Krabi: “Don't say vinegar, say Sarsons”

We have found it harder to keep up with the blog this time around. Because the kids are older and can stay up later, we have stayed up most nights until midnight or beyond. The fact that Louis can tell the time now is also not helping. It has been lovely staying out with the kids and it has meant that we can go to many more places but we used to be able to put them to bed whenever it suited us or whenever we had had enough. “Oh, yes, it’s bedtime now kids. I know the sun is still shining but that is just the way it is here!” Now he can tell the time there is no fooling him and he even huffs if it is before midnight! Instead of staying up and sipping beer whilst writing a blog, we all end up getting back late and going to bed. Krabi has been a bit different but I will tell you about that later. The kids are writing their own diaries too in books they bought in Bangkok and this takes up some of our time helping them when one of us would usually be typing. We are going to copy their diaries and send them by email for the family to read and send a copy to their old schools. I am hoping to send the first instalment when I upload this blog.

We flew from Bangkok to Krabi, which took about 45 minutes. The alternative option is to go by coach or bus. The flights cost just under fifty pounds each and the coach journey costs about five to ten pounds but the difference in travelling time makes it worth the extra cost for the flights. Krabi has several beach resorts but we chose Ao Nang because it is reported to be popular with families and couples in the Lonely Planet guide book “South East Asia on a shoestring” that Joanne bought us. We found ourselves an information point and booked into a place called Mee Mee Bungalows about 200 metres from the beach. 200 metres is only a 2 minute walk to the beach carrying a towel and bucket and spade, but dragging suitcases up hill and over several high kerbs it seemed a lot further. We arrived at our bungalow sweaty and in need of a drink. It seems more expensive here than Bangkok and even more than Koh Samui last time. Although it is low season things still seem to cost a lot by Thailand standards. I don’t know if the locals are trying to make a last buck before people stop coming or whether they just see our still pasty complexions and assume we have just landed in Thailand so do not know how much things should cost. A bit of bartering soon let them know we weren’t going to be taken for mugs. Maybe once we get a little more tanned people will stop trying it on!

We headed for the beach, buying some beach toys first (at a “special” price). We took Gran Thelma’s advice and took the baby buggy with us. She reminded us how useful it had been on our last trip around the world and told us we could always throw it away if we didn’t use it. Since our trip began we have used it to carry bags in, to and from the airport and now it was being used to cart the beach stuff. It has been round the world and covered many miles often carrying 30 kilos of luggage and one child. We really cannot praise Mr. Maclaren enough. Gill thought his first name was Malcolm. As I am writing this and laughing, she is still convinced Malcolm Maclaren invented the folding buggy. He probably fitted this in around managing The Sex Pistols and Adam and the Ants! The kids have never sat in it during this trip! The beach was really picturesque but the waves were a bit choppy for the kids that afternoon. I went into the waves with them and they had a great time jumping in the crashing waves. Later, whilst Gill had a sunbathe, I took the kids for a walk down the beach and when we got there we found a swing and a winding path up the mountain. The kids really wanted to have a look up it, so against my better judgement we started walking up with nothing on our feet. The path was built out of planks of varying widths and distances apart. We passed a couple from Newcastle coming the other way and they told us that it led around the edge of the cliff to a secluded hotel in a private bay. Apparently the only way to and from the place was via this winding path, which takes about 15 minutes of hard uphill walking, or a taxi boat. We walked for about 15 minutes and were still going upwards with no sign of a bay, so I don’t know how fast the couple were walking. Daisy was starting to get tired and the thought of walking all the way back was starting to look unappealing and we were getting bitten by mosquitoes so we decided to turn back. I am sure that hotel looked fantastic and romantic in the brochure but I wouldn’t fancy making that journey back to bed at 1am after a few Changs. It makes the hike home from the Paradox dodging traffic, fights and flying bottles seem like a stroll. When we got back Gill had been flapping, wondering where we had been for the last hour and a half. I think she thought we had been swept out to sea.

Later that evening we had tea at a Thai / Italian place on the beach, where Gill had vegetables in oyster sauce to satisfy her craving for a big plate of veg. We had pizzas. We noticed that they did all day breakfast. We usually need an all day breakfast as we have rarely been up before 11am. Next morning (middayish) we walked along the beach and went back to the Thai / Italian place for the promised breakfast. It took every member of staff and about 15 minutes of sign language and translation to order two pieces of toast each. When it came, our sign language for “toasted bread” had obviously been translated into “slices of bread placed on a radiator for 10 seconds”. Some more confusing hand gestures and 5 members of staff later, they took the bread away and put our slices of bread in the wood fired pizza oven! The entire restaurant staff stood round and watched whilst the chef created “smoky charred pizza toast” complete with blobs of melted cheese and tomato sauce stuck on the bottom from the bottom of the oven. He then proudly placed them on our table with butter and jam. By this time we were so starving that we wolfed it all down. This will, I am sure lead this man to believe that he did a great job, so should anyone ever ask for toast again, smoky charred pizza toast is what they will get. Apart from this place, most of our food on the trip has been gorgeous. All of the Thai food we have eaten has been so fresh. The salad and vegetables have been really nice and you can tell everything has only just been cooked. We have had some gorgeous Indian food since we left too. We are trying to get as much of it as we can because we know that the two closest Indian restaurants to us in Papamoa are only average quality.

