserted sports bar swinging my top around my head shouting risqu...

Como estas amigos? As you can see Messner has ensconced himself within local customs and traditions and started learning a bit of the lingo. There is probably something gramatically incorrect re the opening but all levels of pedantic ripostes should be kept under lock and key. Please. With sugar on. Well when I say that customs and traditions have been embraced you may be conjuring up images in the old minds eye of Messner retracing steps taken by ancie...

Now then. Messner reporting from Mendoza in Argentina. I am actually in Santiago, Chile but I've already written a postcard from there. Glass eye. Anyway - you know the pro forma by now. Section 1 - Inane introductory ramblings as highlighted spectacularly here Section 2 - Tell you the sensible stuff I've been doing so you don't think I'm wasting the whole time. Section 3 - Bullet points of - banter - lather - more banter - more lather...

Hola hola hola, I am literally at the end of the Earth - next stop Antartica! Well it would be if they were still running trips - but alas I have arrived somewhere for the first time at the wrong time of year. I could however get a cheeky trip to the lovely Torres Del Paine in though - so northwards bound from the ever so end of the Earth looking town of Punta Arenas. Why people live here I do not know - it is bloody desolate. So I waited for a day for ...