Crossed the border into Chile and spent 1 night in Punta Arenas followed by 5 nights camping in Torres del Paine in Southern Patagonia. (And yes, I did say 5 nights camping, as in, in a tent!). It was actually great fun and I didn't have any princess moments. The main reason for coming here was for people to do the W trek which is a 40-odd mile trek over 3/4 days. Not really my cup of tea and actually only 7 people ended up doing the whole thing while the rest of us lazed around camp doing more manageable stuff each day.

The first night was the Chickengate Scandal. In a nutshell I got into a debate (I held my calm incredibly well you'll all be surprised to know!) as the Jews (as they have affectionately been named) wanted to swap with my cook group so they could cook chicken curry for the group as they had stupidly bought ingredients to make a hot lunch (bearing in mind that most people were planning to be out all day so needed something easy to transport). I wasn't willing to swap my group's food as that would have meant that we would have been attempting to cook a stirfry for everyone to carry with them on a hike (and how they would carry it is anyone's guess?). I know Viv will be able to relate to all of this. I tried to explain that they needed to be flexible and perhaps they could make something cold with the chicken instead - like a salad or sandwiches. They then ganged up on me and told me that I was the inflexible one and they were sure that the junk that my group had bought could be used for something else. Aaaaargh! Red rag to a bull. We had bought all fresh veg. Anyway, I left it alone (and then snitched to Michael!) and we vowed not to mention the c word again. Well, after I had to repeat the story several times to everyone else in the group. It's always good to know that you're not the 'one' that everyone is moaning about and acttually they're all on your side!

On Tuesday my cook group was on breakfast so we had to be up and boiling the kettle at 7am - ugh! It was stupidly windy and cold and my plan was to get back into bed (well, tent and sleeping bag) as soon as possible. Didn't happen as there was too much going on and we ended up all going in the truck to bid farewell to our intrepid fellow travellers who were off to do the trek. It was blowing an absolute gale so I knew I had made the right decision as carrying yourself in that wind was bad enough but a backpack with all your stuff (and most of them were camping so had tents and stuff aswell!)? No thanks.

In the afternoon, myself, Michelle, Steve, Michael and Gelati all went kayaking. My God, it was extreme kayaking. The water was churning up and most people said that beginners probably shouldn't have been out in those conditions. I was in a kayak with Steve where I think I felt safe enough, except when he would wobble the boat (extreme screaming and shouting from my side) and the gusts of wind hit (extreme swearing and panicking from my side!) and I thought we were going to capsize - hyperthermia here we come! Michelle was sharing with Gelati who looked a bit panicky and kept pressing the wrong pedals so they were all over the place being shouted at by the guide. Being a man (and an Italian one at that!), he kept blaming the controls. Michael was in with the guide who basically told him off throughout the whole trip - he wasn't allowed to paddle, he wasn't allowed to look around at the scenery, he had to sit still and shut up. Anyway, it was a great experience (if a bit hairy) and the scenery was fantastic.

In the evening, Steve and I climbed up the hill at the back of our campsite, plastic cups of wine in hand to watch the sunset over the mountains - beautiful. And then a hearty stew for dinner - yum!

Mice - a slight sidetrack here to tell you about the cute little mice we had in the campsite. NOT! I kept waking up in the night hearing scurrying over the tent and Michelle would just batter the tent and shout at them to b***** off (then instructing me to show them who is boss!). We then realised they'd been in the tent as they gnawed on my babywipes and a plastic bag, they tried to eat Michelle's feminine products, they nibbled on both of our flipflops and then the icing on the cake, they ate a huge hole in my brand new rucksack! Little s***s!

17th March was a very funny day. St Patrick's Day of course. Michelle and I woke up at around 8am and decided we wanted a cup of tea but didn't want to make it ourselves. We started to shout for Steve to come and help us. When there was no response, we yelled for room service, help and even fire but still no reply. Finally, Michelle mustered up the strength to look out of the tent and caught site of Bill, a lovely 57 year old Brit. She told him we had a logistical problem and neither of us could get out of bed without a cup of tea. Bless him, off he popped and brought us tea in bed (tent). He has to keep us both happy as I'm his captain for cooking and Michelle for cleaning. Actually, lately he's been calling us the fuehrers which I thought was a tad harsh. Michelle then got up and made toast which I had in bed (tent) and then Steve made us another cup of tea. I didn't get up til midday - bliss!

The 3 amigos (me, Michelle and Steve) then went for a walk in the afternoon. We were hoping to make it up to a viewpoint but we didn't set off til after 2 and it just got too late. We walked for about 3 hours though before stopping off for a well-deserved hot chocolate and heading back to camp where we entertained the troops!

Michelle took it upon herself to teach us some Irish dancing so in 10 minutes we had perfected a routine, loosely based on Riverdance. Michelle and I were the bonnie lassies whilst Steve played the stag. I'll upload the video when I get a minute as it's pretty funny (but very well coordinated given that that was only our 2nd attempt!). We performed it in the evening (after a glass of wine or 2!) to a great reception! Bill introduced us as the Dragoman Dancers performing Riverprance! Perhaps this is my calling!

The following day we had decided to do the last part of the trek so Miichelle, Steve and I got dropped off at the bus to the hostel at the start of the track. We checked into our hostel and then decided to head to the nearby fancy hotel as it had a spa. GBP30 for a 30 minute Jacuzzi....er, think not! The nightly rate for the hotel (all inclusive but still) was USD2,000. It was nice but it wasn't that nice! We then bumped into Mandy and Vicky who had been doing the whole trek and spent the rest of the afternoon lying on the grass with wine and cheese. How very civilised! On Friday morning we set off at 6.30am at a cracking pace set by Vicky. It was really tough and I was struggling to keep up (really need to work on the fitness in time for Macchu Pichu). Towards the top (when I was losing the will to live!), the terrain was full of boulders. The burn and the pain! Made it up to the top though where the 3 towers are and it was a pretty amazing view. The sky was clear cornflower blue. Sat on a big rock and had lunch (with a drop or two of wine for the road as a celebratory drink) and then we headed down. Got to the bottom and bumped into all the other boys. Steve was clearly oestregen'ed out having spent the day with 4 women and the boys were clearly too full of testosterone having spent 4 days with no female company so there was a lot of banter back at base. Was very proud of myself as the trek was a real challenge and I did it!!

The truck came to collect us with a welcome committee of the rest of the group and we headed back to camp for a BBQ. I had a very funny experience with Ruud, one of the Dutch guys. He came over to offer ne some fruit after dinner and lost a bit of his English so his first offer came out like "Can I enjoy you with a plum?" at which everyone burst out laughing. He then rephrased it to "Can I make you happy with a plum?" Hilarious.