When we met the couple from Newcastle on the winding path up the mountain, she told us that she had been stung by a jellyfish in her secluded bay (probably not mentioned in the brochure either) and so had another girl. I decided to find out what the best steps to take if stung by a jellyfish should it happen to one of us. If I ever want to find out anything, I usually start by asking my dad. First of all because he knows a lot of (mostly useful) stuff, but also because he is usually in close proximity to Google and can therefore fill in any gaps in his knowledge. Unfortunately, this time dad was on an island called Scalpay somewhere in the Hebrides. I think it is in the Hebrides, it is off the coast of Scotland and wherever it is left him far away from Google and it turns out he knows little about jellyfish sting remedies.

I had heard that vinegar was good for stings and quite unbelievably I found a bottle of Sarsons in the local supermarket so I bought it. I had also heard that urine was another remedy but have always wondered about the logistics behind doing it. I sometimes find it hard to go if someone else is standing at the next urinal so how someone can do it on a busy beach full of onlookers while someone is thrashing around screaming I cannot imagine. I had not yet found the aforementioned Sarsons when I was thinking about the logistics of doing it on the beach so I opted for the more logical (but disgusting) option of going to the toilet and filling a water bottle with my own “Sarsons”. I didn’t tell anyone about this. I couldn’t tell the kids and I thought Gill might use it as grounds for divorce. I found the Sarsons in the supermarket later but “my Sarsons” was already stashed at the bottom of the buggy.

Armed with two mythical jellyfish remedies and no idea of whether either worked we headed for the beach. As it happened we were going to need them. After only about 15 minutes in the water I felt an all too familiar “ACDO Arse” feeling. That prickly feeling that I got in Koh Samui when it felt like my undies had been washed in ACDO biological and not rinsed properly. Suddenly Louis screamed and grabbed around my neck, hoisting his feet out of the water and I knew exactly what had happened. Daisy started screaming too and I could feel painful stinging on my right foot. I scooped the kids out of the water and legged it to the beach with both of them still screaming. It turned out that Daisy was just screaming because she was frightened by Louis but Louis had been stung on his foot. I immediately grabbed for the Sarsons (supermarket brand). Damn the shrink wrapping and security seal! I could not open it with my finger nails or teeth so I threw it to Gill and grabbed the “home brand” Sarsons and poured it onto his foot. Yes, disgusting but Louis wasn’t complaining. Perhaps that is because he didn’t know what it was, and never will. I might have to take that one to the grave. While Gill was still opening the supermarket Sarsons I poured on some chilled bottled water and then some of Gills Sarsons. Not “Gill’s Sarsons”, I mean the supermarket one that Gill was opening. These euphemisms are getting quite confusing. Louis had stopped screaming and the gross reality of what I had done seemed justified. A local lady came over, hearing the kerfuffle and asked us for a plastic bag. I gave her the one that the Sarsons had come in (a good job I bought it) and she put a handful of “Pat Boung” leaves in with some water and mushed them up into a green oily paste before pressing it onto Louis’ foot. She noticed I had stings on my foot too and put some on mine as well. I must admit it helped a lot. Having not tried the Sarsons (supermarket or home brand) I cannot judge which worked the best but all I know is that both calmed Louis down and had I not bought the Sarsons from the supermarket, we would not have had a plastic bag for the lady (called Sa) to make her potion. Later, Sa asked us over to her beach massage hut and gave the kids a body massage. Loads of people got stung that day and Louis helped a couple of people by mixing up some Pat Boung leaves in a bag for them.

After a shower we went out for something to eat. We found a cracking all you can eat buffet place called Bernies (an authentic Thai name apparently). We loved the idea of charging the children according to their height on a chart. We paid 250 Baht (five pounds), Louis paid 120 and Daisy paid 75. If only they had charged them by their weight or waist size we would have been laughing. I personally think that would be a better idea for the manager. Surely the lighter you are, the less you probably eat. Imagine the idea for all customers. You step on scales as you come in and this decides how much your buffet costs. This would have been great when we were in Florida. I always felt like we were getting a good deal when we ate as much as we could possibly stuff into our faces, until a huge American tourist would come back from the buffet with two plates full of just starters and then do the same for main course and desert-yet we were paying the same price! I reckon they should roll out this idea worldwide for everything – “step on the scales please sir”.....”Sorry you must pay 20%extra obesity tax”.
It could even help sort out the obesity problem. I am surprised the government hasn’t already thought of this one. Every other time something is deemed to be a problem – binge drinking, too many cars on the road, pollution etc. they just make the culprits pay more in an attempt to solve it (whilst raking in some extra taxes). While they are at it, they could use the system to enforce a clothing law – “sorry sir you are too heavy. Put down the skinny rib T shirt and move towards the striped short sleeved shirt. That is NOT muscle. You too maam, put the hotpants down.”

