Sod The Pandas

Chengdu April 17th-21

Thank goodness, it was my last morning and i did not have to endure my shame on the boat of the Jeremy Clarkson incident.

Typical, i get to the other end of the tour, and it was what i had anticipated at Yichang. This place is crammed with travel agencies and tour boats.

We got kicked off the boat at 7am, so i now had to decide whether to hang around and look for a hostel or catch a bus or train to chengdu. the bus station was right next to the boat terminal, and after the 100th tout had grabbed my arm and tried to sell me a private bus ticket i was getting fed up.

i eventually found the local bus station, went through security, got lost and then eventually found the ticket office and was told that chengdu is private coaches only, and that i needed to go back in to the land of the sharks.

the first one i spoke to, took me to a coach that looked like it would not make it to the end of the street. Now i was getting really fed up, so decided to bite the bullet and go back to the very first tour office and swallowed my pride.

as it happpened, yes it was pricey, but it was only 2 quid more than the chicken truck, plus it was a luxury sleeper, plus they let me use their phone and looked after my rucksack.

By 1 o clock i was in the land of the panda.

Because i had no phone or internet, i managed to get hold of jonnie norman and he booked a hostel for me, so i was wandering what it was going to be like.

wow what a place. 2 quid a night and it is really really nice. it has a bar, snooker table, sun terraces, bar terraces, gardens, a travel agency, movie room with about a 1000 movies, wireless, internet cafe etc etc.

well done jonnie.

after weeks of just moving, and booking and planning and rushing around, i have decided to do nothing for a few days. No tours, no day trips no nothing.

Not sure what is going on, but could not access hotmail or facebook and many other websites, so i am a bit shut off from the world outside.

Looks like the Chinese Government is not happy with these and is doing some fiddling as usual.

Managed to upload some pictures, so there was at least some evidence that i am alive.

Bumped in to a guy i had met in Beijing, so had a few beers with him. He was off to a Hemp Bar that he had discovered a couple of nights before, but seeing as i was absolutely cream crackered and also that cannabis does not agree with me, i decided i had made a fool of myself too much already and decided to go watch lost in translation instead.

yes i know it is a chick flick, but, there is a method in my madness Jonnie Norman, as all the girls i have met so far have mentioned it, so i figured it would help me in the leg over department.

I was getting paranoid as to if there would be a repeat of the Jeremy Clarkson, as this time, there were 8 people in my dorm. So i made sure the ipod stayed locked away, and that i got battered enough to fall straight to sleep and not dwell on it.

Next night i decided to get an early night, but a couple of girls came in to the room drunk at 1am and woke me up, and i could not get back to sleep. Plus, one of the neighbours has decided it is a good idea to chain their dog up and let it bark constantly. And i mean constantly.

On top of that someone got up at 7am and started to pack, and there was much rustling of plastic bags, until they finally cleared off, and then the lads next to me got up at 8.

So i just gave up and got up and went and had a nice english breakfast and wasted money sat on the internet waiting for pages to load that never did.

So anyway, where was i?

oh yes, Chengdu, the home of the Panda.


I had come to Chengdu in order to go north and visit the mountains and country park, but it was a 4 day bus tour, and the country park was not guaranteed to be open, and you would only find out once you got there.

So i thought sod it. There is also the world famous panda reserve just an hour away which is really popular (with the girls), so luckily i did not have a bird in tow, so i thought sod that as well. It is not as if i have not seen a panda before.

So i spent the whole day doing nothing, and doing my best not to feel guilty about it, and worrying that i should be cracking on, as the money clock was already ticking way too fast, and cliffy was handing the porsche back in july, and what would i do for a job, and where will i live etc etc. and john mcgarry will have a breakdown if he cant show off in it, and will beg me to move in with him, and will shower me with watches and my own versace bed sheets.

next day i got my finger out and booked a train to Kunming and sorted out where i was staying, and also opened another email account as hotmail and facebook were still down.

Kev, the hippie, was raving about the hemp bar, and i had also met matt and lynn, a couple, who were on honeymoon and were wanting to go out, so it was agreed we would all go out that night and party.

well, a load of us arrived at this hemp bar and it was just as we suspected, full of a load of hippies and all a bit far out man. Have you ever seen a 5 foot chinese man with a big affro? it was hilarious.

Matt, who is a cross between al murray and harry hill, was in to the dead kennedys and the sex pistols, so when the chinese john lennon look alike started getting out his sitar we decided it was time to go, and i decided to get a migraine.

So we just headed out to the beer garden which is where all the smoking takes place.

So there we were with kev the hippie laughing at anything that moved saying far out man, another lad from the hostel that was so stoned he just sat there staring in to space, and me moaning about my headache.

Then another hippie turned up, who specialised as a rasta music DJ (he was white and from cornwall) and sat with us that had the worst B.O. i have smelled ever, so it was not what i called a party, but to round off the evening...............

next installment...........................the george michael incident.