Woke to the feeling of one Bintang too many the night before. We had a trip booked to see some paddy fields, temples and a volcano. Putu (I called him Bootoo by accident) arrived at 930 and off we went North of Ubud. I remarked to him that everyone in Bali smiles. He replied "Smile on the outside even if sad on the inside" without a smile.

The paddy field scenery was fascinating - apparently little changed since 11th century. We stopped at the top of a valley where a picture-postcard scene of paddy field terraces had been cut into the hill sides. Every available space was being used productively. The paths between the terraces were immaculate - the grass was cut for animal feed. Even the eels living in the wetlands were caught at night and eaten.

The tour moved on through anendless street selling carvings, mosaic bowls and mirrors and textiles. Classic Camden Market stock. We stopped for a coffee on the rim of a huge volcano crater (last big eruption 1916). There was lush vegetation inside the crater except on the black larva slopes of the secondary caldera in the centre, which itself sported 3 craters (one steaming a bit).

Visited a temple which looked old, but Putu explained that little survived more than 20 years in Bali due to rain, wind and humidity, so it was all built recently. We had to wear sarongs or we wouldn't be allowed in - fortunately he had some clobber for as I'd converted mine into dusters after David Beckham wore one. Holy water emerged from pipes into a series of pools. Up a flight of steps was the Temple - far from ornate, but moving all the same. Putu gave us a guided tour, explaining what the various shelters were for and where the deities were placed during a ceremony.

Moved on to lunch - a traditional Balinese dish: Babi Guling - adult pig filled with herbs and spices and spit roast. Rp25,000 (about GBP1.70) bought a delicious plate of pork and rice. The whole pig was used productively and Putu kindly explained which bits of the dish were fat, skin, intestine, blood sausage and chilies. Strangely, I found myself eating double portions of those as Annelise's plate suddenly seemed quite empty…..I rated it as the most tasty meal so far in Bali.

Butu dropped Annelise off in Ubud and then took me to the Botanical Gardens. Before heading out to the gardens I whipped 250 grand out of my wallet and gave it to Annelise with a "Go and treat yourself to something nice, Babe" (equiv to 16 quid!). My guess was she'd head back to Shangri La spa……

The Gardens - recommended by the LP - were a couple of km from where we were staying. I wandered off along the trail and soon concluded that all the skilled horticulturalists are busy keeping the paddy fields looking immaculate. However the unkempt state of the gardens had real charm, and a bucket load more soul than the clinically manicured exhibitions back home. Looked like I had the place to myself……

I followed the signs to Helica Hill - past some helicas put to shame by the average Ubud hotel garden - and along a muddy path with dense vegetation either side. This descended into the meditation garden. Now this was a gem of a place, nestled at the foot of a sheer overgrown cliff. Statues of Vishnu. Shiva, Brahma and Ganesha were positioned by the wall, adorned with faded celebration robes, offerings at their feet and some almost hidden amongst the ferns. I slouched in a sofa sculpted from tree roots and had myself a spiritual moment.

Moved on to the orchids which were world class and great to see outside a glass house. At this point I heard a strange animal like sound. I couldn't work out if it was a bird, beast or boy being beaten. Curiosity got the better of me so I followed the tour to the Maze. Certainly no ball of string required here, and on exiting it I came face to face with a scrawny goat like creature with the most unfeasibly long ears.

Continued along the path to the Islamic Garden. The sign boasted a square pond surrounding a symmetrical pattern, based around the number 4, with aromatic borders and a water feature as the central piece. I can only speculate that following the terrorist atrocities, the gardeners have boycotted this exhibit.

The conditions were pant-sweatingly humid and by the end I was happy to pay 20k to sit on the back of a scooter and be dropped home…..

Collected Annelise from the Shangri La spa, fresh from her pedicure -sadly the heat made the varnish very splodgy, hardly Mayfair salon standard, but for a fiver who's complaining - and headed off for a refreshing milkshake on a terrace overlooking paddy field…..every scrap of land was productive.

Ticket and accommodation booked for Lombok tomorrow….can't wait!