Return of the Blog: Bangkok

After a 12 month absence, and a fair amount of requests the blog is back online once again. This time our first destination is steamy Bangkok but it would not be in line with our other blog entries if we simply started in Bangkok. The journey there often created as much of a story as the time spent in most places we visited last time.

Surprisingly, this trip from Manchester went with very little “kerfuffle” at all. Everyone came to see us off as we got a lift to Manchester airport. There were lots of hugs and a few tears as you would expect and many promises to come and visit, and now that it is in writing we expect to see all of the family making the trip at some point in the year.

We set off without a glitch really. No forgotten tickets, no keys still in my pocket that needed leaving behind, no sudden realisation that we had left a car in a pay and display car park for the next few days without a ticket in the window – the kind of stuff we did last time. We had a moment about half an hour before we left when I was looking for Gill’s iPod and it had vanished. We searched everywhere for it in vain. I resorted to including Louis in the hunt and described the iPod to him. Minutes later Daisy (aka the magpie) “found” it on the bed right next to the suitcase. When I asked her where it came from she told me it had always been there, but she had that shifty look in her eye when she is looking at your face to judge your reaction before dispensing the answer cautiously.

We got to the airport, and due to our online check in we were able to skip check in, but still had to weigh our bags in and have our boarding cards and passports checked at the check in desk, so I really don’t see the point of checking in online really. We were in the same queue and it actually seemed to take longer for her to check our home printed documents (which incidentally took ages to do at home) than it would have done to just issue us fresh ones.

We got to Heathrow and took off with absolutely no “kerfuffles” and embarked on the 11 hour cough-a-thon to Bangkok. Now Daisy has had a cough for a while now and it only seems to come on at night. I don’t need to tell anyone who has babysat her recently. With the outbreak of swine flu, people in the airports have stepped up the mass paranoia by wearing surgical masks on check in desks and passport controls. Lots of passengers were also wearing them, probably scared into it by the seeing the staff in the airports. I think it could all be an elaborate con started by the Acme Surgical mask co. Anyway, with all this hysteria surrounding swine flu, you can imagine the kind of looks we were getting as daisy coughed every 10 seconds or so for the entire flight. She got really tired and fed up in the end and just conked out. The worst was passing through bio security control. They had thermal imaging cameras to detect people with a temperature and Daisy was coughing and sneezing as we approached. A few Tangfastics stuffed into her mouth seemed to do the trick and we got through without needing to be put in quarantine or whatever happens to you if you glow red on the camera. We have been giving her Thai Benadryl at night since we got here and it seems to be easing.

Daisy’s enthusiasm, curiosity and over familiarity has become something of a new embarrassment to us on this trip. From pointing out a dreadlocked backpacker’s “pink string wig” to telling the air steward that she would soon be nice and brown like the child on the UNICEF envelope on the plane.

Once we arrived in Bangkok airport we avoided the taxi touts after our last experience of being bundled into a 20 year old Nissan van and headed for the taxi rank. The traffic was terrible and everyone was cutting each other up and suddenly slamming brakes on, changing lanes and generally frightening the life out of us. Not the taxi driver though. He was chatting to us as he drove, turning around to talk to the kids and ask them the usual questions like “what’s your name?” and “How old are you?” He was telling us about his family and how they lived 200km away, presumably in a well learned attempt to get a few more Baht from us at the end of the journey. I would have been more likely to tip him if he had simply kept his eyes on the road and made us feel safe instead of turning around or rummaging in his glovebox for photos whilst swerving through traffic. Eventually arrived at Th Khao San Road alive and checked into our hotel, The Rambuttri Inn where we stayed last time. We like it here because it has triple rooms, air con and a pool on the roof. The fact that it also has an Indian restaurant attached and a cafe serving tea and toast for breakfast is an added bonus.

