'Las Vegas with free food'.

Macau 9-10 March

Well don't worry about paying for food, nearly every shop is giving away free samples of pork jerky, almond biscuits, peanut candy etc etc.

all you have to do is walk from the Largo square up to the museum and you are feeling sick from all the freebies. that is, if like me you eat them all.

they do a hot egg custard tart here which is to die for, and the biscuits and nut brittle is the best i have ever tasted, my nana would have loved it and would have had what we used to say a "nut fit" (family joke)

bizarre that you are 1 hour from hong kong, sort of in china, and yet everything is Portuguese (due to them taking over in the 16th century).

there you go, a bit of history thrown in.

the island is really small, and i have walked around half of it to see the old lighthouse, and the museum, and the casinos etc.

weather was perfect so it was a nice walk.

the casinos are awesome, and the new Grand Lisboa gives the Burj Al Arab a run for it's money. It is huge with even a cabaret show in the middle of one of the gaming floors. I am amazed they let me in, as i only have trainers and combats for "going out" gear.

Us "travellers" have to live a simple life when it comes to our wardrobe.......far out man.

managed to go without the tattoos, dreadlocks and shell necklace and bracelets thus far, which could explain lack of female travellers wanting to hang out with me. mind you, they all look like they could do with a wash and a wax anyway.

a couple of days was just about right to see everything, unless you want to go see a load of temples and stuff.

my hotel is about 5 doors down from a knocking shop, a shady side street which is a pick up area, and in the heart of the old red light district, either that or i have suddenly turned in to brad pitt, judging by the number of "hello" i have had off a number of women of varying degrees of attractiveness, weight and age. Or perhaps Ted Baker deodourant has the lynx effect over here???? answers on a postcard.

please look at the video clips and photos of my street and answer me what the indiana jones film was that it was allegedly in...............

now jonnie has gone, the comedy moments are sadly few and far between, although i did get my camera out to take some pictures from the balcony of the casino and nearly got thrown out.

The funny thing was that obviously you don't take pictures at all, let alone looking down at all the tables, even i know that, but i do not have a watch and the camera has a clock on it, so i was only switching it on to see what time it was. Try explaining that though. I thought they were going to confiscate it or take me in to a room like on oceans 11 (or was it 12) and beat me up.

Don't worry though, i was only joking about trying to win all my money back at the casinos, that would be like buying a load of shares in retailers at the start of a recession.........in order to try and finance your trip.....as if i am that stupid.............??

Anyway, at one point i had a sudden urge to put all my chips on 24, which is my lucky number, and i bottled it and only put one chip down....guess what.......i would have won £1500.

Still managed to triple my money before i got hammered and lost it all. If you want to pick up a girl just go to "sands" casino and take a seat at the bar in front of the stage.

Top tip....tell them you just won and not lost all your money though....haha

Hardly any europeans here at all, most of the tourists are from hong kong and china, and it goes mental on a weekend, as you can see from the piccies.

despite the gorgeous weather and the wonderful streets there is a distinct lack of outside boozing, which is a shame as it would be perfect, but again like i said there is a lack of europeans so maybe the chinese are not into it like us.

tomorrow i get the jet boat back to hong kong then a 20hr train ride to shanghai..yes i realize all to late i could have taken a 10 minute bus ride to the mainland and caught the train from there, but you live and learn.

mother and father, i have tried calling you, but the "no problem, work anywhere" sim card i bought from mr Singh in the Chung King mansions has managed to dissappoint...... surprisingly.....just like the "ohh, very nice lamb kebab for you sir, i killed the lamb only 5 minutes ago"

well i am now well and truly hammered on fosters draught sitting in the sun, so might go pay the Brad Pitt fans a visit with a bag full of Charlie perfume.......?

next installment........ andy bright aka jackie chan in shanghai nights........