The Train to Beijing and the Chicken feet

April 4th

Now in full blown "traveller" economy mode i chose the 9 hour hard seater train over the 5 hour soft seater in order to save a massive 8 pounds.......

yes it is true, i never thought it possible, and yes it is killing me, but i have to just think of it as a days free beer.

So never having been on a "hard seater" (their name for cheapest) i thought surely it can not be any worse than monarch airlines..........

how wrong i was. the seats are bolt upright with a headrest that is the same height as your soldiers, so it makes you lean forward. The seats are so close together your feet are touching the person opposite, and they are so narrow that if you try and lean back you shove the person next to you half way in to the aisle, which is also a problem as the aisle is full as they sell too many tickets.

so it could have been worse, i could have been stood up for 9 hours.

but worse still, the 2 men sat opposite me that had most of their teeth missing, had bought a bumper bargain pack of chicken feet, and proceeded to suck, slurp crunch and chew and then spit out the
claws every other minute.

As if that was not bad enough, the man next to me had a pot noodle, and slurped it so much, he flicked sauce all over my trousers.

But even worse i had bought a huge bottle of Tsingtao beer with a bottle top. Not having a bottle opener i was not worried as the guy in the hostel could open them with a lighter, and had shown me how to do it before i left.

So with a little cockey nod of my head and a wink to the girls, i pull out afore mentioned beer bottle, toss the lighter in the air to wow my audience at the impossible feat that was about to be displayed. I could feel the train fall silent as the atmosphere electrified with anticipation.

If this was a movie the following scene would have been in slow motion........

as i gripped the bottle, placed the end of the lighter under the lip of the cap, levered it over my knuckle and then hit it nice and hard........

and then watched it fly in the air and nearly take the remaining tooth out of the chiken foot eater. Worse still i nearly broke my knuckle.

I then spent the next 10 minutes trying desperately to hack the top off, bearing in mind i had no elbow room, and was also very hot.

How embarrasing it would be if i could not open it, and now everyone really was looking at me. I could not do the lighter trick as i had hurt my knuckle, so luckily i managed to find some keys in my bag and get it off with those.

So after 9 hours of torture, finally i arrive in Beijing........

Next installment...................Beijing and making love like an African man