Now then kiddywinkles - what next is Messner going to produce from his satchel of banter? He has been marauding around the world for over 20 months now - he is already doing his second lap of honour, his much heralded means seem to be inexhaustible, he is weighed down by the cardboard cut out figure of his fictional girlfriend 'Rosina' that he rolls out for pictures at international beauty spots, and most worryingly of all has started to refer to himself in the third person. Eventually it had to happen though - he has run out of ideas and returned to Nepal. The main objective is the base camp of Everest and the nearby peak of Kala Patthar at a meagre 5,550 metres. Rose worked herself up into a state of self doubt and apprehension after a tear and tantrum ascent of Mount Kinabalu in Borneo the previous week. This culminated in tears and much flailing of arms in a Kathamndu café, the straw that broke the camel's back being a egg with hard yoke (I only like it runny!! - sniff) and a chai without sugar (There's no sugar in it!! - sob, wail). Obviously the worries of the trek were prevalent on her mind but to the innocent bystander (and myself) it looked very much like the most OTT response to an overcooked egg and sugarless cup of tea ever recorded. But we did it. In fact it was me, the old Himalayan goat, that suffered the most. I could often be seen brooding around various foothills popping a volatile cocktail of painkillers being a general grumpy git. The 'egg and chai' response, as it is now known, was completely unnecessary as Rose strode to the top with all the purpose of a .... really purposeful..... person......striding. We got the last window of good weather for the season and generally mixed with all the summiteers as it was peak climbing season - the dream! Anyway, as you know I like to skip the glass eye details and go head first into the bullet points of banter - so without further ado:  (This one is a long one - but stick with it!!) The Scottish lads on the plane to the start of the trek wearing such recognised Himalayan equipment as Glasgow Rangers footy tops, jeans and ice white K Swiss trainers. They also had 3 litres of vodka each, orange juice for mixers and most importantly 8 packs of after eight mints as a reward for a hard day on the trail. Ladbrokes had them at 1000 - 1 to reach base camp. On the way back down though we saw them - they were about 5 days behind us (and we were going slow) and explained that the average evening for them entailed getting a lather on and going - and I quote - "for a night time run around". When we returned to Kathmandu we met some guys who did the trek 2 days behind us and asked had they met the legendary Scottish lads. They had indeed and in fact the same day we had seen them our friends from North of the border had apparently gone out for their customary 'night time run around' on the Khumbu glacier at 5000 metres. The fog had come in and one had got lost at 2am. The guide - who must have been dying to get shut of these halfwits forged out into the night and found the lost one about to fall asleep under a rock about 5 minutes from the hut in the snow. But they did it - they make the rag tag at the beginning of this trip look like the military attempt on the West ridge in comparison!  When we got to base camp a helicopter landed. As I snapped away at it with the camera it kept getting closer, and closer and closer. So close in fact I could see the whites of the pilots eyes and started, not unreasonably, to sh1t myself. I started to run backwards in the style of a 7 year old girl making hysterical shrieking noises and looking to see if I was stood on a big 'H'. It landed about 10 metres away - blowing my hat off in the process, dropped off its passengers and did one leaving me stood there bent kneed, shaking and hatless.  Asking a mountaineer who turned round 300 metres from the top the previous year his reasons. "My friend died in my arms" came the succinct reply. Que tumbleweed and a new topic of conversation. And so back to Kathmandu triumphant. A trip to Pokhara and a quick rafting trip finished off proceedings and then it was time for me to post the cardboard cut out to India, and for Messner to get on with the serious business of the world cup in Germany...... Over and Out Mes x