Anyway, the buffet had all kinds of gorgeous Thai food, meats, chicken legs (which Louis ate four of) and even sausage and mashed potato (which Daisy ate a surprisingly large amount of). We stayed for a few drinks and got a tuk tuk back to the bungalow. The tuk tuks here are different to the ones in Bangkok. Instead of purpose built three wheelers like the ones in Bangkok, they are a welded frame side car setup that is bolted to an ordinary 90cc Yamaha.

We did manage to get the kids to bed by 10pm on a couple of nights but instead of staying up and writing the blog on the balcony we opted to watch DVDs that we had bought from the local shop. We watched half a series of 2 and a half men in one night! The bungalows are opposite a 7 eleven, a McDonalds, Subway and Starbucks. The 7 eleven was great for buying beers and snacks for our late night video sit ins. We are not sure how we feel about McDonalds etc being on the Thai high street but I suppose some people take comfort in familiar things and we did take the kids there one evening and they loved it. None of them were busy with customers though. I can remember when we were in China I really enjoyed McDonalds because I had not had bread or potatoes for weeks and they usually form such a major part of the British diet. I will let you know how I feel after another fortnight if I am ordering a McBreakfast, McLunch and McDinner followed by McSupper.

The day before we left Krabi for Koh Phi Phi Don we booked a horse riding trip along the beach. A pick up truck picked us up from our bungalows and Louis wanted to ride in the back like he did when we were in the Cook Islands and the way he had seen many locals doing. I sat in the back with him. The man told Gill it would be good preparation for the horse riding. He wasn’t wrong. A bone crunching 10 minutes later we arrived at the place and spent a few minutes looking at the horses. One was called Diamond, one was called Dollar, One Samai, one Sasai and one Magnum. Daisy had her photo taken with Diamond. “That’s like my Mrs Diamond from Nursery”, she said. Louis was nodding his head up and down in time with Magnum. At first the man thought that Daisy would have to ride up on Gill’s horse and Daisy was bitterly disappointed but when another lady told the man she knew how to ride a horse the man decided that he could hold Louis’ and Daisy’s horse because the woman’s would not need holding. For some reason he had decided from the start that mine wouldn’t need holding either despite me telling him I had never ridden a horse before. In fact I told him a lie, I had ridden on once in Tenby eight years ago but I was hardly the Lone Ranger and was pretty scared by the whole ordeal. In fact I was terrified that if I told him I had ridden before, he would not hold onto my horse either. I have jumped from a plane, from the top of the Auckland Skytower, bungy jumped and all manner of other stupid things but I never understand why people seem to think that riding a horse is normal and safe. To me, the thought of sitting on the back of such a huge and powerful animal that I know nothing about makes me feel a bit sick. Parachute jumps, bungy jumps etc seem safer because you are relying on non animal things like ropes to keep you safe. Animals are unpredictable. I have no way of knowing if the animals are treated well or have bad tempers and I must stop watching “when animals go bad” and start watching “Animals do the funniest things” instead.

The riding was as scary as I anticipated. Not because it suddenly broke off into a gallop but because I kept thinking it was going to. Packs of dogs kept walking around the horses and I kept thinking of all the possible dangerous variables in the equation:

1)Dog bites horse.
2)Horse trips over dog.
3)Horse gets distracted by dog and throws us off.
4)Horse gets stung by jellyfish whilst paddling in the sea and man has no sarsons.
5)Horse gets bitten by a mosquito.
6)Horse goes under overhanging trees, dragging me through the branches (this one actually happened to me and Gill so I was really worried that the others might too.)
7)Horse decides that enough is enough, and after years of ill treatment decides to kill all humans, starting with the one on its back.

Unaware of my concerns, Gill kept leaning over and passing me the camera which meant I had to hold onto the reins with one hand. She then directed me, pointing and telling me where to move to on the horse to get the “perfect photo.” Her horse was really naughty so the guide had to keep hold of it which meant she could let go with two hands and when she had the camera get that “perfect shot!” She said it was actually a combination of skill and balance and nothing to do with the fact that the guide was nearby. Daisy’s horse was also a bit of a handful and kept veering off and doing what it wanted to. This did not phase Daisy in the slightest in fact she loved the unpredictability and was quite put out when she found out that she couldn’t have one in New Zealand!

Gill and the kids had a great time but while Daisy and Louis would have stayed on all day, I think for me and Gill the 50 minutes (he told us it was for an hour) was enough. When we got back to the “ranch” the guide let Louis and Daisy hand feed the horses and I offered the only piece of advice I know in relation to horses “keep your hand flat!” (I think I learnt that from Peter Kay.)

Bye for now. We are going to Koh Phi Phi Don next and have watched the film "The Beach" in preparation on one of our balcony DVD screenings. Google it