We have spent most of our time here wandering up and down Th Kao San and Soi Rambuttri relaxing, eating and drinking in bars and on street bars. We took a tuk tuk ride because Louis and Daisy really wanted to go on one. Louis sat up in the front on top of the battery. We mentioned the street bars last time in our blog. The street bars are hastily assembled collections of patio chairs or stools surrounding a little cart, a bit like a hot dog stand, but with a cool box full of drinks, spirits etc and some fairy lights hung up around it. They are great places for people watching but also a place for sellers to keep putting wooden toy frogs into the children’s hands and trying to convince us to buy them. The kids have got used to “no thanyouing” them away now though, occasionally giving in and buying some little toys and things (including wooden frogs) with the money that Grandad JJ and Gran Thelma gave them. They bought some “tattoos”, which are sleeves made out of the same material as tights, but they have tattoo print on them and you wear them on your arms to look like you have tattoos. (Gill is now writing this bit as she is proof reading - We will post them off to you dad so that you too can look like Tim Cahill. AND ACTUALLY it was Mike who wanted to buy the tattoos not just the kids.) Daisy wore them on her legs as they were too baggy for her arms. They looked really funny when she tucked them under her feet like old lady American tan tights with a funky pattern. Louis is a ruthless barterer and has the vendors in stitches with his cheeky offers. I don’t really like to see the young children out selling stuff late at night but I suppose it is a different way of life here and they always enjoy talking to Louis and Daisy. One boy called “Beer” spent about half an hour drawing with Daisy and doing little magic tricks, whilst constantly checking over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching him. He was such a nice kid, with a brilliant way with adults and children. The next night we saw him breakdancing with his mates outside a stall that was selling music CDs. They didn’t even have their own stereo and had to make do with whatever music was already blasting out. They got a great crowd though and it looked like they collected quite a bit of money, whilst enjoying themselves too, so good on him. Although he was working it was nice to see them just being kids. He came over to see Louis and Daisy again and did a few more tricks with a bangle and some string necklace that she had bought. We had seen the exact same tricks performed by the security guard in the hotel the night before so it must be the Thai equivalent of the “got your nose”, “coin from your ear” or “taking the thumb off” tricks. Whilst I am on the subject of the security guard, he always makes an effort to talk to the kids as we leave or enter the hotel and the kids always go over to see him. One night he was asleep on his chair with an iPod on (doing a good job!) when we walked in. The kids ran past and around the corner to the lift. As we followed we could hear them sniggering and plotting to hide from us when we got round the corner. We decided to teach them a lesson that whilst it was very safe here, it is not good to hide from us. So we got round the corner and said loudly so they could both hear, “Where are Louis and Daisy? I thought they were here. Let’s go and look for them.” And off we went and walked back around the corner to wait for them to chase after us. We could still hear them sniggering and had to wait a worryingly long length of time before they realised they were alone (well, they thought they were) and came walking around the corner to go after us. We were waiting right on the other side for them. Gill decided to go “RAAARGH” in a Beano style and they both screamed so loud that the security man bolted off his chair and came flying around the corner, literally like a keystone cop skidding round hopping on one leg and his hand on his baton. The kids were still screaming and I had to apologise profusely to the poor security guard who will probably never fall asleep on the job again. Gill was laughing her head off but I felt so embarrassed because the poor man was clearly nearly having a heart attack and the kids were wailing. I felt I had to offer an explanation and was busy doing a Mr Bean style mime of “Gill went RAAARRGH” doing the actions and pointing at Gill.

Generally, we get up around midday (ish) and have a wander after breakfast, then spend the afternoon / evening in the pool when it is most hot and sticky. The kids are having a whale of a time by the pool. Daisy has learned how to bomb although she doesn’t seem to have learned how to close her mouth or hold her breath so comes up spluttering every time. This doesn’t deter her though. Louis made a slide out of the lounger soaked in water and the kids were sliding along it into the pool as well as jumping off it. Check out the picture that Gill took of Louis. It looks like he is skating on water! It is a good job there are two pools at the hotel so that anyone who gets fed up with Daisy’s whooping and shouting or Louis’ drenching of their reading material with his bombs can go to the other one. He seems to have a radar for anyone who does not really like kids, and then spends his time invading their personal space and testing their politeness. Look how empty the pool is on one of the photos. I bet the second pool is packed!

