TRUCKER STALKER!!!!
Current mood: stalked

OMG!!!! I GOT ME A REAL LIFE STALKER!!! AND HE'S A TRUCKER!!!!

Oh yeah....that's right kids...only me....only I can get a freakin' stalker driving through Wyoming and Nebraska!!!

Day 2 - Monday - Wyoming & Nebraska. Yes, I only made it through 2 states today but holy s*** people - they're freaking HUGE states!!! 792 miles I did today!!! And they're as BORING as my lecture on "Ethics & Integrity"!!!! Yes...that's right...that's exactly how boring they are!!!

Thankfully, I had 3 iPods to get me through the battle of the wheat fields. Why does someone need 3 iPods you ask? Well, let me tell you why. My first iPod - the 20GB U2 special edition - was a gift given to me by my friends before I left for Iraq back in 2005. I will never part with that iPod - it will go to my grave with me because that iPod and I have been to hell & back. Including, but not limited to, a war zone (Baghdad), a C-130 military aircraft (from Kuwait to Baghdad & back), a vacation to South Africa (where it almost fell off the side of the boat going to Robben Island - that's the prison where Nelson Mandela was in for 25 years in Capetown), a divorce (to ex-husband 2) and a whole slew of other things. Now, the battery on that iPod might only last for about 6 hours or so (it started with a 12 hour battery life when I got it), but it's a tough cookie & it's here to stay. It even survived several bombings and being thrown at ex-husband 2 because he was being an idiot. My second iPod I bought last year - the shuffle. No reason...I just wanted it....I liked the idea of cute tiny little clip thing that I could take with me & would be almost invisible. And iPod 3 I acquired recently - free of charge - because I bought a new laptop. Yes, the iPod Touch - oh happy joy - I LOVE THIS IPOD!!!!

O.K. enough of my iPod stories - back to the fiasco that followed.

So, where was I? Oh yes, on the road from Coalville to wherever. I was determined to get through Wyoming & Nebraska - and damn it I came REALLY close. But, I was not bested by Nebraska - it did not beat me. As I was saying, Wyoming was PRETTY damn boring.....until I got to this town called Green River. And then I thought to myself for a second if that was the same Green River as the serial killer & I got all excited for a split second - and then I realized that THE Green River serial killer was actually just outside of Seattle - so I got all sad & disappointed again. :(

Now, if any of you have ever had the misfortune of driving along some of these interstates out in the middle of nowhere, you'll notice that there are A LOT of semi's out there - you know those big 18 wheelers. And they DO NOT respect the road or your sorry little ass. They will crunch you like a 450 lb man sitting on his bag of Doritos & they won't even bat an eyelash at you. I was doing between 75-85 mph the entire way and THEY were passing ME!!! WTF?????

So, as I'm driving along - somewhere in Wyoming there's about 4 or 5 of these trucks & about 3 or 4 cars that are all pacing each other & we're kind of playing leap-frog. One is overtaking the other & back & forth we go. But there's one truck in particular that keeps jumping in front of me & then I pass him & he passes me again & we do this little song & dance for several hundred miles. At one point, this blue Kenworth truck - which we'll call Ken from now on because I don't know the drivers name - decides to wave at me as I overtake him. He then loops around me & overtakes me & waves again so I thought I would be friendly & wave back. O.K. so picture this now happening pretty much the majority of the way through Wyoming. At one point there was a section at the eastern edge of Wyoming almost into Nebraska where there are several very steep hills to drive up. Trucks, especially ones carrying a heavy load - are not able to climb those steep roads very easily & they have down shift & slow down...blah blah blah. So, I see an opportunity to get the hell out of dodge & get away from this trucker guy. I bolt through the hills & he's dust in my rearview mirror.

Now, at this point I'm going like a bat out of hell. I'm doing about 85mph and "Ken" is long gone behind me still trying to get up the hills. About 15 minutes later as I'm trudging along through the boring, lifeless wheatfields of Wyoming & Nebraska, I see a speck of blue & silver in my rearview. And it's getting bigger & closer. About two minutes later - it's coming up behind me!!! WTF???? It's "Ken" - how in the world is that possible?????? The guy was history back there. If I'm doing 85 & he had to slow down to 50 to make it up the hills & he's caught up to me in only 15 minutes - how freaking fast was he going??? Who cares - I need to lose him again. Luckily I needed to refuel so I started to pull off to hit a gas station & who should follow me off???? Oh yes, the stalker trucker!!! Now, I don't get scared easily at all - I mean I've been to a war zone & half way around the world several times, been shot at, etc., etc., not much can freak me out. But when you're driving alone through some of these places & all you can here is the "Duelling Banjos" song from "Deliverance" (LOOK IT UP), then a stalker trucker just kind of seems a bit creepy. Considering what I do for a living, this was screaming "headline news".

