Messner returns to a continent where: * people don't go to the toilet on the street (Asia) * they don't call girls Sheila and boys Bruce, when it's not even their name (Austrailasiaiaiaiaiaia) * they don't have the efficiency of the Inland Revenue in every walk of life (South America) Yes, he returns to good ol' Europe where he met up with his old muckers Ben and Jon in Barcelona (pronounced Barttthhhhelona), both of whom had been there for 2 days a...

After a bigger fiasco than the day the bearded woman in the Chorley circus was revealed to be not other than Radio 1 DJ Dave Lee Travis in drag, I ended having to visit Venezuela for 4 days on my way home. Tales abound before my arrival of pickpocketing, muggings at knife point and general violence towards gringos (and that is just by the old ladies.... where's that snare drum gone?...) in Venezuela, and Caracas in particular. I hence decided to try and get ...

The Galapagos Islands, oh my dream! After nearly missing the flight due to silliness we made it aboard our vessel for a 5 day cruise - the HMS Letty. Myself, Rose and our American friends (Joe and Sarah) sat there at the welcome meeting trying not to grin inanely - the boat was awesome! Waiters in bow ties, spanking new DVD/ TV area, spacious cabins, sun deck, snacks ready for after snorkelling, delicious 3 course meals - oh my heaven! Then there were t...

Well then, on to Ecuador (which means Equator in Spanish don`t you know - or was that just me being thick) land of........ erm....... land of....... fair to middleingness. After Rose and I remorgaged our respective parent`s houses (sorry dad - will explain when I get home, there is a great rental market in Chorley at the moment) to get on the boat of dreams in the Galapagos Islands, we had 3 weeks to kill in this country I knew b***** all about. "Too ma...

A resounding hello from Peru to you all! Previously Peru was the very essence of South America in my mind's eye. Hearing the haunting melody of an ancient Inca religious ritual flowing through the snow capped peaks of the Andes perhaps. Looking towards the sun and spying the ghostly outline of a Golden condor on its tardy flight to the lost city of El Dorado per se. Finding the remnants of an ancient civilisation with proud traditions kept alive after their ...