The kids are still centre of attention when we are walking down the streets, especially with the waitresses and girls standing outside shops and massage parlours. We went for a foot massage the other day and the cooing and excitement from the women staff was so high pitched it reached a point where only dogs could hear it.

So far the only organised thing we have done is our tour today. Last time we were here we went on the floating market / River Kwai Bridge / Tiger temple tour and really enjoyed it so we did that again today.

It meant getting up at 6:30am which was a first for us but for once we were pretty much on time. OK, the lady from reception had to telephone our room but we were almost ready anyway. The kids watched movies and played games on their PSPs for the journey and the floating market was great because it was nowhere near as busy as last time we went. Daisy bought another bird whistle and Louis bought a gun that fires elastic bands.

After an hour or so there we were taken to “The Cobra Show – The greatest show in Thailand”. We did not do this last time so since it was “the greatest show in Thailand” we thought we should not miss it. When we got there we were greeted by two men carrying a 10 foot python and he said people could have their picture taken with it. Gill offered the children forward, which they accepted with surprising enthusiasm but the men wanted to put the snake on their shoulders and it was much too heavy for them so he pulled Gill forwards as I had the camera and she had made the initial child push. They both lifted the very heavy snake onto her shoulders and Gill screamed the place down, unable to lift it off and run away. It was moving it’s head (Louis later told a German couple over lunch it was “going for his balls”) and shifting it’s weight. The men saw the comedy value in it and left the snake on a little longer. The snake was in no distress though as we found out later that all snakes are deaf. For the other snakes, however it was a different matter and some of the show was a bit distressing. I mentioned this in our last blog. At home we have a different relationship with animals. We mostly have pets and therefore treat them as a member of the family. I imagine farmers treat their sheep and cows etc differently. Here, annoying or hitting an animal, so long as it is not permanently physically injured seems to be accepted. In the same way sticks, chains, hooks and whips are used around working animals, performing animals are treated similarly which is met with quite a lot of surprise and discomfort by most British tourists. Most of the show was entertaining, informative and cruelty free, with the “snake man” doing little more than waving a cloth in front of the snakes to agitate them. He danced with a cobra, which the man told us at least 50 times was “The most dangerous snake in all Thailand” and sparred with 3 jumping snakes that flew at him from all angles. Later on in the show the man told us about the mongoose “the enemy of the cobra” and then unveiled one in a glass box before dropping in a cobra in front of a goggle eyed crowd. Everyone expected a bit of prancing around and learned play fighting but what followed was quite gruesome, resulting in a badly injured cobra. The crowd was silent. I could see that the collection jar at the end “for the upkeep, and to look after our snakes” was going to be quite empty. The man also told us during his informative speech that cobras eat other snakes, before calmly telling us that once the jumping snakes cannot jump so well they feed them to the cobras. “Snake man” caught two of the 3 snakes in his bare hands before catching the third in his mouth, suffering a bitten lip (Ha Ha), but I don’t think the snake was enjoying having its head clamped between the mans teeth either, and I am sure this contributes to a number of jumping snakes “not jumping so well”.

The River Kwai tour we have done before so we didn’t visit the museum. The railway was built by The Japanese using captured PoWs during the second world war and connected Burma and Bangkok to transport military supplies. I tried to explain to Louis how and why so many people had died building the 415km railway that was built in just 16 months – roughly one person per 2 metres of track or one person for every railway sleeper. He understood the basics but could not understand how so many could die or why someone could organise that kind of work. It does seem quite difficult to take in even for an adult and the “one person for every 2 metres” figure really has an effect on you as you walk along even a relatively short length of track. Although there are lots of tourists around, the place is still very quiet. It is strange because it is a beautiful location, but with an underlying eeriness. Louis said that the man in charge or whoever decided to build it was to blame and should have been put in jail.

