Well, as most of you know, I have been going to Paris for the day for many months to see a Cote D'Ivoire exhibition in one of the museums with Kaye. I wasn't going to write a blog but this is especially for Kaye's mam.

We booked this trip before we went to **** D'Ivoire and thought it would be great to see in a museum what we had seen in the country. We were very naïve at the time and funnily enough there were no UN , army blocks or flies hanging around Paris. All went well to begin with - Eurostar out of St Pancras, cava and strawberries for breakfast, the worlds best museum to go and visit. The exhibition was amazing and the reason why there is nothing in **** D'Ivoire is because it is all in private collections. All the masks, pottery, sculptures we were expecting to see were here courtesy of some Swiss guy and the Sainsbury family.

If you haven't been to Musee de Quia Branley , it is a fantastic museum near the Eiffel Tower full of all sorts of things from different countries. There are lots of videos of dances too which of course we didn't see in the country. Thank god we didn't go to this exhibition before we went on holiday as at least we wondered around **** D'Ivoire thinking something better would be round the corner, which of course it wasn't .

Things started to take a slight turn for the worse when we got out and found that Eurostar had text Kaye saying there were no trains for the rest of the day due to a fire in the tunnel. 8 hotels later and we managed to find a room for the night so we went for something to eat.

Lovely little bistro. I don't know how we sniff them out but on a closer look the window display was full of stuffed dead rabbits in little suits, china mice with wax dollops where their heads should be, black Xmas decorations and lots of sort of gunge everywhere. It ended up after eating our steaks that it was a horse meat restaurant. Not what I was really wanting, I hate horses.

Our first train out wasn't until 7pm so Kaye dragged me kicking and screaming to the Louvre. We queued for an hour and a half in 41c but got in. Kaye was very good and knowing my aversion to all things arty and cultured she took me to see the Egyptian room first. It was ok but it was so BIG. Do people genuinely enjoy going round things like this ON HOLIDAY? And I don't get the Mona Lisa at all. The room was packed with thousands of South Koreans with selfie sticks posing in front of a very boring painting.

Anyway, off we went back to Gare de Nord where it was chaos. Bomb squad had been called in so we stood in an orderly queue for over an hour whilst the French barged in all around us. Got on the train at last after sharpening our elbows and it left an hour and a half late. Only to stop 15 km outside Paris for 2 hours due to a broken down train in front of us.

So the long shot was, we crawled into London at midnight, 29 hours delayed. And Ween was there at the station to bring me home ( and another stray person I had picked up from somewhere). How amazing is that? So Kaye and I are obviously jinxed and will never be seeing each other again apart from a quick trip to a pub somewhere safe.