And so to the land down under, The Australian tourist authority, rather nicely I thought, sent an Australian cliche to meet me at the airport. A man, with the look of Mick Dundee, in full khaki regalia asked if he may just squeeze past me in his indigenious brogue "Scuse I there matey mate!" at what was later recorded as 4.3 on the richter scale off the coast of Java. When I arrived at my lodgings in Sydney (the house of Miss Jo 'Sparrow' Liddle's father), I was met with a beer thrust into my hand by a young, not yet identified native. He also seemed very happy that he had someone to play poker with. Despite my tepid claims of not having slept for 36 hours, there I was 45 minutes later on my third beer playing poker for money with three 18 year olds (he had picked up his mate and girlfriend in the excitement). The time - 10 am. They also call chickens 'chucks' and I heard people say 'fair dincum' in the street. I thought Neighbours was an exageration..... Apparently not. Perhaps I then portray a resident of Coronation Street quite well..... :-( I arrived on Australia day, and having no clue what it was proceeded to go and see some tall ships sail past the opera house and harbour bridge, with red arrow type planes flying overhead with trails of smoke behind them. I still have no idea what Australia day is. Team Oz did a great job of showing me around the area and allowed me to cross paths with Mr C'MON in Manly. Mr C'MON was lovely and lathered and had taken it upon himself to tell the public at large to "C'MON!!!'. When asked why he was bellowing the vague command his reply was that "Someone told me to". I then asked him if one unresponsive subject of his tirade was indeed 'c'moning on'. "Is he f&@*" was the terse reply "He must be a f*@#$%g pom w*%#@r". I thought the mayor of Sydney would have been less xenophobic.... Off to New Zealand now to see if they have mouths like drains as well...... Prudish Messner