Day 252

We're back in Bangkok. Not too sad to have left Vietnam but I hope I will come back one day and give it another chance. Another unfortunate four hour bus journey from Mui Ne to Ho Chi Minh which turned into seven. After two boring hours the bus broke down. It was packed with young American backpackers who seemed to take the news that the bus now had four flat tyres in their stride. Gone are my days of being laid back about travel delays and setbacks. They all just loll about, chillin' out, smokin', grinnin' and chattin' bout stuff. I was fuming, tutting, complaining to nobody in particular and bickering with my family. One of the nice backpacker girls came over to me a few hours into our roadside unscheduled stop and whispered 'do you have any toilet roll?'. I was thrilled to be asked - she obviously decided I had a nice, approachable face. And then I realised - no, she had deduced that as I had children and was clearly fuming, I was old, sensible, mature, well-prepared and generally dull as s***. I was exactly the kind of woman she could presume would have toilet roll in her bag. I felt like saying 'actually the only things in my bag are tequila minatures, lip gloss and a change of pants in case my night perks up'. In reality, I handed her my non-scented wet wipes along with some sucky sweets in case she got travel sick.

Got to the airport with time to spare and checked in. Told by customs we had the wrong immigration forms - mild panic. Spent our last cash on Bountys in the Duty Free. Covered my face in Creme de la Mer and sprayed every perfume in the shop. Looked way better. Got on plane. Got off plane. Left huge bag of Bountys on plane by accident. Shouted at someone. Got to apartment - cheap and nasty but with an Olympic size swimming pool and bunkbeds for the girls. It'll do.

Am thoroughly enjoying just wandering around Bangkok. It's a wonderful mix of things and I love looking at the shops, the food and the people - both local and tourist. Brilliant bookshops which can pass whole afternoons, and plenty of cinemas. Took the girls to see The King's Speech and surprisingly, I wept at the end. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit emotional but it is a great love story and I always find it really sad that the main characters are of course dead and can never know of this wonderful depiction of their relationship. Also wandered about the fish market where I saw a snake make a slither for it out of a tank and down the street. I screamed my head off, much to the amusement of everyone else. Rufus was keen to point out it was actually an eel (this being a FISH market) but I didn't believe it at all. It was long, slimy and slithered. Nuff said. Of course Thailand in general is famous for its cosmetic surgery (see earlier section of gender reassignment), so I decided to casually enquire about Botox. I'm 38 you see, and I have a vertical wrinkle on my forehead that looks like my dad dug it. It has got worse over the past few years and I have always toyed with the idea of having it 'done'. This might be my time and place I thought. And it only costs £40 a crevice. So in I wandered to a clinic and showed the nice lady my forehead. She crossly declared she couldn't see anything. I pulled and pawed and pointed at my face telling her about the gravity of this wrinkle in no uncertain terms. Give me a mirror, I snapped eventually. And then realised even I couldn't find it. And neither could Rufus who usually enjoys pointing it out to me. I don't think you need any Botox, she said, there's nothing we can do for you. Her voice and tone sounded irritated, impatient and insincere. Although obviously I couldn't tell by her face- she is clearly a woman who takes advantage of staff perks. So I walked out, totally triumphant despite being denied the service I went in for. There is no greater anecdote for me than being told by a Botox clinic that there is nothing on my face to fill. I thought they took your money regardless, invented wrinkles and immorally would inject children. But not me, I thought proudly. Although I might go back and see how much for Fern to get her crow's feet done.

Not sure how we will spend the next few weeks in Bangkok but I guess there are worse places to be. It's nice to really get to know a city. Feel like we are on the last bit of our trip now - and we are. Am going to hang around in Thailand until my sister turns 40 so I can celebrate the fact that she is still older than me. She comes on the 17th for two nights and is staying at The Peninsula. Hope I'm allowed in.