Move over the dream, the hairy dream and even the uber dream - for New Zealand is here - and it is confirmed as the industrial billowing dream on a rather long and robust stick. I touched down in the land of the delta blues to be met by my darling daddio and Janet and our new friend - a campervan the size of a small Arab state. Cue 5 days of Messner ensconced in the back of the unwielding behemoth while my dad kept picking up German backpackers (despite my protests) to keep me company in the back. Oh my glassen eyen. The 5 days also brought unsympathetic scowls from other campervan drivers in the over 55 category who often shot me a look that said "You are too old to be on holiday with your parents - get a girlfriend sonny Jim". So after 5 days (nice ones dad - don't cut me out of the will!) we went our seperate ways and I went tramping my merry way around NZ. A 3 day easy one to start with - "Minceathon!" I bellowed "Show me the true meaning of death or glory". After I got out of jail for unleashing this tirade in a residential area, I set sail for Stewart Island - where a 10 dayer beckoned. How hard can it be I pondered ( note step down from bellowing)? After an easy day one I was back on the soapbox "Is that all you have got!!" I shouted at nature. As it turned out it wasn't - 24 hours later I was waist deep in mud, the rain was torrential, I'd spilled all my water inside my bag and I was seriously considering sleeping under a log. As it was, I puffed out the pigeon chest and returned to cicvilisation 8 days later - an absolute wreck of a Messner. I passed many tests on the way (barely) both mental and physical - including waist deep mud, quicksand and raging rivers that I got.... wet in..... I don't like to harp on about me being a hero though.... Since then I have been taking it easy. I even enjoyed a night out with a Swiss guy and a Canadian girl - until they took a shine to each other and started having a 5 set marathon game of tonsil tennis for three hours leaving me to hold their candle (good saying Anni) and leave Messner to take an unnaturally deep interest in bar fittings and the state of his fingernails.... After that I've been mincing on an easy walk with some super dooper beaches to burn myself on. I have also seen some lovely endangered species while here including a yellow eyed penguin, seals, a kiwi, the yeti, Lord Lucan and a naturally left sided English midfielder..... all just poking arouind in the bushes. Amazing.... So lessons learned in New Zealand: * Don't go on a 10 day hike armed with 23 tins of tuna. They are heavy. * Always go out in at least a foursome. * Try and not look bored in the back of campervans - otherwise it is "Halo - vot is your name?....." Anyway I'm off to Essex.... sorry.... I mean the East coast of Oz tomorrow so will let you know how it is going from there. Off to buy myself a sovereign ring and a So Solid Crew cap to blend in...... Over and out my hearties Messner back on the straight and narrow