And so unbelievably, Messner is back in Beijing - sorry I mean Auckland, it is pretty hard to tell the difference I tell thee. After a flight via Dubai involving a session on valium and lather (again), trying to make friends in Dubai airport - where for some reason nobody wanted to hear the tales of a drowsy drunk - I made it. I was reunited with Rosina who may have had something to do with this drastic change of plan - but all this is just allegations and hearsay. A few weeks of fun and job searching, and more job searching and even more job searching later and I had a job. I come all the way out here and get a job in bloody rail again. My idea of becoming a monkey trainer / bareback rider (steady) / kiwi charmer (?) all went to pot when I remembered that I am a geek, and that the charm of a flask of weak lemon cordial, wafer thin ham sandwiches, a notepad and pen and the sheer adrenalin rush you get at the end of a busy station when a class 158 whizzes past would entice me back to the fickle mistress that is the railways. A few observations on Auckland: - it is full of hatters. Every day is a full moon here, my theory being the people who used to hang around in Chorley bus station got a generous relocation package after the council unveiled its plans for a new glam transport interchange with a strict new anti-hatter policy. Auckland is a place where someone in slippers, a dressing gown and carrying a pie whilst shouting "It's a bomb!" would have people patting him on the back and saying "You're the best mayor this city has ever had". - i'e are e's and e's are i's. Cowboy time is tin to tin. - It is home to a 100 foot high Santa Claus that is the scariest thing you will ever see. He wags his finger really slowly, winks with one eye and generally looks like a dirty old drunk. I'll put a picture on here for you to see...... So thats it. Will tell you when I am in the All Black squad and will endeavour to fill these pages for a bit longer.