I get out of my truck to fill up & I see him pull off in the back where all the trucks go. I figure that I can get fuelled up & gone before he even gets out of his truck. But oh was I ever wrong??? OH HECK YA!!! Here I am, at the pump, looking around to see if he's going to come creeping up behind me - not that I know what he looks like because I couldn't see him inside the truck cab. I fill up & run inside to use the facilities & who should be standing in the snack section with a big old mug of coffee in his hands??? STALKER TRUCKER!!!! He says "hey there....how are you? Finally, you stopped". I'm thinking "HOLY s***"!!!! He's chatting me up, telling me all kinds of crazy things, asking me where I'm coming from & where I'm going to. He's telling me he's going up to Wisconsin & blah blah blah.

Then he drops a bombshell and says......"So, where are you staying tonight?" Oh the expression on my face was probably priceless. I had to actually look around & see if I was on Candid Camera or something. I couldn't believe this random guy was asking me where I was planning ..ping for the night. WTF DUDE???? I of course said I didn't know. Then he said "well, we could ride together if you like?". At this point I was thoroughly confused. Apparently what he meant was that we could follow each other across Nebraska. YEAH...RIGHT....LET ME GET RIGHT ON THAT!!! I of course said I didn't know what I would be doing & since I was making really good time I was thinking of doing some sight-seeing. Yeah...in the state I HATE where there's nothing but open empty fields I'm going to sightsee just to get a crazy assed stalker trucker off my back. Welcome to my hell everyone!!! I tried to end the conversation by saying "I need to get some food & use the facilities so I'll see you out there on the Interstate I'm sure....bye". And ran to the bathroom. I waited inside the store for about 10 minutes or so thinking that was enough time to get rid of him & went back to my truck.

As I was pulling out of the gas station, who should be pulling out from the other side of parking lot????? STALKER!!! Now, I'm freaking out. I fly onto the freeway & I'm going at breakneck speeds trying to get rid of this guy but I can't because he's relentless & just keeps on coming. I'm trying to shake him but no luck. This is going on for about 100 miles now. I finally decide to slow down & let him pass me in the hopes that I'll just slow down enough & he'll take off. As I slow down he comes up beside me in the left lane & as he's driving past me I see something in the window that just about killed me!!!

Wait for it....

Wait....

"HOW ABOUT DINNER, MY TREAT"

On a yellow piece of paper - taped to the passenger side window. HOLY FREAKAZOID STALKER MAN!!!!

I slammed on my breaks - and luckily there was a rest area right there. I pulled off got out of my truck & stood there looking at the road watching him drive away. I actually waited for about 20 minutes before getting back on the road again just in case he was crazy enough to loop around & come back to kidnap me & turn me into a hood ornament.

After that, the rest of the trek through Nebraska was pretty uneventful. I had a few hours of daylight left & I finally decided to stop for the night in a place called York - near the eastern border of Nebraska. I was only about 100 miles from getting the hell out of there but it was late & I was tired so I needed sleep. York is another small po-dunk town in middle America. I think this was 6297 po-dunk town. It's one main road that runs for about 2 miles & has every motel, gas station & WalMart type store known to man. Of course I ran through almost all of the motels - even the trusty Super 8 - but no luck. It looked like something that was forgotten in a ghost town - a heap of crappy rubble & creepy looking rooms. No thank you. I almost gave up & went to the Holiday Inn for an overpriced & smelly 4 walled box, when I happily came across the Days Inn - for the bargain price of $50 including breakfast!!! YAY!!! And they had Wi-fi too - YAY AGAIN!!! Mind you, the whole time I'm looking out for stalker trucker & luckily I didn't see him.

So, that's where that particular segment of my saga ends. A pleasant little room in a clean & quiet hotel in po-dunk town 6297.

On to the next one.....