Near to the bridge we saw a man from the safari park zoo and he had a 3 month old tiger cub called Boo with him, feeding it a bottle. The kids were allowed to stroke it, Daisy was cuddling it rather too tightly for my liking and when Louis was stroking it the man let him hold the cub’s bottle. Louis, having never even fed a baby with a bottle before, was not great at it, and just like when you momentarily take the teat away from a baby it jerks it’s head and makes a grunt or squeak, so did the tiger cub, except 3 month old babies aren’t generally 2 to 3 foot long with big claws. Louis nearly had a heart attack and so did I. Gill had to buy a pair of trousers (nothing to do with tiger feeding fright) and a T shirt for the Tiger temple because apparently you have to cover up your knees and shoulders because it is run by monks. Another scam I think. Our photos of us there last time clearly show Gill wearing short shorts and a vest top. We had been careful not to wear red because we learned last time that if you wear red they don’t let you in unless you buy another colour top because the tigers get confused that you look like a giant piece of meat or something. I thought tigers were colour blind but I wasn’t about to test my vague discovery channel memories. I don’t get to watch it that often now as I am married with two children. I have however, as Gill readily pointed out whilst proof reading, that I do watch lots of other stuff, mainly on Bravo, including “When animals attack” or “Sun, Sea and A&E”, so this was also making me more edgy than one would usually be about sitting next to a tiger. No one was ever mauled by a tiger on Sun Sea and A&E though. Usually just drunken accidents or sunburn but “When animals go bad” is a different story. Thankfully the kids had never watched it. Neither, so it seems had any of the tiger carers.

The Tiger Temple was even better this time.
We all got loads of pictures with the tigers and got to walk one of them on a lead. The tigers were much more perky and awake than when we went last time. Then it was scorching hot and they all pretty much just lazed around but this time quite a few of them, particularly the younger ones were up and about, very alert and jumpy. Have a look at Gill’s face when she is sitting on the rock with the 3 young tigers. I was pretty scared when I was sitting on it as they all kept nipping and hitting each other but when Gill sat on it the were actually jumping on each other play fighting, biting each other and roaring! One of the carers, who had never seen the aforementioned “when animals go nuts” kept winding it up by prodding it and roaring in its face like my Uncle Alan used to do to wind up his dog Max, which incidentally bit him. Once the tiger got fed up with the prodding and roared loudly the lady swiftly moved her away to a bigger, more lazy one who promptly stood up and sprayed Gill’s hand with smelly “scent”.

The thing that bothered us the most though was that there seemed to be an awful lot of rules regarding not talking, no flash photos, no sudden movements, approaching the tiger from the rear left, and all kinds of other rules, yet the staff were all messing around far too much for our liking, kicking each other, shouting etc. more like a bunch of students on holiday than a group of people in charge of a couple of tonnes of killing machines. To top it all, they were all wearing red, no, meat-coloured T shirts. They were deep maroon red and could not have looked more like giant rump steaks if they had tried, so the rule that you must buy a white tiger temple T shirt if you have any red on your top seems even more likely to be a scam to me. When one of the men led Daisy over to sit on a tiger’s back he said “come on, run”. I am sure one of the rules was no running. Although it never said it anywhere, tripping up just as you get behind it and falling onto its backside grabbing it’s tail should probably be avoided too but that is exactly what Daisy AND Louis both did as the man led them towards it, approaching from any old side instead of the back left quarter. Louis got a picture taken with “Billy Bear” from his school sitting on the tiger’s belly and Daisy had her photo taken with her teddy nestled in one tiger’s groin area. When she was sitting there, the tiger flicked its tail and it hit her in the face. Billy Bear is a teddy that the children take home and take photos of it doing various things and then write a diary and bring it into school. I can’t wait to read this edition of his diary. Louis is keeping a diary / blog of some or the things he has done so I am looking forward to reading this account. Hopefully we will be able to scan it and send it in to his old teacher Miss Harrison.

We got back quite late and the kids have been watching more movies whilst I have been writing this blog. It’s been a biggie. On Tuesday we are starting our island hopping. I think we fly to Krabi first, but it could be Phuket, I’m not sure. It changed because you can no longer fly from Phuket to Ko Samui, or Krabi to Ko Samui or something. Anyway, this will be our only entry from Bangkok. See you at the beach!